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OldArkie,
Toss doubts out if she has any memory problems. I think at that point there is no purposeful "play" or "blaming" what is in her mind she probably has no ulterior motive.
She may want, make that need, you more near her because you are her safety line. The one constant that will not let her down, will not shame her or make her feel embarrassed by her poor memory, that she might get something "wrong" if someone asks her a question. The fact that you are there when she is "lost" in a place she has known most of her life.
If something is lost reassure her that you will find it and not to worry. Try redirecting, tell her you love her.
As far as being cordial her personality may change and drastically. Some people can get mean, violent others become kind and docile. My Husband had always been a sweet, kind man and lucky for me he remained that way. So there is that.
Keep safety in mind and if at any time you become unsafe or she is not safe you should make the very difficult decision to place her in professional care. When I was caring for my Husband that was the only criteria I had that would have made me place him. If he became violent so it was not safe for me, if there would be a possibility that I would injure him caring for him I would have had to place him. Luckily with the help of the VA and Hospice I got the equipment I needed and the education I needed so that I could care for him safely and as I said he was a sweetheart and easy to care for.
Remember to care for yourself! If you don't care for yourself you can not care for her.
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OldArkie - you've been married for 62 years, so you're no youngster. Having to care for anyone at your age is physically demanding. Emotionally demanding is a given.

Do you have any help? Do you have breaks? Have you discussed the level of care she needs with her doctor to see if she can go into a nursing home? It sounds like she's a candidate.

You really need to turn over her care to a professional and step back, or else she just might outlive you.
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I cared for my Husband for a long time.
I did find a Support Group that was a Spouse Caregiver Support Group.
The dynamics change when you are caring for a spouse rather than a parent, child, relative or even a friend, or as a hired caregiver.
You no longer have an equal partnership so it can get more difficult.
Is there anything specific that is on your mind?
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OldArkie Aug 31, 2019
I can't help questioning if part of her problems, of which there are many, may be exaggerated or even faked. Her memory is typical for early stage alzheimers and she had 2 light strokes several years apart. But I suspect her pain is sometimes a play for sympathy. I manage her pain medication as well as all others so she isn't overmedicated. She has a neurogenic bladder and must be catharized twice daily which she can't (won't?) do. UTI develops if it is neglected. I do my very best.... to be patient with her and to give her the benefit of the doubt. But her attitude isn't especially cordial, and when I get blamed for things she loses, I have to bite my tongue to remain civil. I don't have any choice, really. We've been married for 62 years so I guess I will just have to grin and bear it! Thanks for asking, and listening!
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This is the right place. How is it going with caregiving your spouse?
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There are lots of spouse caregivers, including myself, on this forum. What’s on your mind?
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OldArkie Aug 31, 2019
Do you ever feel as though you got the short end of the stick?
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