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My 55 year old brother and his girlfriend are living at our parent’s house. When my parents (age 90 & 92) couldn’t ’t drive anymore he moved in saying he was helping them. Both my parents can make decisions but cannot they cannot drive to run errands go to doctor appointments. My sister takes them to the doctor in her car. My brother is not helping to pay any bills. He buys groceries with my parent’s credit card for he and his girlfriend, my parents and sometimes for his son who is a full time college student. He also uses their credit card to put gas in his car. My brother (architect) and his girlfriend (nurse) work full time at their companies. While living with them he has been remodeling his own house. No contract of care was drawn up with him. Is my brother committing financial elder abuse?

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Really, how could we have any idea if he is or he isn't?
The truth is that your parents, if competent enough to understand what they are doing, can buy groceries for anyone they please.

If you believe someone is abusing your parents then you should contact the police or contact APS to investigate the situation.
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No, he is not committing financial abuse. If your parents are still making their own decisions concerning their own lives and finances and don't have a problem with this arrangement, you certainly shouldn't.

If your brother is an architect and his girlfriend is a nurse, they are not people who are hard strapped for money. Maybe you don't know the actual reason why your brother and his girlfriend are living with your parents. They may only be staying temporarily until their home is finished. There may never have even been any mention of caregiving for your parents.

I think your best bet is for everyone to sit down and have a talk because it sounds to me like no one is on the same page here about who's supposed to be doing what. In fact, it's likely none of you are even reading from the same book.

Please have a sit down with your brother, his girlfriend, and your parents and let them know what you're concerned about. Then let them explain. Don't fly off half-cocked and start throwing around elder financial abuse accusations because that can backfire real quick.
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Possibly. Are they paying on the credit cards, if you know?
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This is for your parents to decide as long as they have sound minds
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I have a few questions: (1) Are your parents unhappy with the situation? (2) How do you know the financial details (i.e., who's paying for what)?
And here are a few comments: (1) If your parents are unhappy with the situation, they can ask your brother and his friend to leave. (2) If your parents are happy with the situation, don't rock the boat. (3) People in their 90s likely will benefit from having younger folks living with them if they get along with each other. When brother and his friend move out, your parents might want or need someone else to live with them or they might need to move to a different type of residence. (4) If, as you say, your parents can make decisions, it is possible that they are fine with your brother and his friend not contributing to bill paying.
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BurntCaregiver Jul 24, 2025
Wll said, Rosered6. When the brother and his girlfriend move out, the OP may be expected to move in by the parents. Or the parents may expect to be moved into her house. Don't rock the boat is right.
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