Prior to her husband's death (of liver cirrhosis) she suffered from depression and she would have outbursts of rage. She spent about 20 yrs mostly staying home and sleeping during the day. Rarely left the house. She drank 2 to 5 beers a night. Always exhausted. Always paranoid.
In 2019, she hallucinated animals in her bed. Her nurse practitioner took her off Prozac, saying it was too much serotonin with her other antidepressants. The hallucinations stopped.
Since her husband died, she's had delusions and hallucinations that people are out to get her, people are knocking and prowling. (She has an alarm and cameras.) She dreams that we come into her home, then argues with us that it really happened. She hides stuff. She calls police. They calm her down and leave. She calls me at 3AM to relay what happened in some horrible dream. Her worst cognition is upon waking. She forgets that her husband is dead and calls people wanting to know where he is. After she's been awake for an hour, she sounds normal. I wish I could talk her into moving into a senior community. She's mean and independent.
Her doctor - a geriatric internal med doctor says she has depression and PTSD. (????) Her psychologist tells her she's going to be okay because it's normal to grieve, and he makes her appointments for every two months. (!!!2 mos?)
Alprazolam (2x daily)
Venlafaxine 225mg
Cetirizine (zyrtec)
Meloxicam as needed for stenosis pain
My sister and I do not have POA. She does not trust us. We are often asked to stay in the waiting room at Dr appts.
I asked her nurse practitioner 2 yrs ago to do a test for UTI. She said she didn't need one. When mom was in the hospital ER for high blood pressure, I asked them to check for UTI. They failed to do so.
I asked her current doctor - the geriatric specialist- to test for UTI. He nodded at me in the hallway, then did not take a urine sample. I have handed his nurse letters about mom's symptoms and her drinking. I can only hope they read them.
I am just assuming she has one of the forms of dementia. Are these doctors just treating her like a lost cause?

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Since you have no legal authority to act on her behalf, and it doesn't appear likely to ever be given to you or your sister, keep calling APS for her county to report her as a vulnerable adult. They may or may not be useful, but it is all you are able to do. If she has a medical crisis that lands her in the ER and you are contacted, be sure to tell the staff that she is an "unsafe discharge". And never ever let them pressure YOU to take her in, even temporarily. Contact the hospital social worker and explain the situation so they understand she cannot go back to her home without peril to herself.

What happens if she is not discharged to her home: the county would move to acquire guardianship of her, she will be placed in a care facility and the county-appointed guardian will be the only one making medical decisions and managing her finances -- there would be no transparency into her finances any more. You can still engage with her as family but all legal authority is possessed by the guardian. I wish you peace in your heart that you can only do what you are able.
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Sounds like the psychologist is useless. If the one M.D. is prescribing all that and won’t listen to you, it’s time for a new doctor. I know that very well may be out of your control, do you think there’s any way you could convince or even trick her into seeing a new doctor?
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Well. Taking her off the Prozac seems like a good idea--she's on 2 other AD's---and benzos---and stuff for heartburn and high cholesterol and sleep and pain--what an interesting mix.

ONE doc is prescribing all this stuff? At age 76, it seems like a LOT of fires are being put out, actually some of these drugs are for the s/e of others of the drugs.

Doubtful her behavior is a UTI, she just sounds controlling and kind of mean, but she has a right to not have you in the exam room, frustrating as that is.

Yes, the dr could just be throwing meds at a 'lost cause' but they have to validate WHY they have her on so much stuff!

If she doesn't want you to know what goes on in her visits, why do you go with her? Leave her be. Sounds like this dr doesn't want your input. You tried 3 times to get a simple UTI test--and were ignored. I'd be all for sending mom in an UBER to her dr visits and stepping out. (My mom probably takes as much stuff as your mom--she's 91 and is going to live forever--acc to her dr.)

If neither of you has POA, then there is NOTHING you can do. Step back, kind of ignore her complaints and drama.

And BTW, not ONE of those meds is OK with an alcohol kicker. Even 2-3 beers is too much. I'd say the drinking combined with that cocktail is what's causing her to be the way she is. She may well have a UTI but that's the least of your worries.

Hope she doesn't live with you. If not, you can create boundaries and keep them firm.

Frankly, this dr does not inspire confidence at all.
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