My husband and I are caring for my mother, 95 years old, in our home. While she has lived with us since we've been married, meeting her needs has been a bit more intense in the last 6-7 years. We had a 4 day break in 2006 and a 2 day break in 2011. Siblings are not able to help. We are burnt out with no end in sight.
The question though is about my sister, 69 years old. She has several debilitating issues as well as narcissistic personality disorder. We are like oil and water. She has gone through 8 marriages, alienated her step children and adopted daughter as well as any friends she has had. She has suffered with spinal bone degeneration (has already had one surgery 20 years ago) has had flesh eating disease in both shoulders, knee surgery, stomach by-pass 3 times and the list goes on. She is hooked on pain killers morphine and oxy. During this most recent crisis, she has devised a plan to go to the ER at her local hospital and have them transport her to an ER of a specialty hospital 250 miles away but nearer to us (2 local surgeons have refused to operate on her). If they won't or can't operate on her right away, I believe that she will want to come to our house to "stay." She has already asked me if she can move in if our Mom passes. Both my husband and I have said no way, not even if she is awaiting a surgery. I intend to insist that she is placed in a SNF until a determination is made regarding surgery. Afterwards to an assisted living facility. If she recovers as she believes she will, then she can move back to her apartment and resume her crisis and drama ridden life. She is overweight (weighs about twice what I weigh) I can't lift her and I have back issues. I just need some objective insight as to whether I am doing the right thing by drawing a line in the sand.
Besides all that we have animals to take care of as well (my shepherd is about ready for a nursing home too). We are both retired, and we're just wearing out. I'm sooo tired.