So, we've gone from 0 to 60 in the last couple of months with my FIL and his dementia. He was definitely further along than we realized. He had a bad case of C-Diff and spent about a week in the hospital and when he returned he was quarantined for nearly 2 weeks. Then he got the roommate from you know where - could not have been a worse choice - but I can see how they decided to pair them up based on prior experience with my FIL (roommate and FIL have very similar personalities)
But he was mentally and physically weak and the new roommate was - A LOT. And it broke him. And it's gone down hill fast. Prior to all of this he had a bad UTI and we had seen his first hallucinations - ever. Snakes coming out of the walls. For him - even once he was fully lucid - they were real.
Now, we are in a palliative care situation - where the delusions and hallucinations are coming much more often. But many of them are very scary - his very worst fears. To the point where he tries to get out of the bed and get away. Waking nightmares. (they have lowered his bed and put mats on the floor and are having to keep him sedated frequently).
I've wondered if there is a correlation between his delusions and hallucinations and the hard core narcissism, the unchecked abuse he dished out to his children, the terrible lies he told about people, the horrible way he treated people when he was in control. Is that coming back to haunt him now that his mind is so broken that he is so lost in it?
Or is the experience similar for everyone who experiences delusions and hallucinations with dementia? My only other experiences with it have wildly varied. One was a friend's wife who invested herself deeply in a new relationship with a new love in the memory care facility because she forgot she was married - her delusions were happy. She was a wonderful, kind person. Another was my friend's grandmother who just suddenly thought her grandchildren were robbers and chased us out of the house with a knife - but she was strong and protected herself against 10 people - she was a wonderful, kind person.
These delusions and hallucinations all have a few things in common - they are all scary, they all have a strong theme of loss of control, they all focus on a major fear of his, and in all of them he is alone - his very biggest fear.
Snakes coming out of walls, dangerous cults taking him into the woods and having to find his way home, locked in churches with no help, locked in dark rooms. Mixed in with these are some milder ones - being late for work, visiting a friend's home, going to the grocery store ( this one made us laugh - he has never set foot in a grocery store)
But am I overthinking this? Is this just common for everyone? Or is he possibly experiencing some of this because of how he lived his life and now that he can't safeguard his mind, things are creeping in?
Is that a terrible thing for me to think?
He came out of the hallucinations after a few days and you could have a normal conversation with him again. He didn’t have dementia but passed a couple of months later with no more hallucinations.
I believe it was from some medication that they had given him after his surgery.
Later on she tried walking out of the front door in the middle of the night. Her doctor put her on Ativan and Seroquel and she stopped trying to escape.
She told me that she was seeing a young girl who told her that she was going to stay with her until the end. I asked her if she was dreaming. She said that at first this child did visit her in her dreams but later on she was visiting her when she was awake. She seemed comforted by this child so I just went along with it.
Mom’s hospice nurse and aides said that they heard stories all the time about their patients seeing different people all the time. I think mom thought that this child was an angel. She said that the child told her not to be afraid because she was going to protect her from the devil.
Mom wasn’t afraid of dying. She had been ready to leave this world long before she died at age 95.
I am so sorry that your dad is experiencing these things. I know that it’s hard for you to see.
I don’t think any of us will ever understand how this feels unless we have gone through hallucinations ourselves. It’s awful that he is frightened. I hope he gets relief from his meds.
I find it interesting that your person like my mother, believes these delusions to be true even after they’ve gotten back to their baseline.
My FIL had delerium, remembers it, but understands those thoughts weren’t real. He’s got no mental issues.
As to there being a rhyme or reason to hallucinations, they are ALWAYS worse with stress. And currently there is so much stress here. I'm so sorry all this is going on.
Every day on this forum I get disturbed by how many forum participants had dismal, abusive parents and the collateral damage it caused well into their lives. So, I think I understand an adult child's desire to try to make sense of it.
BlueEyedGirl94, personally I don't think you should expend any emotional energy pondering something to which you can never really know a definitive answer. Who can figure out dementia...? The mind is so complicated.
Thankfully they are medicating him now and are dealing with it - and the alternative is sad - for the first time - he is quiet and complacent and just looks - well exactly like what you expect to see in a nursing home now.
Unfortunately - as you said - they are still trying to piece together enough to make it make sense and sadly somehow come up with a lot of "we should have done this" or "if we had done something earlier" when there was literally nothing they could have done to stop this. NOTHING. He was on this path a long time ago. The collateral damage, as you said, will go on long after he is gone. And that is sadly - the product of narcissistic and physical, emotional, verbal and mental abuse.
Is he on antipsychotic meds? They may bring some relief.
But all of those years of narcissistic abuse and physical, emotional, mental and verbal abuse take their toll and I'm sure they will both find some way to blame even his dementia on themselves. It's hard to watch.