Hello fellow caregivers, I have been taking care of my mother for years now 24/7 both at her house and now in an apartment we both share. I'm 67 and my health is now starting to decline somewhat. I recently met a very caring gentleman and would love to begin a life with him ( a life I haven't had for 15 years now). I feel so guilty having these thoughts but I think I deserve some life before I'm too old to actually have one! My mother suffers from mild Dementia and has severe arthritis in her back causing her to wake me up all through the night which my sleep as well as hers. She makes enough money from my father's pension and her disability benefits. I would like to work part time again and start a new relationship with this gentleman. I'm wondering if I got a live in caregiver (one preferably not through an agency as they cost a small fortune and the rent for this apartment is quite high). I have a non caring brother whom I have been tempted to call and tell him my plans to leave and if he cares about my mother then he should come and get her. But does anyone know how much would it cost to find a live in advertising for one in a newspaper want add? If she had free rent and her own bed and bath and I still paid the bills since I am POA, what other costs would she need for herself alone? I would still have to give her money for food and medicines for my mother. Maybe it's better to stay here and hire the help I need to get away from time to time. Any suggestions? Thank you for letting me vent. I do not know what I would do without the advice of this caring website.

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You want a new life without strife?

Mom will probably need more care before her life comes to an end
Do you think you can find a live in caregiver you can depend
on to not only care for your mom but give you peace of mind ?
That's a pretty tall order, good luck in your find.
Helpful Answer (1)

gnorth1234, one thing you will need to consider is that a live-in caregiver will crash and burn very quickly if they are doing the work of 3 full-time caregivers daily. You know how exhausting it is for you, it would be the same for the live-in caregiver. Youth may be on their side, but they also need a good night sleep.

Note: if your hire a person from outside of an Agency, you would need to purchase Workman's Comp insurance as that person would be an "employee". Such insurance can be bought through whatever homeowner's insurance Mom is using. This is important in case the caregiver gets hurt on the job.

You will also need to check with the Landlord to see if another person can be living in the apartment who is not on the Lease. Unless you own your apartment.

It may be best, if Mom can budget for this, to move to Independent Living that has options for extra care. That way Mom still has enough memory so that she can learn her way around the facility, recognize the Staff, and meet new friends of her own generation. It's something to think about.
Helpful Answer (3)

You do realize that live in caregivers have to be paid a liveable wage too? Free rent and her own room is not enough. You’d still have to pay a couple thousand per month. Free room & board is not nearly enough for a full time caregiver. Why not move mom in to assisted living? You need to have your own life too.
Helpful Answer (4)

This is not easy to answer. I have a 93 year old mom that lives with me. I’m 63 so I am close to your age. I can relate. I miss working too.

I’m married so that part we don’t have in common. But I have grown kids that I rarely get to do things with. The oldest is sick and I would love to be able to spend more time with her. She has diabetes and Crohn’s, blood clots, has had many surgeries, allergies to certain medications, just complications with her medical situation, and a daughter in college that I would like to see more. Not to mention time with my husband and friends. It’s tough being a caregiver, tough not having our own space, lonely as well. I get it!

I wouldn’t be comfortable with a newspaper ad. Better do a thorough background check! You could be opening up the door to a nightmare!

You say free room and a bath, great but she will need food, personal items, soap, shampoo, etc.

Would you be a caregiver without a salary? I wouldn’t. Days off? Vacation? You need to plan for all of this. Who takes mom to the doctor? Gas money? Lots to think about! Car insurance? She has to have a salary high enough to pay for all of these things.
Helpful Answer (2)
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2019

yep, that’s why I told her there has to be a high enough salary to accommodate the situation, certainly not just room and board. That will never work. Who would agree to that? Anyone who would, I’d be wondering why.
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