I didn’t get enough answers from the first post. Although I have stepped back as being her caretaker due to her abusive behavior (screaming at me, getting into my personal space) when I asked her to leave me alone.
She has always been easily agitated and will yell and scream at me. In the situation that I mentioned it came to a head as she tends not to prioritize her safety. I bought her security system after someone tried to get into her back door. She still doesn’t think about that.
There were several incidents of her setting the alarm off as she would get up in the middle of the night to go smoke a cigarette. The security company calls me as she doesn’t answer the phone. I checked one of the cameras and I didn’t see her, but I was sure that it what set it off. She had set it off 3xs in the span of a few days. I was already dealing with not get much sleep and my own health issues.
So the incident where she kept impeding my personal space when I had gone by to check on her; lead to things coming to a head. I stepped back from being her caretaker. Since she’s been doing drive bys and trying to reach me as she asked if I will go with her to neurologist appointment.
I will, but after that, that’s it as I will not allow her abuse. I sent her neurologist a note asking him to do in-depth assessment as she has some neurological cognitive issues.
She is definitely a hoarder, aside from that she is lazy. Yes. I understand that hoarding and laziness are two different things, but I do believe that people can be both.
She expects me to do everything for her, while she sits all day and binges springer reruns, goes to take multiple naps, eats, smokes cigarettes and drinks coffee. She will not feed or give her dog water. If I don’t feed or give him water he won’t get any.
Would her seeing a therapist be of any benefit? She has a language barrier and English is not her first language, so I know there may be so added difficulty.
The hoarding will not stop if she already has cognitive decline .
Placement may be needed soon.
What you want, if Dementia is in the picture, is get her placed. If she can't afford the care, then apply for Medicaid.
Call Adult Protection services to investigate.
She tried to intervene to help and care for and GET help for her mentally challenged mother for a lifetime, for decades, and she was a smart woman, enlisting the help of the social services departments of the entire state of New York and NYC.
ALL TO NO AVAIL.
So the answer is quite simple, really. THERE IS NO ANSWER. Not everything can be fixed and a therapist here is a waste of time and money. No one is helped by therapy someone else seeks for them. Mental illness, as one judge said, isn't against the law, and the law won't intervene in it (unlike simple dementia, in which the courts WILL intervene.).
There is NO answer here. And there is likely never to be one no matter what you try. If you choose to waste your life floundering about in all this then recognize that as a real choice, one you made for your life.
But it may help you better understand what exactly is going on with her and what your response should be going forward, so you may want to look for a good therapist for yourself.
And perhaps you may need to take the dog of this family member to a no-kill shelter so it can be adopted by a good loving family that won't forget to feed it or give it water. That's the least you can do for this poor dog.
So after this upcoming doctors appointment, continue to stay away and stop enabling this person in any way, and instead call APS and report a vulnerable adult living by themselves and let them come out and do an assessment and take over her care if need be.
I am going to take her dog and care for him as I’ve been the one to care for him for the 4 years of his life.
That is what I am going to do stay away and keep my distance. I never signed up for abuse. I understand aging, but I don’t understand how some become so abusive, angry and mean, especially towards those that help them.
Maybe some shadowing, and cognitive decline can make a difficult person, 10 times more selfish and difficult. Have you talked to her doctor about any meds, for her anger issues. I'm sure watching Jerry Springer intensifies that . Seems to be she enjoys the drama. I'm wondering if you can have that channel blocked, but she will probably just throw a fit. I'm thinking this is only going to intensify in time
Have you learned about dementia, go on YouTube, watch Teepa Snow, and learn more about dementia so you can learn how to react better and see signs you didn't realize may be dementia related. If you don't like her, go on others and there are some good books out there.
There is probably going to be a time when you need to get mom placed, so start preparing yourself for that.
You have to take care of you first!! This tension is not good your your mental or physical health.
😔💕🙏
He tried to say it is just cognitive decline and prescribed her a low dose of Donepezil, which is used for Alzheimer’s.
Her appointment is today. I am hoping he does a more in-depth assessment and can provide more insight than just some cognitive decline.
Thank you again. I will check out the resources that you mentioned. You are so right about the tension and stress.
Help your Aunt to to be assessed, diagnosed & treated if possible.
Also help you. To speak up to someone (your truth may differ to Aunt's). Give the professional a wider, clearer picture. May help you to become a Advocate for your Aunt.
(PS As a caregiver, I was taken advantage of & just kept sinking furthrr into a bottomless bog. But as an advocate, I feel useful & can keep boundaries that are sensible & much healthier for me).
Hopefully the neurologist will help her and provide a better diagnosis than what he had said previously listed as some cognitive decline.
I sent his nurse a few notes and photos which were after incidents of her yelling at me. I am hoping it gives him a broader perspective versus just what she’s saying during the doctor’s visits.