As stated in my previous posts, I have been my father's primary caregiver since the passing of my mom 21 years ago. I sacrificed and gave up so much to remain in my hometown. My father and I have also had a tense relationship and he has always put me down since I was a child and he still does. Last night, was the last straw. He told me that all of my struggles were my fault. Long story short, he does not seem to understand why I struggle financially. I retired two years ago and one of my main reasons was to be available for him. But I will be going back to work full time this fall and I want to move away. I even told him that I wish I had left years ago to have better opportunities and he said it is too late for me now. If I could afford to move soon, I would but I'm going to try to work towards doing so.
We only had 6 years of happiness, remodeled the house, went to Maui 5 times...then he was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer, given a year to live.
At 52, I was alone again and devastated. I met a new group of people and slowly made new friends, and they all still are friends 17 yrs later. I struggled financially, yet by 2018 (at age 64) I paid off all debt, and retired in my paid off house. It was a big comeback!
I was so bored, I got on the local Planning Commission for 2 yrs, then was asked to run for City Council in 2020 (at age 66), entirely financed by clean money donations. I got 6,000 votes and missed winning by only 700.
My 50s were amazing and not what I ever expected!
Don't think your life is over at 52! Whoever tells you that is jealous they aren't 52.
I divorced when I was 60, worked until I was 73 and met someone when I was 71. We are still together looking forward to the future.
The most important thing is to look after your health and look after your finances. I only started saving for my retirement when I was 50 and I am comfortably off now partly due to working so long and building my pension.
You can do it. Yay for you moving away and going back to work. Your father is only saying it's too late to try to keep you there in the same role. He wants to control you. Cut the chains!
So I sure hope to say it's possible.As the mom repeated in Moonstruck "It ain't over till it's over".
And you aren't starting over unless you died and found out it's all about reincarnation. You don't start over. You continue, and as you go you choose different paths (or not), you learn (or don't), you discard what wasn't working and gather in what will (or you don't).
50's is not too old, go for it, don't waste another moment.
Make a plan, and follow through!
You will do the same!
You go girl! Spread those wings and FLY
And do not look back!!!
Never too late 50 or 80 to start over or rather restart our lives post caregiving.
As somebody once wrote we owe to ourselves after caregiving to live the best possible lives. Think big!
And please no more excuses as to why you can't work/leave. You deserve so much better than what you have put up with the last many years.
I still am not sure that you believe that as if you did, your last sentence wouldn't say, "If I could afford to move soon, I would but I'm going to TRY to work towards doing so." It would instead say that no matter what I am moving out and getting away from this unhealthy situation as I know that I deserve so much better.
There is power in words, so choose yours carefully and intentionally.
God bless you.
See All Answers