Is it possible that my mother is asking dumb questions for attention or manipulation?

JandH, if she is echoing everything you say, look up "echolalia". She is experiencing difficulty in processing what she hears. Bring this up with her neurologist and make note of when it started, how often it occurs and how long it takes her to process the information.

Rainey I have a feeling it's the dementia. My mom has no short-term memory and keeps asking me about my cousin, who I've quit communicating with (for the most part) because she was so mean to me. And my mom asks constantly about how my brother is doing. She talks to him every Sunday (probably for 3 minutes) but she can't remember it. He lives in another state and hasn't visited for 8 or 9 years. So I do EVERYTHING for mom and she wants me to report on my brother too. Believe me, that grinds my gears! But she's not doing it in a mean way, she just can't remember she's already asked me and doesn't remember how that ticks me off. Her memory literally comes and goes. Some days she can remember stuff, then the next day (or hour) it's gone from her memory. Very strange (and interesting). Our brains are weird things that are inexplicable!

There is also something called "learned helplessness". My 85-year old Alzheimer's friend (now mercifully in full residential care) found out long ago as an early pensioner that having small symptoms and endlessly running to a doctor or pharmacist made her feel important. But she hid her Alzheimer diagnosis from me for 6 months until I saw her behaviour was erratic.
Liking attention, she deliberately provoked quarrels between me and a long-standing male friend by refusing to cooperate in any system we set up to keep her living independently at home. She loved it when the two of us quarrelled over her. One day we wised up, and we stopped.
So early-stage Alzheimer patients are able to quickly detect what buttons can be pushed, and they push and push them because it is a way that they control the behaviour of the people who are telling them what to do.

I know my mother plays more helpless than she really is sometimes. I've never run across the "on my feet" type thing, though. I probably would have to answer, "No, on your hands." I wouldn't worry unless she actually put them on her hands.

Another thing some people can be guilty of is pushing buttons. It can be irresistible after they find a button to push. It can be best to act like something doesn't bother us or else they'll do it more and more. There can be a streak of mean in all the sweetness at time.

And then there is straight-up lying. And errors of omission.

Before dementia, whenever my mom felt insecure or challenged, she gave the answer that made her sound comptent and in charge. Not necessarily the truth.

As dementia slowly crept in, mom clung to that. In hindsight, the cover-ups were increasing. But the justifications and dismissals sounded just like her old self.

And to komentaightor's point about the eldery using their words to control the people around them -- bingo. My mom's false "I'm fine" and "I don't need XXXXX" and "I know what I'm doing" and "I called the gutter cleaner last week" kept me from knowing how much she was really slipping.

Pretty convenient -- for mom. She did not want me to know the truth. And for the most part, I did not.

I learned a lot of truth by snooping -- while she was alive. That was depressing. The neighbor-helpers mom swore to secrecy started singing like canaries....after she was dead.

And cleaning out her house, oh boy. That's the truth-teller.

Is your mother showing signs of dementia? Most people will tell you that people with dementia are not capable of manipulation. But, I know my mother was, at least in the beggining stages. The "on my feet?" is exactly the kind of thing my mom would say. The real problem came up when mom would play more demented than she really was but was not able to understand the consequences of doing that.

Dementia can manifest in weird ways sometimes, I've had my mom ask for a drink while she has a cup in her hands, it's hard for me to react to "crazy" with a smile and I know for a fact that it isn't manipulation in my own case, so give yourself a break!

My mother does this, not so much with me but with other visitors. Like when her doctor or blood tech visits she'll complain about something totally out of nowhere, or when her granddaughters visit (rarely) she'll start carrying on like she's in agony.

Rainey69 I so enjoyed your post! Hearing what you said echoes so much of how I feel. Thank you

BlackHole,
I can see that. My Mom has lived her life in denial but there was no hiding it when she was starting to slip mentally. Fender benders, not remembering how it happened, forgetting where she parked her car, passing work tasks off to other people because she couldn't remember how to use equipment anymore, etc. She eventually had to admit she knew she was changing so I took her in for a test at the hospital. She failed it pretty badly. Even though I am sure it was a blow to her ego, I told her she was endangering her life as well as others by her refusal to quit driving and working. I am sure if I had not been keeping close tabs on her or lived far away, she would have kept going and there would have been a disaster in some form heading her way. My brothers sort of picked up on it but did not take it seriously, they just thought it was normal for her age to be getting "more forgetful."
My brother actually accused me of getting her to retire, like it was a bad thing, she was 74! I told him they were getting ready to force her to retire and how humiliating it would have been for her to end her life long career as a nurse by being forced out instead of her keeping her dignity intact and bowing out gracefully. I had the inside scoop of her work performance as I was friends with a co-worker of hers so I knew this was a fact. The hard part is determining from day to day her mental competence. Some days she seems to be fine, other days it's like the spaghetti isn't sticking to the wall, she asks the same things even though I just told her 10 minutes before. It's tricky because I do know so well the side of her that has lived in denial most of her life especially with things she did not want to think about or face. So I still battle with, is she purposely forgetting our conversations because she doesn't want to remember, or is it the dementia?
The other day we were out shopping at the grocery, just before we left I brought over a new roll of paper towels and showed them to her and put them on the holder. While at the store, we passed the paper towels and she insisted she needs them. I told her, "Mom, I just gave you a brand new role before we left, do you remember?" Then she just kept saying, "I only have a few sheets left!" I repeated what I told her previously and she replied the same. It just wasn't sinking in at all no matter how many ways I tried to tell her she had a new role. It freaked me out. That was the first time she was not understanding what I was telling her no matter how many ways I tried explaining it. Also, since she has been living with me, (going on 4 years now) she has never had to buy paper towels, TP, sponges, and other stuff I buy in bulk at Costco so I always make sure she has what she needs. That was a first. I then wonder, bad day or is the dementia advancing? It's the wait and see what she will be like today. It is sad to watch and somedays, I am just not in the mood for being asked the same questions over and over and sometimes I get irritated. Then I feel awful.