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My mother has not been out of bed since March, now and again she has a bluish tint around the mouth, but not all the time, her hands are swollen but not her feet. Both hands and feet are cold to the touch. She is now getting weaker each day and hasn't eaten much since Tuesday and it's now Saturday, she is drinking water but mostly to take meds. Her breathing is shallow with 8 resps per min now and again her breathing stops for about 20 seconds. She sleeps most of the day and all of the night. She is 85yrs old. Is she now in the dying stage?

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Sounds like it. Do you have assistance from hospice?
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With hospice she can remain at home. My mom had a cna check on her daily, an RN once a week, a social worker for a variety of things, a Chaplin for prayer, and a doctor when necessary. They will help to keep her comfortable and offer you assistance when it is very needed. And it is completely paid for by Medicare. They will also provide a hospital bed, medication, any necessary equipment all paid by Medicare. Her doctor can order a home evaluation to see if she is eligible based on symptomology.
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I would say yes she is actively dying and it could be as soon as tonight. Sounds as though it will be very peaceful. Let family know so they have a chance to say their "goodbyes"
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CAll hospice asap to help her and you.
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An evaluation by hospice can answer many of your questions.
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Thank you all, my mam ate a little this morning, she wanted a banana sandwich. Hasn't eaten since and as you have all suggested I haven't tried to force her. Slightly confused today, hasn't been confused until now. Breathing bit better but colour still the same. One min she is cold the next boiling but fingertips are always freezing. Still sleeping 20 hrs a day if not more. Told the rest of the family but they still haven't been to see her. Not because of any rift just think they don't want to accept it. Called doctor in who is aranging help for me. Thanks to you all for answering my post you are all wonderful. God bless
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Thank you all, my mother has refused to go into hospital or hospice. She made me promise that she will die at home. I will let the rest of the family know today. Can't thank you all enough. God bless you all
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And just as important they can offer support for You through what has to be a very scary and emotional time.
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Yes - hospice is not going to drag her out of her home. But they will help YOU help her through the end of life process. Bring them on board for you - you don't have to wonder and figure this all out yourself.
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Praying for you all. This is a great time to tell her what a wonderful mom she was to you. We all want to know we did a good job...it gives her closure...keep lotion on her hands as we ladies love soft hands...my dad loved his hair gently brushed too...just keep reminding her she is loved...
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