Sometimes my heart aches when I think of my mother just sitting there unhappy & lonely, but every effort I've made has brought me only frustration & pain. (This is nothing new, cuz we've never had a relationship), but I feel like such a failure lately. After 2+ years in A.L.F. she wants no friends there, hates the food ect, & only clings to me in an unnatural way. It got exhausting, and I became angry at her frequently, so it felt like my best choice was to resume low-contact. (I say 'resume' cuz many years of my adult life were low-contact with her,... but it was HER choice then). In my 20's & 30's, mother frequently voiced her dissatisfaction with me & told me I was an embarrassment to her. Later she disapproved of who I married & shunned me, especially after my child was born with a disability. Numbness has been my default setting for decades, (felt like a 'surival mode'). I wish I could still be numb,... wish I felt nothing, but some days I feel guilt: for choosing to be 'low-contact' with 90yr old. ('No-win' situation?).