Is lying a typical symptom of Mild Cognitive Impairment? Husband was recently diagnosed and has been lying daily about financial expenses.

I just want to add something here. "Mild Cognitive Impairment" is often a fallacy. Loved ones think, "Oh, it's nothing awful! He's fine! No big deal!" Next thing you know, we read stories about a loved one with supposed "MCI" that's wandering out of the house in the middle of the night getting lost or rubbing his feces all over the walls. Mild Cognitive Impairment is not always so 'mild'. Lots of doctors don't know their butts from a hole in the ground when making such a diagnosis, either. What one considers 'mild' another may consider 'advanced'. Dementia can progress very quickly and a person can step down into a whole new level of dementia from one day to the next. Don't fool yourself about the Mild part of the MCI diagnosis.

That said, my mother lies like a rug nowadays. She has what the doctors diagnosed in 2016 as 'progressive dementia'. When cognition issues crop up, many people are in deep denial about it and want to do things THEIR way, or make decisions to PROVE their 'fine' and there is 'nothing wrong with them.' "See, I'll show YOU I'm fine! Watch this! "


Then all hell breaks loose while they wreak havoc.

Lying (also known as confabulation) IS indeed a symptom of dementia.

It's true that in the early stages of the disease, people with dementia might fib to cover for memory loss. But most examples of “lying” are dementia symptoms rather than intentional deception. They're more like an unconscious defense mechanism.

Educate yourself on what your husband is facing emotionally and mentally. Go to Alzheimers.org to read up on the subject, even though he wasn't diagnosed with "Alzheimers" per se. A broken brain is a broken brain, no matter what diagnosis it's given.

You've gotten some great advice about consulting an Elder Care atty to find out what the most prudent avenue to take would be.

God bless you; wishing you all the best of luck with a difficult situation.

Moving your income to a separate account is a good start. You should, as others have suggested, at least get a consult with EC atty (some offer a free initial one) for ideas about how to protect yourself.

Accounts that are not joint like CCs can, on some level, be considered YOUR problem if/when he defaults. Even if you are not legally responsible, collection places won't care and WILL harass you, so start with EC atty and find out what you can do.

One option *may* be to become Rep Payee for his SS income. When you apply (local office), they will send notice to him, but if you can snag that from the mail, it would be best. They do this to protect people from other taking over their SS, but in this case it is to protect him, not defraud him.

Lying or just living in another reality? Whenever dementia affects the brain, whatever they think or "understand" is real to them. If possible, protect what assets you can and avoid confronting or arguing with him over these issues. It will only cause anger and frustration. The EC atty may be able to offer ways to get the CC issues taken care of. Removing access to the cards may help in the short term, but if he is capable enough, he can get replacements.

Dementia affects each person in different ways. It depends on the underlying cause, and in many respects the person's own personality and background. While there are shared symptoms and behaviors, each person will have their own unique "journey."

Since he refuses to consider POAs, you need to have that EC atty consult to find the best ways to protect yourself and him from himself.

You don't need POA to stop the financial bleed.

If you can not do anything on the accounts that he has opened in his name only, I don't know if you are legally responsible for them.

I recommend seeing a financial attorney and finding out how to protect the marital assets and yourself from his bad decisions.

Can you return anything? I think that I would do that with as many things as possible, if it is that type of purchasing.

Do you have a diagnosis?
If so you must now get guardianship. You will need letters from the MD (often two) and you will go to an Elder Law Attorney. You will be made financial POA. All bills and decisions will go to you and you will cancel all credit card accounts.
How impaired is your husband. If you hide/destroy his cards for now will he be able to reorder them?
You cannot let this go. Financial abuse of elders in this state often happens they say in New York Times as many as 6 years before a diagnosis as their executive function is so very poor that they make dreadful decisions, sometimes about scams. Recommend you dig up an article last Sunday New York Times business section.
You are going to have to take control here. I hope you have support in doing so. I am so relieved you have taken control of the money that is YOURS. You badly need the advice of Elder Law Attorney and may need to do a legal separation to get your own money SAFE.

You have a man with dementia and on top of that he is trying to hold on by controlling you and everything around him. I do not know the answer but I do think you must speak with an eldercare specialist as to exactly how to handle this situation and be protected from the harm he is causing. You are in for tough time and action must be started to put an end to this, even if it is necessary to get guardianship or place him. He cannot be allowed to destroy or harm you - you have done nothing to deserve that and must not allow it.

"Lying" may be a symptom of dementia in your case. Your husband may not remember what he has done financially and will "make up" reasons for his actions when confronted. He may also have some obsessive behaviors dealing with finances that are also common with dementia.

How to deal with it:
1- "White lie" of your own. Tell him that all of joint accounts and his accounts have been hacked. The bank will issue him a new debit/credit card. Give him a reloadable gift card from a major credit card company. Load a reasonable amount of "spending money" each month onto his card. Close any accounts that are only your husband's or joint accounts and place the money into your accounts.

2 - Have doctor evaluate your husband in light of this new development. It is reasonable for the doctor to declare him mentally incompetent. In most states, you will not need a power of attorney to handle your joint accounts. Before you have him declared mentally incompetent, make sure that you are an authorized representative on all financial matters: bills, banking, doctors, insurance...

3 - You might also talk with your bankers about this situation and they may have other strategies to help.

4 - It might be worthwhile to talk to a local lawyer that handles family law or elder law. He/She can give you the best legal advice to protect you financially while also caring for your husband.

Lock his credit with the major credit reporting agencies. (You may have to do a white lie of your own by pretending to be him.) You can do it all online, and they give you a password (DON'T LOSE IT!) to unlock it again. He can't apply for any credit cards if his credit is locked.

If he knows your Social Security number, you should lock your credit, too, to prevent him from going that route. You can unlock it anytime you want to apply for credit or a loan, then lock it again after the bank has checked it.

Regarding filing as Representative Payee at the Social Security office: they will want the name of his doctor, and they will send a form to the doctor’s office that asks, “Is John Smith capable of managing his own benefit payments?” You must talk to his doctor prior to going to the SSA office, and outline in detail his destructive behavior. If SSA has evidence of incapability, they will send him a letter stating they will make you his payee. If he objects, the SSA office (with dr’s statement already in file) would ask him who he would like to be his payee, if not his wife. They would make SOMEONE his payee, and they will listen to his suggestions regarding that decision.

Depending on what state you live in will determine your liability on a credit card he gets in his own name. Ask an attorney or call legal aid to figure out how to totally separate his spending from your own.

Is he shopping online? Donating money to sketchy things? As for the joint checking, was he using a debit card to get money out of there? Or going to the bank to get cash? Do you actually see the things he is buying/ordering? Do you think he's really lying (to hide it) or he really doesn't remember spending the money? Either way, if he denies doing it - that opens the door for you to tell him it must be fraud and need to cancel the credit cards. Don't let bank reissue a debit card. If anything at all - use one of the existing credit cards for misc purchases and put a very low limit on it. You pay for big expenses by way of a debit or credit card that you keep hidden.

I would suggest youbseek an attorney to help you get through the legal process. You can ask a judge to grant you POA.