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Hi everyone. Haven't been on here in awhile. Some changes in situation. Dad had a car accident. Minor injuries to both parties. Lost license and vehicle. So driving is over. He has 2 care givers, had. I just let one go. One lives on his property in a mobile home with her husband. She has been caring for dad since last Sept. (accident happened 8/16) . So, I'm looking to hire another caregiver and she is telling me that dad is more calm with just her. She is doing T,Th and Fri and every other Sat/Sun. (I do the other Sat/Sun). So she wants to add M/W breakfast/dinner to her schedule and have me not hire another caregiver. She seems to genuinely care for dad. He likes her a lot. She hasn't done anything that has been questionable which I can't say for the other caregivers I have had.
So, I guess I'm considering letting her have the extra days but at the same time I'm skeptical of motives. I asked her wouldn't it be better to have someone in place in the event dad needs more care and she said that she didn't think he was going to last that long. (He had a mild stroke a month ago).
What do you think. Do the elderly get more anxious with different people coming? Dad has said to me several times "I wish you didn't have all these people coming here." (I have only had 2 other care givers so there really haven't been a lot). Your comments are appreciated.

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It is a red flag if you can determine the motives are to isolate the elder. Have a second caregiver, if only to relieve your own shift.

I am uncomfortable that she said he won't last that long, and would hire a caregiver hoping for recovery or a longer life.
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Getting my mom regular lawn care service allowed her to stay in her home for several more years than would have been possible otherwise. Ditto a cleaning service.
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Thanks for your replies. I think all of your are right!! She "works" about 3-4 hours a day. (so overtime isn't a worry) Because she does live 75 feet away she can go over quickly and make a meal and then leave if she has something going on. Then her and dad will be outside, now that the weather is good, puttering around in the yard. But she doesn't charge for that because she loves living there and loves gardening too. She is 61. They do have a rapport. But then, the other gal I just let go, he'd say to her "when are you coming back?" and "your not leaving me are you??" (in a joking manner because my dad likes to joke with everyone). But he does say "I don't like all these people coming around." I think because he had "collected" tons of junk he worries about it being stolen. There really isn't anything of value in the house. All financial things are done. House is in trust and so are the majority of his $$ and I am trustee. The care giver I let go had brain problems, I think. She didn't tell me she had had a brain tumor and cancer. She borrowed some of dads hammers and he seriously asked me to let her go. She also brought her sons over and so that probably made him nervous too. This makes me re-think hiring a yard person. But He lives on an acre and my husband and I are 60 and have been mowing his "yard" for 20 years. We're getting tired too.
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Yes, I believe that more people did cause my Dad to be very agitated. Alternating caregivers was a big issue for him.
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I vote for having at least one other person involved even if it is just minimal hours. Even she may not realize how overwhelming it can be to not have much time off!
As always, I recommend removing anything of value from the house AND having all financial statements redirected to your house before someone outside is spending so much time there. This comes under 'rather safe than sorry'!
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I personally think that more is better. Different caregivers come with different talents and priorities, and as wonderful as this woman is a different set of eyes in the house may see things she is missing. It also gives you a familiar back up person for when she has an unexpected illness or needs personal days off and for her vacation times - she does take vacations I hope?
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If you are paying her under the table I would not do this. That could easily turn into additional hours where you, by law, would have to pay overtime. If you are paying her legally and paying her social security, taxes, disability, Medicare, etc and are willing to pay overtime, sure why not. But I would find someone else that you use regularly just in case something happens with the one remaining. People can live for a long time after a stroke. They can have numerous strokes and continue on living.
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I've only dealt with my grandpa as far as having caregivers goes, but I felt like having people in the house did tire him a little, and he definitely had his preferences.

Sometimes his favorites weren't ours. He would prefer the people who'd sit and chat, and eat snacks with him, or bring their pet or a family member(!). Having someone busy doing housework and moving around put him on edge, even though those people were more responsible and a bigger help to my mom. We just had to temper what he preferred with what was going to be the most helpful to all of us.

From what it sounds like, this is a good job for this lady. She is close by, she and your dad have a good rapport, and she probably could use the extra work. She might just be in tune to your dad and feel like it is a good thing for both him and her. If you feel like you would rather have a second person there for him to be familiar with, though, that is totally reasonable too. Do you feel like she's pressuring you or just sharing her observations?
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