My wife and I have been taking care of my mom for over 1 year, since my dad has passed away. She lives 1 mile from our home. My wife has basically moved in with her. Her present condition is she can walk only with a walker and not very far at a time, and is a falling hazard. My sister has not helped in this time, not even one hour.
After dad passed we had no idea the tremendous amount of care that she needs. I think it contributed to his early passing.
Here are the challenges we have faced and are about to give up:
1. Mom does not listen to us on how to take care of herself. It is a battle to get her to drink, exercise, and take a bath. And we find out that she talks bad about us to her friends. She has passed out 6 times from dehydration and still does not listen to doctors or us. We have been made out to be the bad guys, even though we have sacrificed everything for her and no one else has even lifted a finger.
2. My sister is a narcissist. Only cares about mom's money. Wants to control mom. She has accused us of only caring for mom because we want the money. (trust me - it's not worth the money) She hid my dad's remains from us and disrespected him. She verbally abuses my mom. I have nothing to do with her. But mom will not stand up to her and when my sister causes problems - which she does a lot. We have to deal with the aftermath - depression and sickness. Mom treats my sister better than she does us. We can't understand that.
3. We feel that mom does not appreciate us - for she looks at us and slaves and not as family. She orders us around, expects us to drop everything for anything she wants. Mom has plenty of resources and has never offered to pay us, we have not asked. We spend a lot of our money for her care. Car, gas, food, etc. My wife probably spends about 15 hours or more a day (this does include sleeping at her house)
4. When we talk to mom about making things easier for us - like drinking water, exercising, and setting boundaries for toxic behavior in the family - she says that see will do everything and then the next day that is no change.
5. We are just about burned out - where she is not my mom but a burden. She says that she never wants to go to assisted living, but her actions are making that the only option.
I'm I missing anything or do I have it figured out?