Is stress (from caregiving) making your body feel like electricity is going through it?

Xanax...............................................................and prayer!

(I used to think thrived on stress, like Caregiving Cafe... then one day I kinda broke. Forced to take 3 mths off work (paid, thankfully, but in a sales job kinda exacerbated my stress as I was way off target!)

I haven't been the same since, despite walking away from the stressful job. But to be fair it's been worse with mum and dad since last July.
Sadly I know the only end to this is going to be their death. Then I can see if there is any of the old me I can resuccitate.

Awful seeing my mum like this. She'd hate it.
Switzerland have the right idea.
But she's a sweetheart.
Handling dad is harder than dealing with Putin!

Oh yes, the sleep thing is critical...if I don't get 8 hours I absolutely have a harder time coping - I can't prioritise and I get real stressed because I feel I have acheived nothing, and things mount up - definitely makes me more likely to snap!
(At this point I know 99% of us are laughing hysterically at the idea of 8 hours uninterrupted sleep, I know... but God it makes a difference.

Big hugs xxx

Wonderful suggestions! I have felt this electricity running through my body. Went to my GP and was diagnosed with anxiety. I don't feel stressed and am positive and realistic. I am managing caregiving tasks well. Still, I have anxiety. He said I internalize my stresses and my body is having a hard time with it. Get 7 hours of sleep as often as possible, do something to relax daily, move/exercise, eat nutritious meals, talk & socialize, join a support group, believe in yourself! If personalities are telling you how to do your job but not helping, then I would ask them to pitch in and try it their way to see how it works - only if it's safe. If they don't agree, then I'd say that I must continue providing the good care I've been giving because it works with your mother. Then change the subject. We can't make people do things or think a certain way, so we must learn to put their comments aside and move on. Easier said than done, but definitely possible! Have confidence in your abilities! Best wishes.

Shall I begin with the statement that I dislike the word DRAMA. It indicates that one is acting. Life is the word I believe your looking for?
I can only speak from experience.
I am an R.N.; my husband has solvent dementia & is just 64. I am the only care giver & because after the death of my daughter's he kept saying it was," too much drama " & I called it death, I moved out & now live next to him in the guest house. In the last 6 years I have lost my oldest sister; both of my daughter's at age 39, 15 months apart, my closest friend & minister & here I sit.
Loose the word drama & see it as it is ...LIFE.
I pray a lot & see things differently. Gosh, how the world changed when I changed.
I now find joy in what I do & so very much compassion. I did not realize that I was so lacking in compassion!

There's a whole lotta' family drama whenever someone in our family gets sick. My dad was sick and passed away from cancer, and before he passed, all of my 3 older siblings and I fought. Now that mom is sick, the battles began, but we nipped it in the bud by all talking to one another and deciding to come together as a family instead of against each other. I do have one sister who is very emotional and has bipolar disorder, to which she can just snap at any given moment, which makes me very fearful of being around her, especially when bad news is given.

When you say you feel electricity going through your body? I totally understood. When I get an anxiety attack from the circumstantial stressors around me, my face feels hot, and I feel "electric" tingles that go from the top of my head right down into my limbs. Anxiety is known to give a "pins and needles" effect. It's completely normal. What I have been doing is taking deep breaths, praying, and trying my BEST to create a positive atmosphere by keeping the peace (even if they're all #*%&ing crazy. Just remain calm, silent and level-headed. I went into a deep depression this past month, kind of waking up from it, but it's still 'there'. Watch out for the dreaded depressive episodes after the heightened anxiety.

Sending positive thoughts your way… I totally get it.

Electricity? I would not say electricity more like a weak battery.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a normal family. Every family has issues, some more than other. I still where you are as far as handling the load, but finding this website I think will be a huge help emotionally. I'm only two day into the support group and already I have realized that my feeling are not abnormal or mean. My mantra that works "most" of the time is; If God brings me to it, he will get me through it. Make your decisions with love and they can't be all wrong. Hang in there. Tomorrow is another day, try again.

I get that electricity type feeling when I am faced with heights, be it in person or even seeing it on TV.... acrophobia.

Oh my, wonder if there is a fear of caregiving? There is gerontophobia, fear of getting old.

Hi Everyone. I spent part of the day helping my mother settle into her place. She talks non-stop about herself and her little concerns, and if I am lucky I can get in a sentence. She desperately wants attention and yet doesn't leave one beat of air or silence in which I could respond. I become a robot: yes, oh, isnt' that nice, uh-hu, I don't know, you'll see. I hate who I have to be with her: anything but myself. It feels so damaging and exhausting. I can see that she wants a relationship but has forgotten how to have one. It's sad and disturbing. Can't wait til I get home.

Home is me by myself. Ahhhhhhhhh. Turn on Pandora and the New Age peace music. Focus on creating dinner, correspondence for my business, planning tomorrow's shoot. She floats away from my mind as I focus on my own things. Peace comes back. I am whole, until the next visit.

H2H - I would personally welcome their absence if it stresses you. On those occasions when they call & your mom tells you how wonderful they are, agree with her. "Yes mom, they are great and care enough about us to call three times a year." Whether or not your mom gets it makes no difference at all. If she wants disillusion let her have it and allow her to think they really care. You on the other hand do know better. Please get over it and let it go, you're probably better off without them.
I have contact with my brother but expect nothing of him. I don't begrudge him for his lack of concern. I actually admire him for being able to walk way from our dysfunctional family years ago and refer to him as the "smart one". I have accepted this cross and bare it myself. My choice, my burden. Compassion I get from my God and my husband. It is sufficient for me.

Youngestofsix-
I do think "carer's have too much empathy"... I totally agree with you about limiting web-time and people-time. Even with people who are not 'caregivers', I wonder how they can spend most of the day on the web... I don't think it's healthy... In any case, I feel better after conversing today. Thank you everyone. May your heart, body and soul be filled with happiness and peace. :)

I haven't found anything so far, and I work for the College of Nursing! Besides, even if there was something, my mom will absolutely refuse it. She will complain about being at home and not being able to go out, yet as soon as I have time to take her out, she doesn't want to go.

I was able to sneak in a quick vacation while she was in rehab and my awesome oldest daughter did her laundry for her (I was doing it till I left) while I was gone. It was great, but I had to come home :(

It would be wonderful if there were more resources for those of us with family who don't really need to go to a nursing home, yet needed more help at home than can be provided by family. We have nothing here, I live in a very small country town. There was a senior social group that had started but it failed before it began!

youngestofsix, I too watched the videos! They are great! Much needed!

Glad it helped xx

If I didn't have Youtube I think I'd be in the news for throttling mum's useless lazy lying consultant, and a particularly rude Staff Nurse who, whenever I warn them mum is asking for a bedpan/ has already exploded, looks at me like I've asked her to wax my bikini line!
On my way back from hospital today I repeated to myself that it was perfectly OK to feel what I was feeling (am doing it again now cos I'm getting 'the swollen tingle' feeling in my head just thinking about it;) - and it's really odd how it makes the angst dissipate and I can park it so it doesn't consume me.

I love this site, but I get empathy stress sometimes reading people's situations. Do you think carer's have too much empathy? I soak up other people's pain. (Need to limit webtime ;)

Be kind to yourselves fellow carers.
We aren't robots, it's OK to feel how we feel :)

Won't be forever.
Hug' em while you can! (When they let you ;)

Last time I felt a tingling feeling like electricity, it was a good thing, :-)
But I do not think that is what you had in mind. You probably need some personal rest time. Hope you get it.

I've just recently finished a difficult caregiving job and I find myself depressed and weepy, also feeling like I have the flu. While we are in the midst of the situation we are so busy giving care to others that our own well being is neglected, eventually we crash. Take care of yourself now if you can, stress is a killer.

Youngestofsix... Watched a little of the mindfulness links you sent (on my lunch hour)... Really nice and calming... Will watch more soon... Recommend these for all caregiver's... Thank you again!

What you are feeling in your body, the electricity feeling, is your adrenal rush when stress gets to you. I recently had some testing done and found that my adrenals are completely shot. I personally believe they were trashed due to my upbringing and abuse by my parents.
I have 8 living siblings and all are drama filled. When they start asking questions (about once a year) I get upset and the adrenaline starts to rush and I feel like all my nerves are on edge. My family is extremely toxic and I try to avoid them as much as possible. They don't help me with my mom so why should I stay in contact with them? I have one sister who calls my mom twice a month. The rest don't call at all. If they do I simply hand the phone over to mom and avoid them.
When it comes to what they will get when mom passes away, that is when you can get their attention. Otherwise, silence.
I went to a naturopath and she gave me some supplements with SaME and 5HTP in them. They have helped. To help with sleep I take NaturalCalm which is a magnesium supplement. It helps to calm me before retiring for the night.
I wish I could tell you that exercising helps but I don't have time to get any in so I can't help you there.

Bless you youngestofsix for posting those web sites. I'm digging out my earphones now and will test them out as soon as I catch a free hour because I will surely go to sleep, too.

filly-
I feel badly for you and understand the unbelievable stress you are going through. You must try to get some kind of help for your mom so you don't get ill... Is there some kind of caregiver's organization near you that can help guide you along? How about the Volunteers of America? or contact the city (311?)you near by... keep calling around. You are Blessed to have your beautiful daughters. Try and force yourself (like many of us here) to get some help! Stay on this site... Blessings.

My dad of 89 likes to go and take a walk to he has no idea where. He has finally realized that he must stay in sight of the house if he is alone, or he will be totally lost. We try to take turns taking him on walks around town as he so enjoys it! I hurt for those of you who have trouble with siblings. So far, we have done well in understanding the nature of the problems mom and dad each have. However, it was only through dependence on God that I was able to accept their decline. He does have the answers, and leaning on Jesus, as the old hymn goes, can be a reality. Blessings to all and prayers. For those of you who have found a way to de-stress, then if it works, go with it!!

I too am taking care of my 84 year old mother. She has congestive heart failure and has up until April, had c diff (knock on wood!) plus many other ailments. She put herself into hospital last March due to not drinking enough, she was eating but not drinking. Then on to rehab to build her back up again. Rehab was a disaster due to bad nurses. She was given antibiotics for pneumonia that she had an allergy to, because they didn't look at her chart, they refused to do a chest x ray when she was showing symptoms of pneumonia for the second time, they did a PPD test on her when she is a TB carrier and should have just had a chest x ray done instead, the nurse refused to do a stool sample on her to check her c diff status even though the tests were ordered by her Infectious Disease AND GI doctors. I finally had to call the abuse hotline.

My brother, who lives 1500 miles away was no help. He would tell me what I should be doing but never did anything to really help. I work full time and take care of her animals and mine plus our 5 acres. She is not always the easiest person to get along with, she hates my daughters, although they have done nothing but try to help her. My youngest was there when she fell last year and broke her ribs, she is the one who held her and calmed her down and told me that her ribs were broken before the EMT's got there. So, it is just me. I am stressed beyond belief and although it makes me feel bad, I am also bitter.

After coming home from the nursing home, my mom went to my brother's for his baby's first birthday. He refused to set up her meds. He told me that I had to call her doc and tell them to get a nurse at his house the next day. I told him I didn't think that was possible and when she came home I had NO nurse to help me set up her 15 or so different medications. I had to read the directions and get them ready for her then try to make sure she took them, which meant calling from work too. He got mad and told me he was sorry for bothering me when I am so busy...he would call and have HIS insurance have a nurse come out. Yeah, that didn't happen. They couldn't get someone out the next day! He thinks it is so easy, but it is very difficult!

So sorry to hijack the thread. I feel for everyone who is going this alone!

I feel more like a tire with several slow but steady leaks. But what I do is try to take care of myself, and make sure I am clear on what I am doing with my 90 year old parent, and try to stay the solid one amidst the games and literally raging dysfunction. Which over a couple of years has given me the sense I am fairly in control, even with the crazy stuff going on… but still that slow leak is there. I hope you stay strong.

I appreciate all your comments & sometimes it fits me now & other times it might fit later. I esp agree w the back balloon except I believe mine goes to God who accepts me as I am & will always be with me thru bad & good. I have also learned (most of the time) hold my comments back. No comments or agreement cannot cause no arguments or frustration to either of us. I know when I get frustrated mainly because dementia husband doesn't move fast enough which is my fault for too much on his plate (activity) or I didn't give him extra time. I learn sometimes slowly. As far as phone calls (rare) Would it work for you to be in agreement w siblings that once a week on certain day they call OR that you call them & hand to phone over to mom for the weekly call. You could even have mom call them on certain day. Love to all you caregivers as I am one of you but blessed that my husband sleeps so much. I say I have the best of the worst (dementia)

ba8alou- To answer your question: both. My mother 'loves' when my siblings or nieces (her only grandchildren) call. She tells me "they have a life of their own" (as if I don't... as I'm caring for her...). And, it's many other things that add up to me being the 'outcast', while taking care of her... (my siblings conveniently live 1000 miles away and almost never talk with me... they call when I am at work... yes, I work ... thank goodness for my sanity... 4 days a week... But, after 10 yrs (as my GP dr told me) the stress is accumulative... so, you have to be careful with your health. (thank you for asking)... I've exhausted all these yrs of trying differenent things, at this point I'm actually glad there is nothing else to try, but to accept that I have to 'remove' myself from this toxic treatment of my sibs and try as best I can to take care of my self.

I've found a couple of nice Youtube relaxation and Mindfullness clips for you:

Mindfulness: Lovely quick 2 part session, 10 mins each: http://youtu.be/YW-TDOgstSE (I make sure I have loose comfy clothes on and sit in my comfy chair wrapped in a blankie and generally can't help but totally zen out to this guy's vouce!
Use headphones if you are in a place with background noise)

Lovely 40 minute 'body scan' Mindfulness session.. if you ever get that long to yourself ;)
http://youtu.be/_vN3wkatdts

Destress hypnotherapy session: http://youtu.be/Xz-KDXWsepI


Nice relaxing destress music: http://youtu.be/hEU0enP2xSU

I found a really great tip on a Caregiver forum, it may have been here. A caregiver recommended giving the person affected with restless leg syndrome -- extra magnesium. I was desperate and ran to the drugstore for some capsules. That was the end of my restless legs. I've had them off and on ever since I was a child. I will never be without them. Magnesium calms the nerves. If you are so inclined you could find out which foods supply Magnesium and get help there. Stress is so devastating. I woke up with Vertigo and could not get up. After 3 days in the hospital and a battery of tests, stress was determined to be the cause. It raises you Cortisol levels, causes high blood sugar in non diabetics, and can be a killer! I'm going to try the YouTube meditation recommended.

I take a weekly beginner's yoga class that includes people of all shapes and sizes. Just making time for the class, then immersing myself in the activity makes all the difference in my daily stress level. There are endorphins released by the body during physical activity that are better than any medicine. The teacher includes some peaceful meditation in the class. Without a doubt, it is the one thing that has enable me to retain my sanity caring for my Dad with Parkinson's and dementia, his wife with dementia and assisting a friend recovering from a hip replacement who has anesthesia cognitive impairment. Deep breathing exercises also are helpful and can be done at any time. Good luck to you on your journey to peace.

Funny you should say that. When I went to bed at night, I would tell my husband that I felt like a current was running up my legs. Once my caregiving ended, so did the current--although I had bi-lateral knee replacements that exacerbated my restless leg syndrome.

I feel your pain. My only sibling, brother, passed last year ans left me with full burden financially leaving everything to wife and she has been a b*tch so I had to break ties with her. I am under enough stress looking after mom in my home because she had a little trailer and that was it. The only thing worse than bad family is no family.no husband , children or siblings left. Just know you are doing right thing for your mom and don't have any contact with them if they are of no help