Mom is in an assisted living facility nearby. She is 92 and has moderate dementia. She is on a fixed income and is running through her savings. She must live there two years, use up her savings, before she qualifies for Medicaid. We took over taking care of her meds to save $700 a month. My husband is her go-to person for errands, trips to doctors, change the clocks, pick up meds, get cash for her, etc. She won't use the facility's bus. She's come to rely on him. He's a good guy. I haven't been able to help in some time because of mobility issues.
Recently my issues have worsened and so we are having to move some distance away because there are no ADA apartments nearby. My husband is now busy caring for me. He understandably would like to turn over mom's care to my siblings. So I've reached out to my out of state siblings to take over her care. They want to hire a part-time caregiver though there aren't many in this area plus mom insists she doesn't need anyone. She says she'll rely on her 98 year old boyfriend to take care of pills, drive her to doctors' appointments, etc.
Is it unkind to move her out of state and away from the boyfriend at her age if she refuses a caregiver? And what about the cost which will surely deplete her savings more rapidly? I want to do the kind thing here, but we can't look after her any longer. We're struggling and frankly burned out as it is.