I'm 20, I've never had a job after highschool because I was forced by my father to help take care of her for two years now. It's stressing me out so much.

For the most part I've been waking up in the mornings and helping her out with meds and bathroom and stuff like that then when my father comes home from work he takes over, but hes wanting me to fully take over so he can work more, and I can't handle that

He told me that now I'm going to have to legally become her caregiver but she's so mean. She had a stroke two yrs ago that left her pretty paralyzed.

But I'm so tired. So so tired that I cry thinking that this is gonna end up being my life for years?

I want to spend more time with my boyfriend, I haven't even seen any of my friends in ages because I've been too sad to do anything.

My brother doesn't help out either, it has to be me. My brother has a job and everything but I'm so stressed and scared I don't want to do it

She can be pretty controlling and mean to me too :(

What should I even do at this point? I want to do things with my life and get a job and have friends and not be sad and stressed

Also sorry this is all over the place, I was just ranting out my feelings and want some advice and stuff.

You don't have to do this. Get a part time job. Save money. And move out. Mom needs a professional caregiver to help her. But dad won't get the message until you show him you are moving on
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Lvnsm1826

Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to HelloImMinsu

You have no legal obligation to provide care for your mother at all. You are not being selfish at all. I have a 21 year old daughter, she is taking university courses, hanging out with friends and working. These are the sort of activities you should be doing at 20, not providing care to your parent.

Your father seems to think you are an indentured servant, but you are not.

You need your independence. To get it you will need money, so that means a paying job. If you work 4 hours a night, and the weekends, you should be able to save up enough money for rent. Then tell Dad you are moving out and get a full time job, so you can continue to pay your way.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Tothill

I’m sorry that you and your mom have the problems that you do. You are so young to be in the position you are in. It’s hard to be a caregiver even when you have a good relationship with the care receiver.
That’s the position I’m in. My mom and I get along. We have had a great relationship all my life. But since she had to move in with me, it’s so different. I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to do this any more.
Try to take care of yourself. I know that’s not easy. You are worthy, and unique and special and God has a good plan for you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to KarlaDay

I think it’s normal in your situation to want a life of your own. Do you get paid? How about continuing your education?
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Reply to MammaDrama
jessie652 Feb 5, 2020
I don't make any money, I just live under this roof and take care of her while dad works currently.

I wanted to continue my education so bad but we didn't have the means and my brother was quick to get a job himself so her problems wouldn't fall onto him and instead on me and dad
Are you being sold a bill of goods? (Means, is it true?)

Your father told you what?
"He told me that now i'm going to have to legally become her caregiver".

What does he mean, legally? Can you explain?
Red flags.

Are you being used, manipulated, lied to?

Where will your father be? A spouse is responsible for their spouse.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sendhelp
jessie652 Feb 5, 2020
its such a tricky situation :( thats just what he told me. I think hes planning on moving out, maybe even leaving her because she gets so mean to him, hes not a nice man himself and i think hes reaching his own limit.

he doesnt tell me much, just tells me to do this and that and does his own thing

im just so scared for my own future

also yes im telling the truth, her stroke was in 2018 right after i graduated ^
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