We have separate bedrooms, thank God, so I hide the phone and TVemote at night. Any ideas of what else I can do? I also handle all the finances and have frozen his credit. Even so, he found a way to get a charge card and has cost us several thousand dollars of charges.
I can see where ur coming from here. You have put up with his s**t for 54 yrs and now this. Your tired and you don't have the energy to fight this battle. Get him placed anyway u can.
My Dad was not an easy man to live with. Because of heart issues he retired at about 52. Mom took care of him and waited on him hand and foot. He knew when and how to push her buttons. I walked in on her screaming at him red in the face. Him, sitting there smiling. I said "Mom ur going to have a stroke". What set her off...she had said to Dad after he made some kind of remark "you have been retired for 25 yrs, when can I retire" Dad said "never". That set her off. She told me "they don't tell u when u say those vows that when u both get old u don't feel like putting up with their s**t any longer" True huh
I would see an elder lawyer for your protection. Medicaid allows assets to be split. DHs going for his care inva facility and when that money is almost gone, Medicaid is applied for. Once on Medicaid, you remain in the home, have a car and enough or all of the monthly income to live on.
If your husbands ends up in a hospital and better Rehab, you have him evaluated for 24/7 care. If its needed, thats when u place him in care.
You have to treat your husband's encephalopathy as dementia. His symptoms and behaviors are similar, including Sundowning and restlessness at night. Have strokes caused his encephalopathy, or drug use, or cirrhosis of the liver, or exposure to toxins as a vet? I would think the VA has programs and facilities for military veterans to house folks like your husband. Or a course of treatment depending upon the reason for the diagnosis in the first place. They should be able to medicate him to the point where he can be managed by others in a VA care home or facilty of some kind. The burden of constantly picking up the pieces of HIS chaotic messes should not continuously fall on your shoulders. You will die of stress, potentially, and then What? Then the state takes over and he GOES into managed care somewhere, PERIOD.
I can give you reading materials up the wazoo about dementia and the Do's and Don'ts about dealing with the patient. But I think the bigger picture is more urgent. That dh needs to be medicated to where he isn't causing chaos and bedlam all day and night. Calmed down to a functional state of being. Or at least to a state where he's not causing bankruptcy or trying to off himself. Sleeping at night too, so there's some semblance of order in YOUR life.
Otherwise consider seeing an attorney about splitting the marital assets and having a guardian appointed for him. There are TWO lives that matter here, not just his.
Pick up a copy of Understanding the Dementia Experienced by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon for a few dollars. She'll explain a broken mind to you in a better way than I can. Maybe give you some tips to deal with him and calm him down, too.
But call 911 anytime he's threatening self harm or threatening YOU in any way. Have him shipped off to the psych ward for an evaluation where the right drug cocktail may be found to stabilize him, with God's help.
Good luck to you.
My caregiving came to an end in 2021. I can certainly understand your need to vent. I was at a loss many times when I was the primary caregiver for my mom.
I have high blood pressure too, and my Ex living here spikes it often with his selfish behavior. You are not alone.
So this is the normal way of doing things? What do people do when they are in this situation? Very sad 😔.
My dad’s brother had cancer and was in a VA hospital. He was single, never married.
He tried to cut his wrist in the hospital. When I went to visit him the following morning I saw his wrist bandaged but I never even thought about suicide.
His nurse came over by me to talk. She was very angry and blurted out, “We had a terrible time last night trying to save your uncle’s life! He cut his wrist and was fighting us and told us to let him die.”
I was shocked. My uncle was embarrassed and humiliated by the nurses words. He had been through so much and was in so much pain. I held his hand and told him that I understood why he didn’t want to live any longer.
You said the doctor is sympathetic but it’s little help . Is this a primary care doctor managing his medications ? Or a neurologist ? Just thinking, if so maybe a new neurologist may have a different approach ? Does he have a shunt for his encephalopathy ? If so , sometimes they get clogged and need a revision surgery .
Do you have POA ? Is he deemed no longer competent ? If so you can have him placed in memory care . If he ends up in the hospital tell the social worker you are not taking him home , that it’s not safe for you or him . ((Hugs))
Good Luck .
And while you say that "He knows he should not use TV or be online at night, but he isn't compliant" you do realize that your husbands brain is broken right and that he doesn't know that he shouldn't be using the TV or be online?
Perhaps it's time that you start educating yourself more about the horrible disease of dementia, so you can better understand exactly what your husband is going through. There are a lot of great books out there along with great YouTube videos from Teepa Snow(a dementia expert)that you can watch as well.
And know that if your husbands care is getting to be just too much for you that it's ok for you to start looking into the appropriate facility to place him in, as you know he's only going to get worse and not better.
I wish you well as you take this journey with your husband.
Just read your profile. Forgive my ignorance but why do facilities not allow someone to enter because they have attempted suicide in the past? Is this the norm for facilities? That doesn’t seem fair.