Hello! I'm glad I found this website, because quite honestly...I've been having a rough summer. I'm a granddaughter who just graduated from UGA during the spring with a BFA degree w/emphasis in drawing , and I'm ready to start my life ( and I have college bills incoming that I am worried about paying). However, while my friends step into the next chapter of their life ( and got a job that pays) , I'm stuck at home, caring for my grandmother who just had hip replacement surgery.
Note that her frame was too small, which meant that they had to do extra work during surgery. So of course, recovery time will take much longer.
I love her to death, I really do. I'm so glad she is recovering, and she is getting stronger every day. But... I'm so mentally and physically drained. I haven't slept in my own bed for three weeks because I have to sleep in the living room with her. She sleeps in a recliner, and I have to be there to kick it down since she isn't strong enough.
She once couldn't get into her bed because it was too high for her poor hip. But the visiting PT showed her how to get onto the bed recently, but she chooses to sleep in the living room because she doesn't want to wake her husband. I tell her that it's her bed too, and she agrees, but here we are. ( she feels bad for waking him up)
She has a two daughters and one son. My mother works as a school teacher, my aunt works at publix, and her son lives on the other side of the state. Her husband works as a manger of a gas station that has a high turnover rate ( so he is constantly overworking himself).
Guess who had to put job searching on hold because I was the only one free to look after her completely? Me. At this point, I feel like they are using me as a full time nurse without payment. I know it's wrong to feel this way since she is family....but I've done literally everything for many weeks with a smile on my face. Without complaint. I've cancelled things I've planned a half of a year ago because they couldn't find (or afford) anyone else to look after her (They couldn't find a time in their own schedules to look after her either).
I'm tired, and I feel like I don't have any right to say anything because I don't have a job. I still feel as if I was forced into a role I didn't ask for at all. I wasn't expecting to FULLY take care of my grandmother after graduation. I just... I don't know how much longer this is going to last. I'm so burnt out. My friends text me and tell me this isn't fair of them to do this to me, but I always feel so guilty if I want some time off, because that means they'll have to scramble around like a chicken with their head cut off to find some one to take care of her. I know her husband wants to help me out, but due to his job, he is a wild card. He can't even enjoy a day off without his job calling him back in due to an employee quitting or getting fired. His job situation is bad...
I just want to take a break without feeling like some sort of monster. I was already pulled away once for two days, but the guilt ate me alive because my aunt had so much trouble shifting her schedule to take care of her.
I don't mind helping out, but I wish it wasn't putting my life on hold while all my friends are long gone. I don't have that luxury of brief relief since my friends moved out of town. It's gotten to the point where I'm thanking god for simple grocery runs to get me out of the house some, because that's all I have time for it feels like.
Heh...I feel like I'm singing Rapnuzel's "When Will My Life Begin" intro song at the beginning of Tangled. Everyone says I'm a godsend to her and they are glad I am there to help, but I feel like I'm almost ready to burst because it's just too much. I feel like the only person....er creature... who I can vent to around the house without judgment is my dog (and she has ACL surgery coming up. I can't get a break )
Thank you for letting me vent. I'm really tired and wish there was more help...