Is there a sense of grief with your spouse being so sick? - AgingCare.com

Is there a sense of grief with your spouse being so sick?

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It's so hard watching my husband becoming less than he was. I have cried many tears as of late. Sometimes when I just try to put something together that he could have done and I struggle with. I miss the smile he used to have, it's such a sense of loss, even now while typing tears come, everybody says I'm strong, but I feel so tired.

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Yes, for me it comes in many forms .... grief of losing a healthy & vibrant spouse, grief of losing the future we planned, grief of losing carefree days, grief over losing the feeling of self-assurance because I second guess everything I do, grief of losing friends I thought cared more than they've actually shown, and overall just grieving for my dear angel on earth who's body has betrayed him in spite of the fact he did everything right to take care of himself. Big sigh... yes, the grief is very real.
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It seems we all have to come to grips with 'the new normal'. For me, I've found that it is better to focus on where I am now rather than what it used to be. Paying for services has become the new norm here --- tough for a situation where 'he knows how to do EVERYTHING!' He just can't.
And for those who can't pay for services, I agree with notes above. Accept offers of help, we almost all get them. Always have a list of tasks to be done and parcel them out when someone offers. Give them a choice --- 'I know I am going to need some help moving boxes out of the garage soon. If you have any time over the next few weeks, I would love some help.' Or, do you know of any ideas of how I can get ____ to rehab each week? Most folks are happy to help but don't know what is stumping you. Just don't expect them to be available on a minutes notice. : - ))
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The grief can be overwhelming at times. My husband has dementia and for the last 4 years I have watched him go from a vibrant,active man to a man who has no interest in anything and physically very feeble. To me it is harder than if he had passed suddenly because you can't start moving on in life because you have to watch him deteriorate and knowing he will not get better no matter what you do. So the grieving process which for me includes lots of crying continues day after day. cdnreader you are so right about asking family and friends for help. I could not carry on without the help of my kids. Jangermanos please know there are so many of us struggling with you. You are not alone.
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Dear jangeromanos,

Sending you love and hugs. I know its hard. It is hard watching a loved one's health deteriorate. And to feel as if you always have to be the strong one, the capable one. Please don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help. Look for supports in the community or through church. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Thinking of you. Please know we are all here to listen.
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