Is stress (from caregiving) making your body feel like electricity is going through it?

It is really, really hard. Each week is different. For me, I try to stay healthy and I run. Running is my life saver. I have Addison's disease, compartment syndrome, and asthma, so it is NOT easy. I have brothers that add to my stress by their lack of involvement or understanding of how much my mom's Parkinson's and dementia (these are only two of her many problems) have progressed. I know it sounds like a line, but "one day at a time". Hang in there.

I am up and down with my coping, but for some reason each bad period is followed by a peaceful period with me. I don't know about others, but often I have stressful dreams right before I wake up. They stay with me for a while, like I'm trying to work through them. Maybe it is the working through daily and dream stress that leads to a sense of peace. I find myself saying "That's just the way they are" a lot when it comes to people. I know I'm not responsible for changing them. And I don't have to let them sink into me -- at least not for long.

We have so much control over the stress in our lives. It helps to write about it and hear the soothing remarks of others who understand. We can always walk away from it if it gets too bad. And we can find ways to self soothe. Some people do it by trying to understand and forgive. Others use exercise or music. Each person is different, but we all have the ability to soothe ourselves. I like coming up with mantras, like Feel the fear and do it anyway, This too shall pass, or That is just how they are. They are heartening to me. (Exercise and socializing are excellent for me, too. I'm just about to go do these things.)

I keep my head down and try not to engage in "drama". I don't have time. Or the energy. If I'm not willing to participate, don't care to defend my actions and decisions, where's the drama? I feel confident that I'm doing the right thing. That's the ONLY person I have to please in this 24/7 job. And that's all I worry about.

Ombudsmen have been known to help referee family problems. Would it be possible to get everyone to a meeting and get on the same page?

Pam-Unfortunately, it's not possible with my family. After 10 yrs of trying, they've only purposefully moved farther away (physically and mentally)... At this point, I have to accept this and remove myself from my worries. (however, when they call my mother, especially at a 'holiday' to make them feel better... it upsets me, because my mother mentions it which 'stirs' up emotions, etc for me) I wish I did have a 'somewhat' 'normal' family, but that will never happen now. Thank you for the suggestion... It may helps others, but not in my case.

Do you mean that your mother mentioning the fact that your siblings called stirs up emotions? Or do you mean that your mother stirs the pot intentionally by citing how lovely it is of your siblings to call?

I have the exact same issue with drama creating siblings.
Do you know what, they are not going to change.
So what I did was learn to protect myself and get in a place where I was less susceptible to the drama and more able to handle the stress, which we carers do seem built to cope with.
The issues we face will not go away, but we can make ourselves stronger and less vulnerable to that awful feeling of overwhelment.

My doctor recommended hypnotherapy and meditation/practicing mindfulness.
And boy it is like giving your soul a hot stome massage!! I was cynical, and took me a bit of shopping around to find one I like, but I find Bob Griswold's Youtube sessions lovely. (There are loads on there, all free, try a few to find one that suits you.
Bob's are 10 min sections, but I also do a longer session every now and then.

I have a nice little app on my iphone for practicing Mindfulness... 'Mindfulness Daily', but I am sure Youtube has Minfulness clips freely available.

Look after yourself. Go for walks somewhere pretty, and accept things and people that you cannot change, once I did this I did seem to get less wound up. And my most dramatic brother seems to be less troublesome (maybe because I am less defensive and let him say his nonsense without reaction. I do think he'd often contact me expecting a fight. When I chilled out and didn't get frustrated he actually mellowed a bit. (Still p's me off, but I try to pause and smile now instead of getting annoyed.
(I don't think I'll ever be the Dalai Lama, but I'm less cranky after meditating/hypnosis. Friends have said I'm less 'brittle'.
Give it a go!

I enjoyed a free yoga class yesterday that helped release the stress of the last week.
I also imagined a new visualization: pack all your anger into a black ball. Now make the ball a black balloon. Sit peacefully, close your eyes and imagine the balloon is on a string outside and it rises higher and higher in the air. It gets smaller and smaller and you feel freer as you get the courage to release the ball into the universe and let go of the long string. Imagine the ball becoming a tiny black dot and finally it is completely out of your hands. Become aware of your face, neck, chest, arms, stomach, legs, feet. Welcome back! You can always do this exercise.

I feel your pain. My only sibling, brother, passed last year ans left me with full burden financially leaving everything to wife and she has been a b*tch so I had to break ties with her. I am under enough stress looking after mom in my home because she had a little trailer and that was it. The only thing worse than bad family is no family.no husband , children or siblings left. Just know you are doing right thing for your mom and don't have any contact with them if they are of no help

Funny you should say that. When I went to bed at night, I would tell my husband that I felt like a current was running up my legs. Once my caregiving ended, so did the current--although I had bi-lateral knee replacements that exacerbated my restless leg syndrome.

I take a weekly beginner's yoga class that includes people of all shapes and sizes. Just making time for the class, then immersing myself in the activity makes all the difference in my daily stress level. There are endorphins released by the body during physical activity that are better than any medicine. The teacher includes some peaceful meditation in the class. Without a doubt, it is the one thing that has enable me to retain my sanity caring for my Dad with Parkinson's and dementia, his wife with dementia and assisting a friend recovering from a hip replacement who has anesthesia cognitive impairment. Deep breathing exercises also are helpful and can be done at any time. Good luck to you on your journey to peace.

I found a really great tip on a Caregiver forum, it may have been here. A caregiver recommended giving the person affected with restless leg syndrome -- extra magnesium. I was desperate and ran to the drugstore for some capsules. That was the end of my restless legs. I've had them off and on ever since I was a child. I will never be without them. Magnesium calms the nerves. If you are so inclined you could find out which foods supply Magnesium and get help there. Stress is so devastating. I woke up with Vertigo and could not get up. After 3 days in the hospital and a battery of tests, stress was determined to be the cause. It raises you Cortisol levels, causes high blood sugar in non diabetics, and can be a killer! I'm going to try the YouTube meditation recommended.

I've found a couple of nice Youtube relaxation and Mindfullness clips for you:

Mindfulness: Lovely quick 2 part session, 10 mins each: http://youtu.be/YW-TDOgstSE (I make sure I have loose comfy clothes on and sit in my comfy chair wrapped in a blankie and generally can't help but totally zen out to this guy's vouce!
Use headphones if you are in a place with background noise)

Lovely 40 minute 'body scan' Mindfulness session.. if you ever get that long to yourself ;)
http://youtu.be/_vN3wkatdts

Destress hypnotherapy session: http://youtu.be/Xz-KDXWsepI


Nice relaxing destress music: http://youtu.be/hEU0enP2xSU

ba8alou- To answer your question: both. My mother 'loves' when my siblings or nieces (her only grandchildren) call. She tells me "they have a life of their own" (as if I don't... as I'm caring for her...). And, it's many other things that add up to me being the 'outcast', while taking care of her... (my siblings conveniently live 1000 miles away and almost never talk with me... they call when I am at work... yes, I work ... thank goodness for my sanity... 4 days a week... But, after 10 yrs (as my GP dr told me) the stress is accumulative... so, you have to be careful with your health. (thank you for asking)... I've exhausted all these yrs of trying differenent things, at this point I'm actually glad there is nothing else to try, but to accept that I have to 'remove' myself from this toxic treatment of my sibs and try as best I can to take care of my self.

I appreciate all your comments & sometimes it fits me now & other times it might fit later. I esp agree w the back balloon except I believe mine goes to God who accepts me as I am & will always be with me thru bad & good. I have also learned (most of the time) hold my comments back. No comments or agreement cannot cause no arguments or frustration to either of us. I know when I get frustrated mainly because dementia husband doesn't move fast enough which is my fault for too much on his plate (activity) or I didn't give him extra time. I learn sometimes slowly. As far as phone calls (rare) Would it work for you to be in agreement w siblings that once a week on certain day they call OR that you call them & hand to phone over to mom for the weekly call. You could even have mom call them on certain day. Love to all you caregivers as I am one of you but blessed that my husband sleeps so much. I say I have the best of the worst (dementia)

I feel more like a tire with several slow but steady leaks. But what I do is try to take care of myself, and make sure I am clear on what I am doing with my 90 year old parent, and try to stay the solid one amidst the games and literally raging dysfunction. Which over a couple of years has given me the sense I am fairly in control, even with the crazy stuff going on… but still that slow leak is there. I hope you stay strong.

I too am taking care of my 84 year old mother. She has congestive heart failure and has up until April, had c diff (knock on wood!) plus many other ailments. She put herself into hospital last March due to not drinking enough, she was eating but not drinking. Then on to rehab to build her back up again. Rehab was a disaster due to bad nurses. She was given antibiotics for pneumonia that she had an allergy to, because they didn't look at her chart, they refused to do a chest x ray when she was showing symptoms of pneumonia for the second time, they did a PPD test on her when she is a TB carrier and should have just had a chest x ray done instead, the nurse refused to do a stool sample on her to check her c diff status even though the tests were ordered by her Infectious Disease AND GI doctors. I finally had to call the abuse hotline.

My brother, who lives 1500 miles away was no help. He would tell me what I should be doing but never did anything to really help. I work full time and take care of her animals and mine plus our 5 acres. She is not always the easiest person to get along with, she hates my daughters, although they have done nothing but try to help her. My youngest was there when she fell last year and broke her ribs, she is the one who held her and calmed her down and told me that her ribs were broken before the EMT's got there. So, it is just me. I am stressed beyond belief and although it makes me feel bad, I am also bitter.

After coming home from the nursing home, my mom went to my brother's for his baby's first birthday. He refused to set up her meds. He told me that I had to call her doc and tell them to get a nurse at his house the next day. I told him I didn't think that was possible and when she came home I had NO nurse to help me set up her 15 or so different medications. I had to read the directions and get them ready for her then try to make sure she took them, which meant calling from work too. He got mad and told me he was sorry for bothering me when I am so busy...he would call and have HIS insurance have a nurse come out. Yeah, that didn't happen. They couldn't get someone out the next day! He thinks it is so easy, but it is very difficult!

So sorry to hijack the thread. I feel for everyone who is going this alone!

My dad of 89 likes to go and take a walk to he has no idea where. He has finally realized that he must stay in sight of the house if he is alone, or he will be totally lost. We try to take turns taking him on walks around town as he so enjoys it! I hurt for those of you who have trouble with siblings. So far, we have done well in understanding the nature of the problems mom and dad each have. However, it was only through dependence on God that I was able to accept their decline. He does have the answers, and leaning on Jesus, as the old hymn goes, can be a reality. Blessings to all and prayers. For those of you who have found a way to de-stress, then if it works, go with it!!

filly-
I feel badly for you and understand the unbelievable stress you are going through. You must try to get some kind of help for your mom so you don't get ill... Is there some kind of caregiver's organization near you that can help guide you along? How about the Volunteers of America? or contact the city (311?)you near by... keep calling around. You are Blessed to have your beautiful daughters. Try and force yourself (like many of us here) to get some help! Stay on this site... Blessings.

Bless you youngestofsix for posting those web sites. I'm digging out my earphones now and will test them out as soon as I catch a free hour because I will surely go to sleep, too.

What you are feeling in your body, the electricity feeling, is your adrenal rush when stress gets to you. I recently had some testing done and found that my adrenals are completely shot. I personally believe they were trashed due to my upbringing and abuse by my parents.
I have 8 living siblings and all are drama filled. When they start asking questions (about once a year) I get upset and the adrenaline starts to rush and I feel like all my nerves are on edge. My family is extremely toxic and I try to avoid them as much as possible. They don't help me with my mom so why should I stay in contact with them? I have one sister who calls my mom twice a month. The rest don't call at all. If they do I simply hand the phone over to mom and avoid them.
When it comes to what they will get when mom passes away, that is when you can get their attention. Otherwise, silence.
I went to a naturopath and she gave me some supplements with SaME and 5HTP in them. They have helped. To help with sleep I take NaturalCalm which is a magnesium supplement. It helps to calm me before retiring for the night.
I wish I could tell you that exercising helps but I don't have time to get any in so I can't help you there.

Youngestofsix... Watched a little of the mindfulness links you sent (on my lunch hour)... Really nice and calming... Will watch more soon... Recommend these for all caregiver's... Thank you again!

I've just recently finished a difficult caregiving job and I find myself depressed and weepy, also feeling like I have the flu. While we are in the midst of the situation we are so busy giving care to others that our own well being is neglected, eventually we crash. Take care of yourself now if you can, stress is a killer.

Last time I felt a tingling feeling like electricity, it was a good thing, :-)
But I do not think that is what you had in mind. You probably need some personal rest time. Hope you get it.

Glad it helped xx

If I didn't have Youtube I think I'd be in the news for throttling mum's useless lazy lying consultant, and a particularly rude Staff Nurse who, whenever I warn them mum is asking for a bedpan/ has already exploded, looks at me like I've asked her to wax my bikini line!
On my way back from hospital today I repeated to myself that it was perfectly OK to feel what I was feeling (am doing it again now cos I'm getting 'the swollen tingle' feeling in my head just thinking about it;) - and it's really odd how it makes the angst dissipate and I can park it so it doesn't consume me.

I love this site, but I get empathy stress sometimes reading people's situations. Do you think carer's have too much empathy? I soak up other people's pain. (Need to limit webtime ;)

Be kind to yourselves fellow carers.
We aren't robots, it's OK to feel how we feel :)

Won't be forever.
Hug' em while you can! (When they let you ;)

I haven't found anything so far, and I work for the College of Nursing! Besides, even if there was something, my mom will absolutely refuse it. She will complain about being at home and not being able to go out, yet as soon as I have time to take her out, she doesn't want to go.

I was able to sneak in a quick vacation while she was in rehab and my awesome oldest daughter did her laundry for her (I was doing it till I left) while I was gone. It was great, but I had to come home :(

It would be wonderful if there were more resources for those of us with family who don't really need to go to a nursing home, yet needed more help at home than can be provided by family. We have nothing here, I live in a very small country town. There was a senior social group that had started but it failed before it began!

youngestofsix, I too watched the videos! They are great! Much needed!

Youngestofsix-
I do think "carer's have too much empathy"... I totally agree with you about limiting web-time and people-time. Even with people who are not 'caregivers', I wonder how they can spend most of the day on the web... I don't think it's healthy... In any case, I feel better after conversing today. Thank you everyone. May your heart, body and soul be filled with happiness and peace. :)

H2H - I would personally welcome their absence if it stresses you. On those occasions when they call & your mom tells you how wonderful they are, agree with her. "Yes mom, they are great and care enough about us to call three times a year." Whether or not your mom gets it makes no difference at all. If she wants disillusion let her have it and allow her to think they really care. You on the other hand do know better. Please get over it and let it go, you're probably better off without them.
I have contact with my brother but expect nothing of him. I don't begrudge him for his lack of concern. I actually admire him for being able to walk way from our dysfunctional family years ago and refer to him as the "smart one". I have accepted this cross and bare it myself. My choice, my burden. Compassion I get from my God and my husband. It is sufficient for me.

Hi Everyone. I spent part of the day helping my mother settle into her place. She talks non-stop about herself and her little concerns, and if I am lucky I can get in a sentence. She desperately wants attention and yet doesn't leave one beat of air or silence in which I could respond. I become a robot: yes, oh, isnt' that nice, uh-hu, I don't know, you'll see. I hate who I have to be with her: anything but myself. It feels so damaging and exhausting. I can see that she wants a relationship but has forgotten how to have one. It's sad and disturbing. Can't wait til I get home.

Home is me by myself. Ahhhhhhhhh. Turn on Pandora and the New Age peace music. Focus on creating dinner, correspondence for my business, planning tomorrow's shoot. She floats away from my mind as I focus on my own things. Peace comes back. I am whole, until the next visit.

I get that electricity type feeling when I am faced with heights, be it in person or even seeing it on TV.... acrophobia.

Oh my, wonder if there is a fear of caregiving? There is gerontophobia, fear of getting old.