Geaton and TChamp both mentioned an Elder Care Attorney. Both are spot on with that. A few other things. **Hire caregivers. That will give you a break and early on they can be there to help you but as he declines you will need more help and you do not want him resistant to having "outsiders" come in. So if he gets used to people now it will be an easier transition. **Learn to ask for help. **Learn to accept help if and when it is offered. (on the off chance that someone asks if there is anything they can do keep a list and mention an item on your list.) **Do all you can to keep the friends you have, make time for them as well. **Look into Adult Day Care in your area. It will give him a break as well as you. **Take care of yourself. Make sure YOUR doctor is aware of your husbands diagnosis. The stress you are going through WILL effect your health. **Take advantage of all that Hospice can offer as soon as he is eligible. (forget the 6 month "rule", my Husband was on Hospice for 3 years. As long as there is a documented, continued decline a person can remain on Hospice) With Hospice you will get all the supplies and equipment that you will need. A Nurse will come each week, a CNA a few times a week as well as a Social Worker, a Chaplain if you wish and a Great perk....Medicare/Medicaid/Insurance will cover about 1 week of Respite each year for a Hospice patient. **If your husband is a Veteran contact the local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine if he would qualify for any benefits through the VA. It might be a little or it could be a LOT.
Visit an attorney that specializes in elder care as soon as possible and follow his/her instructions. The problem has many significant consequences if not done properly. It's not a matter for amateurs..
Your profile says your husband is in his first few years of ALZ diagnosis. I'm so sorry for this turn of events. Many, many on this forum have been in your shoes and will provide excellent guidance.
The most obvious is to get both of your legal ducks in a row. Has he assigned you as his DPoA? I strongly recommend naming a second, or back-up PoA who is a generation younger (like a local adult child, if possible). He should create an Advance Healthcare Directive (Living Will), which can be discussed with his physician (not with the lawyer) so that his wishes can be laid out with more detail, sparing family members from the burden of having to guess. Then he needs a Last Will. If you already have a Trust, that would be best, but if not, it is expensive, can be complicated and requires a lot of input from both of you. You need to have all this in place as well, and a plan if something happens to you before it happens to your husband -- who would take care of him and how would it be financed?
Next, educate yourself as much as possible about ALZ. Don't discount asking for meds to treat anxiety, depression, paranoia, etc. Don't discount outside help, like hiring in-home aids, or enrolling him in adult daycare. The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both he and you. Your goal is to avoid burnout, so do whatever it takes even if he isn't "on board" with it. Also remember that each patient's journey does not necessarily look the same as another's.
Have no expectations about how family, friends and neighbors will respond or engage with him/you. Dementia freaks people out and many feel extremely uncomfortable around it. Make sure that at least your own social life stays rich as possible. You need to do a lot of self-care, which benefits the both of you. May you receive much help and support, and peace in your hearts on this journey.
A few other things.
**Hire caregivers. That will give you a break and early on they can be there to help you but as he declines you will need more help and you do not want him resistant to having "outsiders" come in. So if he gets used to people now it will be an easier transition.
**Learn to ask for help.
**Learn to accept help if and when it is offered. (on the off chance that someone asks if there is anything they can do keep a list and mention an item on your list.)
**Do all you can to keep the friends you have, make time for them as well.
**Look into Adult Day Care in your area. It will give him a break as well as you.
**Take care of yourself. Make sure YOUR doctor is aware of your husbands diagnosis. The stress you are going through WILL effect your health.
**Take advantage of all that Hospice can offer as soon as he is eligible. (forget the 6 month "rule", my Husband was on Hospice for 3 years. As long as there is a documented, continued decline a person can remain on Hospice) With Hospice you will get all the supplies and equipment that you will need. A Nurse will come each week, a CNA a few times a week as well as a Social Worker, a Chaplain if you wish and a Great perk....Medicare/Medicaid/Insurance will cover about 1 week of Respite each year for a Hospice patient.
**If your husband is a Veteran contact the local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine if he would qualify for any benefits through the VA. It might be a little or it could be a LOT.
The most obvious is to get both of your legal ducks in a row. Has he assigned you as his DPoA? I strongly recommend naming a second, or back-up PoA who is a generation younger (like a local adult child, if possible). He should create an Advance Healthcare Directive (Living Will), which can be discussed with his physician (not with the lawyer) so that his wishes can be laid out with more detail, sparing family members from the burden of having to guess. Then he needs a Last Will. If you already have a Trust, that would be best, but if not, it is expensive, can be complicated and requires a lot of input from both of you. You need to have all this in place as well, and a plan if something happens to you before it happens to your husband -- who would take care of him and how would it be financed?
Next, educate yourself as much as possible about ALZ. Don't discount asking for meds to treat anxiety, depression, paranoia, etc. Don't discount outside help, like hiring in-home aids, or enrolling him in adult daycare. The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both he and you. Your goal is to avoid burnout, so do whatever it takes even if he isn't "on board" with it. Also remember that each patient's journey does not necessarily look the same as another's.
Have no expectations about how family, friends and neighbors will respond or engage with him/you. Dementia freaks people out and many feel extremely uncomfortable around it. Make sure that at least your own social life stays rich as possible. You need to do a lot of self-care, which benefits the both of you. May you receive much help and support, and peace in your hearts on this journey.