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Mom fell in March. Broke right pelvis in 4 places and broke 4 vertebrae. Stable breaks, so no surgery. In hospital a week then transferred to what was supposed to be a critical care rehab with 5x/week OT and PT. Long story - short they didn't do much of anything with her in that place. MAYBE PT 2x/wk and OT a few times/wk. Never saw the attending dr in person and only saw the pain dr once, and that was on day 2.
After 21 days, she was kicked out by some insurance snafu caused by the rehab place (because her insurance didn't put a limit on the approval). I lost the appeal to keep her in, God intervening because I didn't know how crappy they were. With COVID and her fragile state, we transported her home via EMS because after 21 days of "rehab" she's now bedridden where before the fall she was supervised assist. Now she's total assist.
She's weak as hell. more so that after her stroke 2 years ago and breaking her femur last year. She's bounced back before, but this time I don't think she will. Also, her will to live is worse than ever. I'll be shocked if she lasts 6 mos.
So, we're using all her money to pay for a private aide (2hrs/day) and incontinent supplies (she's not incontinent, she just can't get out of the bed to a potty chair) and OTC medicines that insurance won't cover (cause she has bedsores after being on her a$$ for a month).
The home therapists have gotten her to transition to her wheelchair by the end of the first week home, but I'm witnessing that this is done with extreme difficulty. It's painful and she can hardly bear weight on her right leg, which is also her Polio leg. She can't tolerate being in the wheelchair for more than 90 minutes because she can't hold her head up any longer than that. She's refusing to eat all her meals and drink her fluids. She's gone from 143lbs to 129lbs since she's been home. 143 is her normal weight and that was what the rehab said she weighed. Though idk how they weighed her since they didn't get her out of bed and their beds dont have scales.


We received notice that her name has moved to top of list to apply for Texas Star Plus Program, which incl applying for Medicaid. Going back 5 years to document "gifting" to/from her and her transfer/transactions of any assets is turning out to be a pain. The form asks about furniture or household items. etc, not just big ticket assets. Mom has gifted furniture to family, and my brothers and I have bought a lot of stuff for her. (is that stuff ours or hers?)


She has debt from a bed she no longer uses - do I report that? I know they want all this financial/transaction history so they can 1) qualify her with or without penalty, and 2) so they can seize whatever they can upon her death to recoup the govt expense.
Some items Mom has refused to let go of are family items passed to my dad, thus her since he's gone, and were to be passed on to the next generation. Some things are nice, but if I offered them on Ebay. Nextdoor or Facebook. we'd get peanuts for them. Is there a value threshold for reporting these items, gifted or not yet gifted?


Also, given her current condition, I feel like my time would be better spent investigating and planning for hospice care that may be needed sooner than later. If accepted, they SAY they'll pay for diapers, OTC supplies and custodial care aides to come to the house.
I'll believe it when I see it. I've been lied to about benefits only to find out these companies and orgs don't pay when the rubber hits the road.
Does Medicaid help with hospice expenses?


Is all this worth it?


Any experience/stories yall have had in applying for these type of programs and Medicaid would be appreciated. What would you do if it were your Mom and she is too tired to live, but not ready for hospice yet?

I am so very sorry that you are struggling with this situation.

My mom recently died in hospice. Hospice caregivers are angels. They went above and beyond for mom and our entire family.

Do one hesitate to utilize their services. If a hospice house is available, please take advantage of it.

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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tboudreaux1982 May 5, 2021
you are in my prayers!!!!
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Its time for Hospice. Under Hospice she will not be transported to a hospital.

If a DNR is in place, you may be able to include no transporting to a hospital.
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babziellia May 5, 2021
I have DNRs filed with the hospitals in addition to all her advanced directive and POAHC papers. I have OOHDNR (out of the hospital DNR) for anyone visiting the home, including EMS. I keep a copy on the front door, give it out and replace. I have multiple copies. :)
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It's time for hospice. Medicare will pay for it 100%.

They will continue with her medication because she is failing to thrive and that would be what qualifies her for hospice, so no meds will be taken away.

I am so sorry for your family, this is such a difficult time to go through and our elder loved ones fail so quickly.

I am a bit upset that they tried to rehab her to soon with so many breaks. That is just wrong.
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Thx yall. Update. Mom has gained 3 lbs on her new meal plan, has walked a few steps, can manuver better in bed, can stand and do things with her hands (flip cards) and get around her room in her wheelchair for a few minutes. Nurse is taking care of bedsores and NOW i have instructions on caring for the sores.

So, she's getting better again.

I had a heart to heart talk with Mom last night and told her I was confused as to why she always states she wants to die. meet Jesus, etc., but then opts to take the bp pill to prolong her life. She said that lots of the time she wants to die and be done, but other times she doesn't want to die.
Bottom line is Mom is as confused and conflicted as I am. I did make a point of telling her lovingly that we're all ok if and when she choses to let go, it's really ok and we'll be ok, we love her. I know Mom, she's a fighter when she chooses. I've always said she'll go when she wants.

I'm still calling about hospice and making that plan.
And I think now it's worth completing the app for the program and Medicaid.

Every day is imperfect, but precious.
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graygrammie May 6, 2021
Hospice actually likes to be called in well before a person passes. As one hospice worker explained it to me, when folks wait until right before their LO dies to call in hospice, they have missed out on all the help hospice could have been giving to the LO and to the family and the hospice staff has not really had a chance to get to know their new client. If your mom is eligible, sign her up now, She may actually enjoy the attention, the visitors (nurses, aides, social worker, chaplain etc.), and the services.

My mil transitioned to hospice from home health care within the same agency on the day she told the doctor, "I'm tired of trying to get better. I don't want to do exercises any more. I'm tired." He asked if she realized that with that statement she was choosing to let herself enter the dying process and she said yes. At that point, her care changed from the goal of getting better and returning home to acknowledging she wasn't going to get better or go home and keeping her comfortable and cared for until she passed. Mil loved the aides that came and gave her baths and kept her company for a short while (because she sure did get tired of seeing our faces all the time, lol). She'd get up in the morning and ask who was coming to see her that day. And I had the assurance that if something unsettling happened, hospice was only a phone call away. Between home health care and hospice, mil had their services for the last 7 1/2 months of her life.

My mom was also on hospice care because we discovered dad was unable to be as responsible for her as he should have been and that brought to light the need for outside involvement. They were both resistant but we (and mom's dr) encouraged them to do the interview and see if they qualified. When dad found out it was not going to cost him anything, his whole tune change. Mom did qualify and she was on hospice care for over a year before passing.

All that to say not to wait until the last moments of life to set up hospice.
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The program will initially pay for things like some aide care, diapers, and other supplies. It will not be free though. After your mom passes away and her estate is probated, they take out whatever was spent by the program on her behalf.
If she can qualify for hospice care Medicare pays for it and whatever a person's secondary insurance is (even if it's Medicaid) will pick up the 20% that Medicare doesn't pay. What sometimes happens is a person graduates out of hospice because it gets determined that they are no longer in need of it. I've seen that happen. Not only with my own father who was a total invalid from a stroke and not able to live outside of a nursing home, but with a homecare client I had. She was completely invalid for years. Basically a vegetable. Then she went on hospice for a few months which was paid for. They graduated her out of it because custodial care was enough. She died almost three years after being in hospice care. Then private-pay caregivers had to return. It was better in the long run because the family didn't have to hand her home and her money over to a nursing home.
Your best bet is to keep anything state-funded or related out of your mom's life unless it becomes necessary to put her in a care facility. No matter how good they make some program sound, it is not free.
As for the state of Texas wanting an inventory of the interior contents of a house. That's outrageous. Let that be your cue about how serious the state will be about regrouping every cent spent on mom.
If I were you and mom has a house full of nice furniture and things that the state wants a record of, I'd take everything out of that house and put it into storage. Then go down to the Goodwill, some second-hand furniture store, or hit up tag sales and refurnish the house with whatever cheap crap you can find in case the state wants to come and look around.
Then you report this stuff to the state. Good luck.
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Slartibartfast May 7, 2021
"If I were you and mom has a house full of nice furniture and things that the state wants a record of, I'd take everything out of that house and put it into storage. Then go down to the Goodwill, some second-hand furniture store, or hit up tag sales and refurnish the house with whatever cheap crap you can find in case the state wants to come and look around.
Then you report this stuff to the state."

Nobody wants strangers poking around in their home but what you're describing here is fraud.
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sounds like what I am dealing with as we speak- our stories are almost exact- we came home on hospice - my grandmother is 87 was independent until she fell in jan 2021. bedridden now we are paying a sitter for a few hours of help a day as we all work.

tried Rehab for 19 days -- also got bed sores because the NH didnt mess with her much- try hospice
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NeedHelpWithMom May 5, 2021
Boudreaux,

Hi neighbor! I think about you and your grandmother. You’re still in my prayers.
You are a lovely granddaughter.

I adored my grandmother. She was the sweetest woman and certainty one of the best cooks in Louisiana! Just about everyone’s mom and grandma are excellent cooks, right?
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I agree with the thoughts about hospice. We used them for my mom and they were absolute angels.

Also, keep in mind...you can contact Hospice, talk to them, see what services they will provide, etc, and still not engage their services. It doesn't keep you from calling them again at a later time, and it will provide you with more information as you go forward.

I had reached out to hospice about 1 month before I actually engaged them for my mom. When I first called them, her cardiologist wanted to try one more treatment for my mom to see if it would do any good for her, and since it was considered "life extending", mom didn't qualify for hospice at that time; but they spent over an hour on the phone with me answering all of my questions so I had the information going forward. It really helped my mom make the decision to stop the treatment plan without trepidation for either of us.

I can't give you any practical advice on applying for Medicaid, but I would encourage that you reach out to hospice and explain all of this to them. I think in your circumstances, the more information you're armed with, the better off you'll be.
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babziellia May 5, 2021
thank you.
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While reading your first 2 paragraphs, I was wondering why she is not on hospice? Then I noticed you mentioned it. She is at that time. Her expenses for supplies will be greatly reduced. Her pain will be in better control.
As far as Medicaid, she owns what she owns. Unless they are high cost items like jewelry or art, they do not need to be reported. I found this info from Texas https://elderlawaustin.com/paying-long-term-care/texas-medicaid-eligibility/
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babziellia May 3, 2021
Thank you. I'll check out that link.

Today, Mom's BP started to tank. She's told me and the dr that's the way she wants to go. I have all this paperwork, oohdnr, advanced directive, right to refuse medicine and care. But each time her BP drops, I have to ask her if she wants the pill to bring it up. She has always said yes. She said yes again today. I even put it to her today as, "so, you want the pill that will prolong your life?" Yes was the answer. She wants to die, but then she requests treatment. I'm so confused by her. I do make whoever is there - therapist, aide, nurse - sign a paper as a witness and they have to watch me give it to her.

If I'm not there - recently got a PT job- I don't want them transporting her to the hospital. She doesn't like going to the hospital, but I feel like she feels pressured by these well meaning therapists and Homehealth personnel in the moment. These are new therapists, so maybe I need to talk with them about Mom's wishes. Would it be wrong of me to wait until she asks for the med instead of me prompting her? I'm so torn.
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I wonder if babziellia's mother felt miserable when she needed the BP pills, and decided to take them for relief--that is, perhaps her thought wasn't "I want to take this to extend my life" but rather "Right now I feel miserable, and taking this will make me feel better". She probably figured she otherwise would be very uncomfortable until her death, so she didn't want to go through that.

However, I'm glad her situation has improved such that this isn't an issue, at least not for now!
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Your mom is going through an awful lot right now and it is not surprising that there are times she wants to die and other times she rallies. It was my experience with my parents that the expected timeline for improvement after injuries such as your mothers are punishingly short which forces the person to go into long term care and that the lack of quality in long term care pushes the person into hospice. I think it shows a lack of respect for the elderly. Your mom is improving on her own schedule and who knows? she might "graduate" hospice. As long as she is improving, I would get her finances in order in case an application to Medicaid Long-Term Care is needed in the future. If you are familiar with the regulations and have everything set up (seek advice from a qualified elder attorney) it will be less stressful for you. I hope the best for you and your mom. The stage of life that your mom is experiencing and therefore you are is not for the feint of heart!
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