I am trying to decide if it is time to move my mother into Assisted Living.
Currently, my mom is living in independent living, where they offer 3 meals a day, transportation and some activities, but no medical. If a resident needs a home health aide, they can contract with the company that is management-sanctioned (they have an office in the building).
I'm hearing conflicting reports about her capabilities, also muddied by my own observations.
I've asked my mom's doctor what she thinks, and she says mom is fine where she's at, but needs a little help with medications and housekeeping. (That sounds like entry level assisted living to me.)
The management where she lives treats her as completely incapable and my mother constantly asks me to call them for her requests because they won't listen to her. They have all but forced her to give up her cat due to her not managing the litter box. She is very upset to lose her friend. (On this I agree with the management and wish I could thank them, at least for the cat's sake.) The management is supposed to provide light housekeeping, clean towels and linens. Due to COVID they are not housekeeping at all. They drop off sheets and towels every week,and then they are appalled at her lack of housekeeping (she has never been one of those spotless types) and said pre-COVID that they can't clean because she has too much stuff. So, she has her own vacuum cleaner and mops the tile areas, cleans the bathroom as best as she can. They charge to bring meals up when residents are sick, after the first three meals. This place is way too expensive to have to pay for someone to walk up one flight of stairs and hang a bag on a doorknob. I wish they would credit us for the unperformed housekeeping, and all the breakfasts she has never eaten.
In their defense, having lived with her all my life, I confirm that she can be challenging. What annoys me is their supposedly hands-off-independent-living-we-don't-mess-with-anything approach while still managing to meddle in an epically unprofessional scale.
Okay. Rant over. Point is that although they haven't said anything, it's obvious that they think she is overly needy in terms of their offerings.
My own observations... I think she could use a more structured environment where there are people looking in on her daily and helping out where needed. (housekeeping and the like). She is a social person, so I would like her to be able to make friends and to live somewhere where the staff is supportive and treats her with respect. You know, like an adult with a mind of her own.
A couple other things:
-My mother has asked for the home health aides to set up her pills every week. (leading me to believe that she is unsure in this area).
-She is incontinent. (I point this out from a housekeeping standpoint.)
-She does have some trouble with short term memory and I expect that will only get worse over time.
-My mother is really good at pulling the wool over strangers' eyes when it comes to her capabilities. Hence why I think the doc thinks she's good.
I have broached the topic with her, more as a threat than a reality, but I plan to bring it up again in the near future. Currently I am running the numbers, and doing the research to find places that will eventually take Medicaid.
Anyway. Do I go with my gut on this?