Follow
Share

Mom is 91, and mentally intact, but at her age, anything can happen. She's a very pleasant lady and we get along well. I've had POA for 5 years. I've been living with her for 3.5 years since she can no longer be alone, and I have been renting out my condo. I work from home.

I now want to downsize her out of her house and have her move in with me to the condo. That way we could put the house proceeds in a healthcare trust and use her monthly income to assist with hiring in some home healthcare, so I am not so housebound. Currently her income largely goes to keeping her house going.

Is this a wise plan? She is agreeable with the idea. She has no other assets.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thanks, Freqflyer. I wish my mom would take that approach, but for whatever reason she doesn't seem to want to make any decisions. It's very frustrating.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks, igloo. All good advice. You're right---there will be expenses to get the house ready to sell.

I must say, this is all very eyeopening. When you're young, you never think of this stuff!!! Ignorance is definitely bliss.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

MomcareFL, what some people are doing now is giving away things to relatives/friends while they are still alive... that way they get to see the smile and enjoy hearing about the items.

Example, I plan to give my sig other's grand-daughters [ages 8 and 10] my old coin collection and my old stamp book collection, as I was their age when I first got interested. Hopefully they will have fun collecting.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Momcare - thanks, so our mom is totally tied to whatever the RM agreement is.
So do you have a very clear figures from the RM as to what the costs would be for changing the terms of the RM & canceling the RM (which are usually based on the homeowners death)? If not, I'd suggest you get in writing from the RM holder what the payoff amount due to the RM would be. Then secondly I'd speak with a couple of Realtors to get comps for your mom's property to see what it would possible sell for & the days on market (the DOM) and what her proceeds could realistically be.

The DOM is important as there will be costs to sell mom's place. If you all find that the utilities need to be on 24/7; yard much more maintained; insurance rider place; having the house prettied up, painted or stage or whatever to make it market ready, etc, well all that adds up. If it runs say an add'l $ 600 a month, then the DOM is going to be mucho importante. Then take all the figures to see where you stand as to just how much $$ mom may realistically have.

And I'd do this BEFORE paying 10K to the CC company cause once that 10K is paid, it is gone.

If they live long enough, unless they are generationally wealthy, they are going to run out of money eventually & the family member caregiver is going to run out of steam (& humor). It's good you are thinking about all this now. Health care costs are just staggering.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Freqflyer, I know what you mean. Getting parents to part with anything at this stage is slow going. One problem for me is that we have many family heirlooms, and mom has never made a list of who should get what (she expects my sister and me to divvy everything up when she is gone, which won't be fun since I am sure both of us are interested in having some of the same things).

But, it won't all fit in my condo, so Mom will have to part with some things, or we'll have to stick stuff in storage.

I'm downsizing too. Wish Mom had done the same after Dad died 20+ yrs ago!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yes, pamzimmrrt, I am hoping it will be a blessing for us all in the long run. It will certainly be easier for me. She will have a cheery room there, so hopefully she adjusts. I just hope to God that her money lasts long enough and that she never needs Medicare. Sounds like it can be a nightmare. Hopefully they have mercy on caregivers who are just doing their best.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hi, igloo; Mom has had the RM for almost 4 years.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Momcare - Why do a RM (which has all sorts of restrictions) rather than trying to sell the house traditionally through a Realtor?

or has mom already done the RM?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sorry. One more question. Mom has $10K credit card debt (all hers). Is there any reason I should not pay that off now with money from her reverse mortgage equity line? Or wait until the house sells? I am inclined to do it now just to be done with it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Downsizing what is in the house is a major challenge. I've been trying to get my parents to start donating or tossing out things, but that has been very slow going.

My Dad is still trying to get me or my sig other to shimmy up into the attic opening to bring down boxes of books and paperwork.... not in your life will we climb up there, that ship had sailed some time ago. Why on earth Dad put stuff up there is beyond me when they have a perfectly good basement for storage. With the heat here in the summer, the papers and books probably have crumbled if the mice didn't get to it first for nesting material. Dad said he thinks his stamp book from childhood is up here... it will be so sad if it is ruined.

In fact I have started to downsize inside myself. Got rid of half my books. It wasn't easy to say goodbye to them last month but now I don't miss them at all.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Maybe living in your condo will be a blessing. My folks had a very steep stairway in thier house. We have 2 short series of steps here and even they can be a challenge! So do it now, while mom is agreeable! We were looking to downsize before my folks moved in.. glad we didn;t but I still find myself looking at smaller ranchers. My daughter just bought a handicapped accessable condo ,and my folks love it. Too bad they cant live alone anymore! I love her condo too.. I may buy it when she moves out someday! She is is not handicapped, but the bathrooms and hallways are bigger and it was ground floor so she knew it would be easier for all of us to visit
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks, Freqflyer. I do think it's best to get out now, but I do hope Mom will be able to adjust. That's my biggest worry. I don't want the move to be an event that sets a bigger decline in motion. We'll just transition slowly, maybe spend weekends here and weekdays there a bit, just so she can say farewells to the house.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks, ba8alou---you know it took me ages to realize that my mom is not and has never really been a proactive person; I think it's in both our interests to downsize out of this house now. Wish I could just snap my fingers and have it done. I'm always paranoid that the next crisis is right around the bend!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

MomcareFL, once the equity line is used up, and your Mom still wants to stay in here home, the whole loan becomes due and payable... then your Mom would need to refinance to pay off the Reverse Mortgage, or sell the house.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Momcare, you are such a smart cookie to deal with this in a non crisis situation. Kudos!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks, freqflyer. That's helpful advice. She owes about $110K, and houses like hers are now selling for double that. As I recall, if she moves out permanently, she has to sell within 3 months but can take up to a year. But, I will check as you suggest. Many thanks!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

That's what I was thinking--that doing it now would be better. She was recently in rehab for a UTI and they assessed her at that time. She scored 28/30. Her short-term memory has declined in the past year, but for her age they tell me she is still very much on the ball. She has never shown signs of depression and is generally a positive person.

I agree to approach slowly. We've been talking about making this move for many months now. The UTI crisis made me realize what an albatross her home could become. Yes, I guess she could stay in it indefinitely (until the equity line is used up), but if she suddenly needs an NH or ALF, the house would have to be sold urgently and I don't want to have to go through that if I don't have to. I'll be under enough stress. And I can't afford to pay off her reverse mortgage to allow her to keep the home.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

MomcareFL, since your Mom can live with you at your condo, and she is agreeable to move [that is half the battle] I would highly recommend that you sell your Mom's house as long as there is enough equity to pay back the whole reverse-mortgage loan.

Check with the mortgage company to see what happens if your Mom leaves that house... see how much time she has to sell the house... and get a good Realtor and a Settlement Company who both understand how reverse mortgages work. The Reverse Mortgage won't affect the Buyer.

Here's hoping for a really smooth sell and move :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Momcare, better to move her while she has fewer mental issues than she'll have later. Has she been diagnosed with mild cognitive decline or depression? Think about a visit to a geriatric psych to assess her mental status. Approach a move slowly, with lots of mental prep.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks for that vote of confidence; prices are indeed in a good place here. I can't help but feel guilty, though, because I know it's not good to move an elderly person; still, if she needed to be in a facility, there would be no other way to pay for it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If prices are up in her housing market, I would say do it. BUT prices usually fall in winter and peak in mid-summer here in NY. Not sure how FL works.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter