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She sits in a chair most of the day with the TV & IPad on constantly. He tries to engage her in things she used to like - getting her nails done, having someone come in to clean, etc. But she always says no and unfortunately he's letting her make those decisions - which she isn't capable of doing at this time. How can we as neighbors help him the caregiver?

Yes, I would agree it is.

Despite not being mobile, she is 'shadowing' him by constantly calling out/seeking reassurance. She would possibly physically shadow him if able to. My parent does the same.

I believe it wells from anxiety - which is understanble really when become very dependant on another, but very very hard on the caregiver. I heard it is one of the main reasons people get placed into care, even above bathroom duty.

You asked how to help? Well if you are up for hands-on, sitting with the lady, watch tv, sit in the garden for an hour so the gentleman can take a walk or pop to the shops may be an idea.

If that's not for you, maybe suggest he keep trying to add in extra people like he has been. It takes patience but does work.

A well-used way is a 'cleaning lady' (actually an agency care aide). That nice 'Jane' is coming again this week! Then she stays for a cuppa. Then visits 2 afternoons a week. Builds trust. When 'Jane' is busy, she may send her friend 'Jenny' instead.

This really does work & people grow to love their 'ladies'.

The biggest barrier can be the caregiver themself. An adjustment in attitude: That it is OK to say no if the request is unreasonable & to say yes to things that are reasonable. Eg That he is in sight 24/7? Not reasonable. That extra help (non-him help) is needed? Reasonable.

You don't need to be his social worker either 😊. Just be a good neighbour & ask how he is. Good neighbours are like gold 😍
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Reply to Beatty
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Yes, that behavior is shadowing. My 99-yr old aunt won't let her sister out of her sight even though she's not mobile -- she'll just keep yelling for her from her chair.

A good way to help your neighbor is to help him get a break, which I understand will be challenging with her shadowing. He may need to just duck out while to get a break while a neighbor or 2 stays with her. She will continue to call or search for him and may get agitated, but it's not going to kill her. He and all helpers must educate themselves on how to engage someone with dementia so that she is kept as calm as possible. Teepa Snow has some excellent videos on Positive Caregiving on YouTube that I highly recommend. Bless you for wanting to help.
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Reply to Geaton777
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