Is it worth it to fight for guardianship of a parent? - AgingCare.com

Is it worth it to fight for guardianship of a parent?

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My brother was appointed POA for finances and Healthcare because he is the oldest and my father did not realize what it fully meant. I have been the only one in the family that cared for my mother until she passed and currently for my father. My brother has wanted him to go in to a ILF with home caregivers for a long time so that I would not live with him. My father spent a few days in the hospital and had a doctor deem him incapacitated even though my father is not. He put him in the ILF and it is costing my father thousands and thousands a month. He even is paying for a private caregiver even though he knows I will be with my father the whole time. My father is not aware of how much of his money is being spent. He also would rather live with me. Now my brother is seeking guardianship but I would like to fight it .... is it worth it?

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Don't ever file for guardianship. Court loves to appoint State Guardians which will neglect and abuse. They will drain the money with Billing. But the worst part is that you will watch her elderly loved one decline rapidly. State-appointed Guardians have nothing to lose and your loved one is just the file to them. It will cost you thousands. Do what you have to do but do not file for Guardian
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First, normally you have to have two Dr.'s agree that your Dad is incapable of making his own decisions. I would speak to an Elder Law Attorney about this. Secondly, Country Mouse is correct, if your brother is POA, why does he want/need Guardianship? None of this makes any sense. Elder Law Attorneys can best answer any legal questions you may have.
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IF there is a POA then I wouldn't think a guardianship would be required. Guardianship will take away all of your father's rights. I would speak with a legal aid attorney (or other attorney) about the situation. What does your father's primary care physician say about his mental condition? Why do you feel he is capable of making complex decisions? Why does your brother think he needs to be in a facility? When there are several children, the POA that has been appointed can and does make decision the others do not like. Sounds like a family meeting would be a good idea. This way everyone can have a say and decisions can be understood etc. I know family conflict can often be difficult to deal with, but I find if everyone gets together to discuss the issue, it helps understanding of each others thoughts about the situation.
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Fighting it will only makes things worse. Your best bet is coming to an agreement with your brother and it will benefit all of you including your Dad. That's what matters first off. is your Dad's care. God Bless.
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Adult children fighting over their parent's care.... step back and realize it's a fight, first and foremost. It's two people fighting over something they both think is important. In other words, what needs to happen here is primarily about conflict resolution, and only secondarily about eldercare. Why are you fighting? We who are reading your story don't know, and you don't know either. As a professional mediator I can say that with certainty because the two parties never know. They just make assumptions about each other and then, inspired by the assumptions they made, do stuff that causes themselves and everyone around them unnecessary misery. Before you start paying lawyers a lot of money to fight, pay a family mediator a little money to make the fight unnecessary. If you can take an attitude of curiosity rather than defensiveness, and set yourself the goal of giving your father not only good care but also an intact collaborative family around him, you might even be able to do it yourselves.
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Well unless you have a medical degree and can prove your father is NOT incapacitated, then it would be in your best interest to trust that your father is. Whether or not you want to fight for him with your brother only you can decide, but your father will die with dementia, so you had better weigh what this fight will cost you financially, emotionally and physically. I fought my four siblings, but in the end mother died and although I am a nurse, I just prolonged her death about 9 months. My siblings and I no longer speak.
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Do what it takes to guardianship, POA, etc. to protect you dad. Don't listen to anybody.
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Just a point about my Aunt...my mom was diagnosed originally in Canada by a psychiatrist, so she was not convinced.

It took a second opinion by one of the top Neurologists in USA and after we had the 3D MRI that my Aunt couldn't say it was the Dr's incompetence.

I'm not saying your doing this but I just wanted you to know that a second opinion would likely be a good idea before you start spending a ton of money on a legal battle..
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The Question "Is it worth it to fight for guardianship of a parent?"

If your dad is being well cared for now...no it's not.

In order for your brother to have evoked the rights of POA and MPOA your dad would have had to be diagnosed with some form of Dementia or Mental disorder in order to say he was incapable of making decisions about his health on his own.

So I have a question for you. Did your mom have dementia?

The reason I ask is maybe you don't know the signs of dementia or how it appears.

A lot of the time a person with dementia may come off not having it, or seem totally capable but really is not and maybe you don't know that is what is going on.

I have an Aunt that has never seen it before and even though my mom was showing obvious signs of it, was in total denial and refused to believe it was the case for over a year after mom was finally diagnosed.

At any rate you have some really good advise here and I hope you are able to make a choice you can live with and will not be a negative to your father.

I actually think that the best starting point would be to get his medical records...for the record, the Dr's generally speaking are not corrupt and their diagnosis is likely good, but you could ask for a second opinion and have your dad go see another set of Dr's...try talking to your brother to have this done so that you are both satisfied with the outcome.

Just some thoughts. Good Luck and I hope you will find some peace with all of it.
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Keep it out of the courts, if at all possible !!!! No one will like the out come. That I can promise you !!!
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