Just a little background - I live with my 90 year old grandma and her daughter (my aunt). My mother, my brother, my cousins, my other aunt and my uncle refuse to have any kind of interaction with my grandma and have cut her from their lives completely which makes me pretty sad. My grandma, for the most part, is pretty independent. However, she hates going anywhere (refuses!) and sits in her chair, in front of the tv for 8+ hours. The only time she will leave the house is for a doctor's appointment. Other than that the only time she moves is to use the restroom or to get something to eat (sometimes - other times she demands my aunt fix her something). Her doctors tell her to go for walks or move around the house or her legs will just keep deteriorating but she doesn't listen and so she wonders why her pain continues to worsen. I know she's older but sometimes my aunt and I will ask her if she'd like to help clean up the house by just dusting some things in the living room or cleaning up things around her chair - just to get her to move around and she again refuses to move out of her chair. Instead, she will sit there and make rude, snide comments about myself and my aunt while she watches us work. She does it until she accomplishes her goal of either getting a rise or tears out of one of us - then when that happens she acts like we slapped her in the face and refuses to talk to either of us for days.
My aunt also has a wonderful, supportive boyfriend who truly has nothing wrong with him. However, my grandma HATES him. She will talk badly about him all day in front of me and my aunt and I'm getting pretty sick of hearing it to be honest. She will even interrupt conversations just to talk badly about him! She'll talk about how lazy (he has two jobs) and worthless he is and how he never does anything (he actually came over and checked up on her quite a bit when my aunt and I left the state to look at colleges). My grandma berates him constantly in front of my aunt, and if my aunt wants to spend time with him all h*ll breaks loose in the house. Both my aunt and her boyfriend invite her to do things with them and in response they get 'I would never go anywhere with that dumbass.' My aunt is in her 40s and my grandmother treats her like she's a teenager with a curfew.
Theres quite a bit more that my grandma does to hurt us, and brings up things from the past just to throw in our faces (my aunt's divorce, me totaling my car). My grandma threatens to move out CONSTANTLY and my Aunt has taken her to see apartments and senior living places and my grandma always, always backs out at the last moment because she was just making a threat.
I was just wondering if this was considered being abused by an elderly person? And if so, what we could do to help this situation? Talking to my grandma about any kind of depression or her mental well being is a giant NO - she won't hear any of it and won't even consider something like that.