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I am a 39 yr old single mom. My mom is a chronic pain patient suffering from Chrones Disease, COPD and ongoing infection via holes in her belly skin that leak puss and all else gross. She moved here Dec 2014. i maintained her household and my own for over a year while working full time. It was exhausting. I was laid off in January and instead of finding a cheaper apartment for myself, we decided it would be easier on all of us if I moved in with her to help her. I literally have to do EVERYTHING. the only things she does for herself is her laundry, changing of her bandages, making her own meals. Other than that all she has to do is lay in the couch, watch tv, smoke her cigerretts and have her "liquid pain medicine" (alcohol). I suffer from depression and recently it has become debilitating. I'm expected to do all her errands, which includes going to store for her cigerettes every day, her alcohol every other day, ALL housecleaning, take her to doctors, buy groceries, and be her "will you get this and that" all day. Then she makes comments that I don't do enough. She criticizes my weight, she puts me down, nothing is good enough. She's ungrateful, everything is who is her, needs constant attention and pitty, and tells me I owe it to her to do everything because she raised me and took care of her mother when she was sick. She gets mad if I leave, because she doesn't want to be home with my dog because his very existence, though he just lies around causes her anxiety and she can't breath. I should also add that she is capable of driving and doing some of these things, she just "doesn't feel like it" if I refuse to go to the liquor store she will go by herself. If I try to leave to go out I get 50 questions. I have absolutely no privacy or space. Then she will call me and ask me to come home because my dog seems restless. I feel like she is taking every oz of my being and in turn, I have trouble functioning and completing my "daily chores". To top it all off, she is asking me to pay rent. I currently buy all the groceries for the house, pay her cable bill, and am literally a live in maid and gofer. I refuse to pay rent. Am I being taken advantage of? How do I set boundaries and stick to them? What are fair boundaries? Someone help me before the resentment builds up so bad that I leave and can't help her anymore.

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Learning how to recognize manipulative behavior is good thing. Often alcoholics and addicts use manipulation to serve their own purposes. It's all about how other have done them wrong or caused them pain. It's often not true and a ruse to distract from their own shortcomings.

Their issues have to do with their problem and not you. Don't allow anyone put your down. You don't have to be a part of that game. Get information, seek help and take care of yourself and your child. Don't kick yourself for what you did in the name of love. You did your best. Be kind to yourself now and find peace.
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Pay rent.
Give her a bill for the groceries, cable, and caregiving chores.
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I got a part time job so I could be somewhat independent and have a place to escape to.
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She is capable of driving and buying her own stuff so she won't starve. Let the chips fall where they may and move on. If you become really worried have the police do a wellness check. Stop answering your phone or change the number.
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Jareeli, I have been caught up in being responsible for everything for my mom. She will tell me in a second that everything is my fault. My adivice to you is to find a job quick. But I think most important is getting your on home your on place for you and your child. You pay much more in money and spirit when you in a position like this with your mom. so take a fool's advice and get out before you get used to it because the humiliation and pain gets worse and will also affect your child. I did the same most of my life. Instead of investing my all and everything into a house which turned out to not even feel like home to me I should have been focused on my son and myself and using all that wasted focus oh building a house and home for us. Id have my own paid for and in Im sure more stonger in spirit. Its hard but its worth a try. Even a temporary stay in a shelter if you have children are not so bad and can end up in affordable housing.
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Way to go!! Stay strong and don;t give up
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Also, I am currently looking for a room or basement to rent. I'll be out of here asap.
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Move in with your friend. The sooner the better.
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Thank you guys. I went to a friend's house last night. I made sure my "chores" were done, took my dog out and I left a around 11pm. She called me this morning at 9 to tell me the dog was "restless" and asked when I was coming home. I asked her how the dog was restless and she said he would bark when someone walked by outside. I told her to ignore hin or tell hin no. She said "well will you please be home within the hour" I said I'll try, and came home 3 hours later. I'm taking baby steps to sticking up for myself!
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Addiction is a difficult thing to deal with, let alone live with. I would find it difficult to deal with that in the home. Plus, that kind of behavior is troubling for a young child to see. I would be very concerned that my child observes that kind of behavior. I would make a plan to find my own place as soon as possible. I'd seek public assistance, child support, help from family and friends, etc. Anything to get out of that house.

I think I would also get counseling to find out why I was willing to tolerate your mom treating you that way. They can give you tools to help build your confidence and how to avoid enabling her destructive behavior. I think there are support meetings for family members of alcoholics too. They teach what enabling is and how to cope. I wish you all the best.
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Are you being taken advantage of? I think you know the answer to that.

Moving in was a mistake. The ONLY solution is to move out and be independent again. But do it quietly; if you tell her, the harassment will increase.

Also, list everything she asks you to do, including tasks that shouldn't be done at all such as buying liquor and cigarettes. If she wants to ruin her health, she can do it all by herself.

In your list, decide what you'll do and won't do, and BE FIRM. Don't let her continue to intimidate you as she already has.
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It sounds like you have only one option -- get another job and move to your own place. That would take care of everything. You can help her still, but you don't have to live with her. Good luck finding another job! It would be great if we could move in with our parents like moving in with a roommate, but that usually isn't the case.
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