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blannie, My husband did not especially like the lunches served at his day care program. One day he asked for a vegetarian plate. He thought it was much better, so he always got vegetarian after that. Other participants noticed that his plate looked nicer and fresher, and suddenly they were serving many vegetarian lunches! :)

I think you will do fine (for meals anyway) at any care center you might need. They'll keep track of your preferences. I realize that won't mean you'll be surrounded by people who share your views, of course.
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freqflyer: that's nice, i just can't wait that long...being 57, i'm gonna be in need of it before the younger generation gets old! hahaha :)
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I believe once the younger generation gets to become elderly and need to go into assisted living or nursing homes, there won't be a need to find separate facilities.
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I can see why a gay person would like to be around other gay people. Sexual orientation is a key part of a person's day-to-day life, so wanting to be around others who share/understand your orientation is totally understandable to me.

I'm a vegetarian and believe me, I'd love to be around other vegetarians if I ever have to go to a facility. Where my mom lives, I'd be hard-pressed to eat 90% of the food they serve, since I'd want vegetarian/vegan options for every meal. And I wouldn't want to have to explain myself every time I sat down to eat.
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Interesting question and I never thought about it before.

Thank you for the question. It would be nice if you would submit some sort of a reason as to why you would want this kind of facility, your feelings, etc. I'd love to read it. I'm thinking this is NOT about sex.
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I would reccommend any gay senior to go into facilities that are geared toward the lgbt community. Otherwise you or your loved will be at the mercy of those involved who are taking care of you. There will be no one standard that is routinely upheld to treat a gay senior with respect and dignity and allow them all their residents rights.
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I'd like to see an end to people feeling unwelcome, too, Maggie; but on the other hand people like to be with like-minded people, and sexuality can be part of that. You don't go to gay bars just so's you won't get arrested any more, thank God; but they still exist because the ambience is different and sometimes that's what you want. Roll on the day when it's a cultural choice like any other.

Matthew Paris, journalist and former politician who's been out forever, would make you chuckle - he described his shock on bantering (nicely - he's a complete gentleman) with an airline steward and getting blanked. You can't rely on anything nowadays!
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Some day we'll realize there's no point to asking that question. Sooner rather than later, I hope.
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Contact the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley, 875 E Main St #500, Rochester, NY 14605, Phone: (585) 244-8640. If there are any facilities near Freeport, NY (I used to live there too!), they should be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck!
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Carebill I do know that lots of gay men like sport - including, for example, the former Captain of the Welsh Rugby Team, Gareth Thomas. I'm just thinking of where a poor chap's to go if he'd rather stick red hot needles in his eyes than discuss the offside rule.

PS and lots of lesbians DON'T like hiking and do wear mascara..!
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Anywhere you want!
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Oh I am so sorry I said anything. Forgive me. I wore construction boots for 12 years, OK? Now, where do I sit?
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Oy vey! Not to open a PC s--tstorm, as you put it, but I have many gay male friends who love sports and are athletic and many more who have never even been to the opera and couldn't care less about it. In the 21st century let's get past these tired old stereotypes -- sure they exist, but they aren't the whole story. Like most communities, the gay community is a very, very diverse one. And yes, it does include guys who aren't into sports and love opera, LOL.
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Pam I might be walking straight into a PC sh*tstorm saying this, but the gay men of my acquaintance would probably want to be somewhere - anywhere! - where they didn't have to talk about sport. Opera and cookery could be USPs?

[duck and cover]
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In most of these homes, in the common areas, I see men sitting with men and women sitting with women. Are they gay? Don't know and don't care, but I'm willing to bet the men talk sports and the women talk grandchildren.
Don't ask the staff, because their first rule is patient privacy and they are very discreet about any personal interactions. As it should be.
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Does not matter what the antidiscrimination policy says. Policies
do not work with the residents, people do. Depending upon the attitude of the person who takes care of a lgbt senior, that is how they will be treated, from outward to subtle discrimination. I believe those posters that gave advice to contact places and organizations for the lgbt community gave the best advice. After working in healthcare for so many years I do not feel the issues of human sexuality in general for elderly residents for straight or lgbt residents have been handled well. Here are some facts that both families may have to face with an elder regarding sexuality. Your always straight identified loved one may start to develop a relationship(s) of the same or both genders. There may be one or more person they gravitate toward male, female, or both that they prefer to sit with hold hands with and show affection towards. Yes, they can be sexual also. If both parties are two consenting adults which translates into meaning they are both mentally intact than it is within their rights to do as they please and be provided privacy for intimate moments. No one legally has to seek permission or notify any family members when two consenting adults are involved. Staff reacts in different ways depending upon their value system. There is no policy police on duty. Some staff will not restrict the rights of any of their residents. Other caretakers do not see elders as sexual beings. They have in a sense put elders on a pedestal that does not recognize that sexuality is a part of life for everyone irregardless of age. These caregivers are a bit shocked when they see relationships between seniors and will.express it to their coworkers. There coworkers will educate them which will be a mixture of factual information and personal bias. Other caretakers act on their own personal bias and may openly or subtlety interfere with their residents rights. They intentionally intervene in some way to seperate or stop the elders involved from socializing together. They disrupt any kind of contact ranging from handholding to kissing and beyond. Sometimes other caretakers remind their coworker about residents rights but not always. As human beings we all discriminate in ways we do not recognize .Who we say we are and what we do are two different things. So I have at times wittnessed the
caretaker who does not exactly Iinterfere with residents rights directly but can be a bit more hypervigilant in this situation. This excessevive presence can at times be restrictive to seniors trying to be with their special someone.
Clearly this is a problem where facilities do not actively work to make sure staff makes sure staff does not violate any of their residents rights. Even the ones we feel uncomfortable about.
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Exhausted, I'm glad to read the helpful responses to your question. It is so much better to live with people you can talk to without choosing your words. I hope you can find something that you like.
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Contact SAGE, a national group that deals with elder gay/LGBT concerns. Although based in New York City, they may be able to help in other cities. They can tell you which nursing homes they have had outreach to and which may be more sensitive to gay issues. They also offer help and advice for caregivers etc.
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If we are not all, ONE, we are in BIG trouble!
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In the least, visit facilities you are considering and ask to discuss their non-discrimination policies. Even better is when they are clearly posted and included gender identity and sexual orientation. Talk to the representatives and ask if they welcome and already have LGBT(Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) Elder residents. This is a spreading concern as our large aging LGBT population is starting to need LTC options. Not all LGBT elders want to live only with others in their community, but they want to be respected and treated well wherever they choose to live. You can access SAGE (Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders) online at www.sageusa.org and there may be a chapter near you for information also.
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In Chicago, look up Center on Halsted! We just opened an LGBTQ retirement center! They might also recommend other national possibilities depending on where you live.
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That is an interesting question. Do you mean something like assisted living or a nursing home? Or what kind of facility do you have in mind?
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