Dad moved in a year ago after mom died. The first 6 months were difficult. Then the surgery..... 2 months of back and forth to the hospital and rehab then PT at the house. Finally he is moving about much better. Its hard to deal with some days. He is much more up and around now. Finally going to lodge by himself, going to church by himself. Still not 100% but getting better. I have been pretty tough on him making him do things for himself, laundry, bills etc... I help when needed (computer, cars). For me to deal with it I have had to take a tough approach. I feel so much guilt it is unimaginable. My wife tells me I have to let go but I can't. I work at home and am here 24 hours a day. I get out for work not as much as I like. I used to hate travel now I love it as I can get out!
He is lonely, I get it and he craves talk but it is only talk about him or the stories I have grown up with. I try to be nice and agree but then he goes on and on. I am respectful but there are times. He tends to make the fish a little bigger each time. I know he has complained to others that I am grumpy but mom did everything for him. I refuse to unless it is necessary. My big issue is trying to give my wife attention without all the guilt. We try to go out once a week for us time. I feel bad leaving him at home and not taking him to dinner but I make dinner every night. If we go out he orders the best of everything and I cant afford it nor can he. If I go away for a weekend with my wife I have to make it a business trip, be sure someone is here for him and board my dog as he wont pay attention to her (his OK, my dog, no). We were all set to be empty-Nester's, lasted 1 year. Am I a bad guy for making him do his own things, laundry, bills, church, lodge? I don't want to go to church every Sunday, I am a church going guy, I deal with funerals with a group I am with all the time so I get good with God on my own terms. I want him to develop his own friends and people to associate with but he isn't seeming to make friends. I have introduced him to people but he will only go out if it is an event. He doesn't listen, he talks so there is not a lot of back and forth unless he is in command of the conversation.
I look at it as I have given him a place to be and made sure he is cared for. As far as siblings, they're are non existent. One I wont even talk to anymore, I wrote him off the way he treated Dad (and other childhood issues), the other I call and am told they will call back but never hear from them. They have plenty of time for social media but not enough to even call me to say hi, hows things, anything we can do?.... Oh, they will certainly take a shot at me on social media (I am done with by the way, being bullied when you are an adult is not a good thing, I had enough of that as a child, I certifiably don't need it from my family and so called friends). Sorry, just venting here I guess, there are days when I want to put my head in the oven, turns out I have and electric oven, my luck (just a metaphor people don't get crazy).
Am I the only one to dole out tough love (this may be a in-correct term)? Am I wrong? Is it wrong of me to give my siblings the kiss off when they don't support me?
I'm trying here.