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My grandmother has always been obsessed with pre-planning her funeral. I can even remember she would ask my mother and I what items we would want she died, tell us what music we had better play at her funeral, etc. Sadly, my grandmother suddenly and expectedly passed away this past weekend. I can understand leaving basic funeral arrangengs to help the family left behind, but I feel as though my grandmother took it to a whole new level. We found “scrapbooks” filled with magazine clippings, photo-copied pages, hand written notes, etc. on EXACTLY how she wants her obituary written, the funeral program, what songs are to be played when and where, what time mass is to start, what pictures to use, even down to exactly which floral arrangements my mother, myself, and my sister are to order and send to the funeral home! But wait, there’s more... a highlighted MAP of the exact route she wants the funeral procession to take around the town she came from! Is it me, or does all this seem a bit OBSESSIVE?? I know for a fact that my grandmother has always been a bit of a control freak and most definitely a perfectionsit, but I can’t help but think there may have been a lot more going on besides depression when it came to her mental health. Any insight that anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated; has anyone else experienced this type of behavior with a loved one?

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I am also very sorry for the loss of your grandmother. One of the most upsetting things I had to do was pre-pay my Mom's funeral. I wish my Mom would have done this instead of me.

Jenna
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My parents have been planning their funeral since the 1980s. And yet they live on and on. My Mother said the funeral home has all instructions on file, so I’m depending on that.
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I don't know if there is a disease that covers this kind of behaviour, maybe you can ask a medical person. Or maybe she was a bit OCD, I just wash my hands frequently but I can see how focusing on my very last minutes above ground could make me want what I want.

So sorry for your loss, love Grandmother for who she was, obsessions and all.
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I agree with you. Your grandmother did sound obsessive and morbid. Most people don't spend time dwelling on the minute details of their own funerals. H, most people don't even plan their funerals, but that is not good for their surviving loved ones.
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Well, the alternative of having someone pass who has left ZERO instructions or wishes as to the funeral--and the ensuing "are we doing the right thing??" for LO left behind vs. having every single thing thought out and dealt with--I'd go with the over-planned funeral any day.

Mother is pretty obsessed about her funeral. To the point she asked my daughter who was 14 at the time, to learn a specific piano number she wanted played at both her and dad's funerals. Kind icked out my daughter. BUT, dutiful girl she was, she learned the number and did play it at dad's funeral. (she says it runs through her head incessantly on sleepless nights, poor lady)...mother routinely writes more and more in her "funeral" notebook....mostly just little addendums, as GG kids are suddenly booming up---but at least we KNOW what she wants.

I'm sorry for your loss. AT least things should run smoothly!
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Yes, it sure does sound a bit obsessive... The highlighted map part -- yes, that is a bit over the top! (Did you and family members giggle a little when you found the scrapbooks? I know I would.) But it also sounds genuinely helpful as well, especially the obituary. I usually scan the obituaries in the paper and sometimes I wonder what the deceased would think about the sometimes kind of oddball things that are mentioned in them. With the person writing their own obituary, that problem goes away!

Maybe with her depression it was kind of comforting to think about her funeral and finally being at rest. Maybe she didn't have enough creative outlets and this was a fun project that got a bit out of hand. She sounds like an interesting lady and I wish you condolences on your family's loss.
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I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
Why can’t you simply follow her instructions?
She wants to be remembered in her own way. You’ll understand her better as time goes by. She wanted to have some control over the funeral it seems. If it is a financial hardship just do the best you can in the spirit of what she wanted. It’s really not necessary for us (you) to understand it or approve of it. It was what SHE wanted. This was HER LIFE. that’s all that matters. I would probably put the scrapbooks on display at the funeral.
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Kbs, my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family with the passing of your Grandmother.

If only everyone's elders would plan their final journey like your Grandmother did, it would make the funeral arrangement less mind boggling for the rest of the family. Now you and the family can use those requests as a guide on what to do, no major decisions, Grandmother had already made them for you. Bless her heart.

I remember trying to get information from my parents regarding their final plans.  All I remember Dad saying he wants to be buried in Iowa.  Thanks, Dad, for narrowing that down... [sigh].  A city or cemetery name would be helpful.
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