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My husband's brother has lived with us for 10 of the worst years of my life, All because his brother fried his own brain on PCP in the mid 80's now my husband's brother thinks that the whole world owes him, he is the most disgusting and nasty human being I have ever known. After 10 years I have decided that January 2026 I am leaving with my cats, I can't take anymore of his brother's bs everyday, my husband and I have been married for 35 years but I can't take anymore of his brother. I Love my Husband dearly, but I will not be disrespected by his brother anymore.

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I would do the same thing, I know part of you wedding vows didn't include being disrespected by his brother for 10 years and your husband be all good with his brother's daily living hell and disrespecting you for 10 years I'm sure you wouldn't let your family disrespect your husband for 10 years run as fast as you can and don't look back, your husband can now go through his brother's disgusting nasty behavior by himself and be the one living in Filth and nastiness everyday because his brother can't get up off his lazy behind to do anything except for dig in his own a**.
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MG8522 Dec 21, 2025
I'm puzzled by this reply because you have the same screen name as the person who asked the original question. Which of you is the "real" hopeangel12250?
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Can you set up a section of your home that is your refuge away from him. Fix up your bedroom with a TV, nice sitting area and take your cats in there. I would stay away from him as much as I can. Your husband will get the idea and maybe work on a better solution. I would not leave my home and end up living in a tiny place that costs a lot of money . Just totally avoid the man.
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Reply to Skelly1230
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Seek couples counseling. If the brother has physically assaulted you, you can press charges.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I know one couple that is married but lives separately and still see each other.
It might be something to consider.
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MG8522 Nov 13, 2025
I know a few couples like that too.
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I would leave with the cats. You will be much happier.
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Reply to Tina1923
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No you are not wrong .
Why does your husband allow him to stay if he makes life miserable? If your husband won’t back you up , you need to leave .

You better secretly meet with a divorce lawyer before you leave.
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Reply to waytomisery
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You need to protect yourself and you need to leave. Do a division of assets NOW. Take your one half of the assets and move it to a separate account. I would not wait. You should move out after seeking advice of a divorce attorney. The time for talking is done. 10 years of this is just this side of ridiculous, and I am afraid you should take responsibility for not acting sooner.

Be careful. Someone who cares about you this little is unstable. Protect yourself and your animals. WHY you would still after 10 years of this abuse say that you love your husband dearly I cannot honestly imagine; I am so glad there aren't children involved here. I wish you the best.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You need to protect yourself and you need to leave. Do a division of assets NOW. Take your one half of the assets and move it to a separate account. I would not wait. You should move out after seeking advice of a divorce attorney. The time for talking is done.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Good for you standing up for yourself. Don't punish your husband for his brother though. Give him an ultimatum instead. He gets his brother out of your house by January 2026 or that's when you leave. If there's no other family willing to take him in, he will have to go to a homeless shelter. No doubt, he's on some kind of disability so if he's living in a shelter for a while there will be social workers helping to get him into some low-income housing or a group home if he can't live on his own.

In the meantime, make sure you have a plan in place for you and your cats if you have to get out come January 2026.
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Geaton777 Nov 13, 2025
She won't be able to kick her husband out of his own home unless he goes voluntarily because it's his legal residence. She should be the one to leave so that she doesn't have to spend any energy trying to shove people out (and it's the brother's legal residence as well, so she'd probably have to evict him but the husband would also have to agree to this). That's a lot of work.
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Good for you! I am so sorry, but your husband already knows that you don't want his brother there. Your home should be a place of peace!
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Reply to Caregiveronce
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You go girl. I am totally on your side.
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Reply to olddude
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Of course it's not wrong. It's wrong of your husband to keep his brother in your home against your wishes.

How thoroughly have you discussed this with your husband? Does he know how strongly you feel, yet still chooses his brother? Or are you just assuming he knows?

What are the finances of the situation? Does the brother contribute financially? Have you talked with your husband about setting his brother up with low-income housing, disability, SNAP, etc. so that the brother can leave?

Meet with a divorce lawyer. Don't tell your husband about it yet. Bring a list of your finances and accounts and learn what your rights are and how to protect yourself. Monitor the accounts so that your husband doesn't transfer money or anything. Once all that is lined up, so that your husband will see that you are serious about this, give him the ultimatum.

I hope your husband will understand and choose to make his brother leave. But if you need to go, then go. You deserve peace in your life without the brother. Keep us posted on how it goes.
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Reply to MG8522
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I agree with seeking couples counseling first because 35 years is a lot to throw away plus you said you still love him. I guess the question is whether he loves you enough to put you first. Maybe he's very emotionally conflicted because he feels burdened by thinking he needs to be his brother's keeper. He has problems with priorities, guilt and boundaries.

If he refuses to to go counseling then that's when you go the divorce lawyer and have a consult. Then you can decide to use unsigned divorce papers as leverage to get him to move his brother out and go to counseling.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Its not wrong of you, it's wrong of your husband to force this albatross onto you. We had such a creature in DHs family, the brother who was fried and lived with DHs sister until she went to live with the other sister who said Hell No to the brother. We had to get involved at that point. Dh got him SSDI and scheduled for cataract surgery so he could see again. We found him a motel to live in that was affordable and on a bus line to Wal Mart. It had a tiny kitchenette so he could prep meals too. He was quite content living there for a number of years until he keeled over dead one day in the Wal Mart parking lot at 70. He was a heavy smoker with bad COPD.

Your DH has twisted priorities, imo. If his brother is more important to him than his marriage, then I hope the 2 of them will be very happy together while you move on and OUT.

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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You deserve to have respect in your own home, and you didn't marry his brother.

How about having a heart-to-heart talk with husband, and maybe see a marriage counselor? It might be worth a try. If that's not enough, then pack and go. Cats tend to be very respectful beings, and you and your cats will have a happier life elsewhere.

See a divorce lawyer now. The first consultation is often free.
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