I've been a live-in for three years. Is it normal to wanna run away at times?

oh sooooo happy for you wmananealz!!! I too run away from home whenever I get a chance...even if it's only 2 or 3 days!!

Yes normal! I just came back from a 12 day Respite Vacation, provided by the VA. It was wonderful and really helped me to feel refreshed and ready to go again. I care for my husband. It was the first time I ever left him and I felt so guilty. But he was so happy to get back to our home and he has a better outlook too. Not too different, but just a little more appreciative of me being here for him!
I am so grateful to the VA and happy to be back!

Hey Kroger...it's hard enough taking care of a parent 24/7 that's abusive...it must be even harder if you are working for someone who is abusive!! Hope you find another job soooooooon!!

Hello I feel like that alot I used to live out of state And i would like to move back there Will i felt comfortable And to me distance is better And i m a caregvier to lady with dementia And her daughter is very good to help her and check up on her But she always acts like I'm not doing my job When i took this postion I move in with my sister motherlaw Had no where else to live But if i knew what i new now I thought i would be able to work doing the day But i haven't found a job And lady health has been up an down Her memory is decling physical health is good So this has turn into 24 7 live in And i just want to run away And have a job and my own place

No, you are certainly not alone. It sounds like you are getting exercise in which a lot of care givers can't do so count yourself very lucky indeed. I think that's so important to all of our health and sometimes it's just not doable. Sounds like you need more help than once a month but it's a start and maybe he will see that you are needing more than once a month. Sometimes people don't see that it's all that bad when they are just around for an hour or two then they get to go on with their lives. But when they have a full day of it they see things in a different light. Hope he does. I know my sister wasn't able to help that much but when she did it sure was appreciated. Now my husband helps out since he just retired and I appreciate so much. I took care of his parents while he traveled so now he can help me with my mom and dad. Unfortunately I lost my sister 2 years ago this month so I'm by myself on this but it is what it is. Keep up with your exercising. It's really important for your sanity! Good Luck and God Bless...

Thanks for letting me know I;m not alone. I can't believe how this illness has taken over my life. I had to give up my career because my new supervisor didn't want to work with me having to care for my husband; but now I feel like a hostage in my own life because he wants me at home all the time. I manage to attend church each Sunday, sometimes Zumba and I sqeeze in 30 min work out on Tuesday and
Thursday mornings when I take an aunt to dialysis but this is driving me crazy and I just feel like driving away and never returning. I have reached out to my stepson for help for one day a month to get away for a while nd I hope this will help.
Sorry for going on and on but feeling full right now.

Dear Lamstrong you need the Lord and His help. Nor human can solve your problems. Begin praying and asking Him for wisdom and help. You have already lost too many family members.

Yes it is normal I think of it practically 2 a week it will get better but the only way is to find respite care and take a week off!

Each of you have validated my feelings, which are just like Iamstrong's and all of yours. Thank you so much.

So sorry for the loss of your brother and aunt, see how strong you really are. And yes running away are normal thoughts so don't think you are alone in this crazy state of depression. I have run away took my top draw and ran. Once I got to a destination all I had was bra's and underwear. That was ok I had 2 days of self pity and 2 days to cry my eyes out. I didn't help much cause reality set in as soon as I got home. I love how everyone always says put them in a home "I COULD NEVER DO THAT!" Not after all the horror stories you hear, I love them to much! And if you make to much money or have to much money or don't have Medicaid you have to pay out the butt for help. My parents still have their mind and do not like strangers in their house, (you just can't trust anyone!) so I don't blame them for that. I trust no one, so that leaves us, exhausted, tired, and withdrawn from the world. The best we can do is be there for each other and pray we all hang in there. We feel guilty, we too are in pain, and we also feel shame for some of our thoughts. But remember we are human and we complain! This is a great site to spill your guts so hope to see you here again, and nest time you feel the need to run away come here and drowned your sorrows there are so many people that are going through exactly what you are going through and know exactly what you are feeling. Sometimes just typing it out makes you feel better. Hope your having a better day and I will be thinking about you today because I too am feeling just like you.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your aunt and brother. It's perfectly normal to want to run away, you are overwhelmed and probably still grieving. If you are able to find a group of people called Compassionate Friends in your area, they will be able to help you get through the pain of your loss. If you are able to find respite care for your mother, that would give you some much needed time for yourself. Have you considered placing your mother in a good facility where she will be safe? You're probably worried about her falling, that would alleviate the added stress. Please take good care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

Hello Iamstrong. Im very sorry to read of Your dreadful loss of Both Members in Your Family. Well of all the correspondence letters to You, JudeAH53 s letter is the letter which I thought was best. Remember if We all decided to have Our love ones admitted to a Care-Home, because the going got tough..all the care facilities in the World would be full to capistdy. We care for Our Mother's because We adore Them. When We were Babies, and Our Mother's found it tough, They did NOT hand Us back. Yes Iamstrong You do kneed help because none of Us can do it all on Our own. You must look after Your own well being too. Keep well, and God Bless You, and All Caregivers.

Honey if you didn't want to run away, I would wonder why? I am sure there is not a one of us who doesn't think about it at lease a half a dozen times a day. You are doing the best you can for her but you have to do the best you can for yourself. Will keep you in my prayers. My mom is 87 lives with my husband and I she has alzheimer's.

Hope all the answers to your query bring you some comfort and to know you shouldn't feel guilty whatsoever for wanting to escape. Helps to keep us sane, despite the tough existence of caregivers of family members. Seek out any assistance that might be available to you to give yourself at least an hour or two of reprieve. Make sure you take care of yourself. Wish you well.

You all talk about parents being in a home but its not that easy. Not everyone has the money and is not easy getting Medicaid to pay.

I want to run away from home more now than I ever did as a kid . Maybe you can find a neighbor or someone who can sit with your mom for an hour so you don't have to feel so rushed when you get out . I think for me that has been the hardest I don't have kids and am single so I use to work go to the gym or go out to lunch with my sisters or even just go sit at the park --But that doesn't happen anymore .But I am going to take my own advice and find a baby-sitter for mom even if its for only an hour every week .

My stepfather took his life in 2013 and it became obvious that my searching for someplace near me was urgent. He refused to move and so took his miserable life. He was in bad shape too. I put mom in a limited assistance retirement home. She refuses to make friends and after 2 years, can't remember them when she does. It's awful at times, the whining about being in "PRISON", has no one but her dog, and on and on. Had to get a locked medicine dispenser to keep her from taking her night meds in the morning! My plan now is when she stops taking her meds I'm looking for a NH. She takes them out of the machine and then decides she doesn't need all these meds and so doesn't take ANY!
If she doesn't take her anti-anxiety meds I can't stand to be around her!! She gets crazy. the problem right now is I had to add an iron pill, and it is a foreign pill in her box. The second dose, she put on top of her machine and like I expected, didn't take any of them. I happened to call in time for her to take them and still be able to take the night meds when they are despensed. It's a yelling contest at times. We both get frustrated. Yes! I want to run away. Doing it alone except for my husbands support. God bless you.

Yes Yes and YES it's NORMAL to want to run away. Some kids care for their parents and do so with incredible sacrifices. Others choose to walk away and when their parents are gone, live the rest of their lives in guilt. So either way, there''s a price to pay. I'm banking on paying now so I can live the rest of my life without a ton of guilt. My mom has been with us for almost 12 years and sometimes I feel like there's nothing left in my life to look forward to. Caregiving is tough. It's often not a choice but a necessity because there's no one else.
You need to take care of yourself. You've been through a lot and have remained strong. Do you what you must to get through this but don't ever give up. Caregiving is not forever. If no one is there to help you, there are many of us online to support you and let you know you're not alone. Though I don't comment often on this website, I check it frequently and it's helps to know others are dealing with the same difficulties. It's the hardest job we'll ever had. Condolences on your brother and aunt and try to look beyond the immediacy of the situation.

I glanced at this question and chuckled to myself. The short answer is, "yes---every day"!

Dear iamstrong, The answer is HECK YEAH, it's normal to want to run away! In my case, I chose to take care of my mom rather than place her in a nursing home. I have thought about running away on occasion, although I would never do it. However, just recently the green monster of jealousy took a hold of me when my oldest brother called and said he was going to Florida for vacation. Last time my husband and I went to Florida almost a year ago we ended up having to come home after only 3 days because my mother got real confused due to a UTI. My closest brother came and took her to the ER, but he lives an hour and 45 minutes away so he couldn't stay. Anyway, we have a time share with our "free" week at the end of April. After moving my mother in with us 5 months ago, I am just SO ready to take a week's vacation just to get away long enough so I can recharge my batteries again. Although it would mean we'd have to put her in a nursing home for respite care while we're away, we still might go. However, if something happened then I know we would have to turn around and come home early again, plus my mom would have to pay out of pocket for it. Right now I do have respite care at least a few hours a week or I think I would absolutely go bonkers being stuck here all of the time! I know how that is too, as the first couple of months I had no one around to help by giving me a break other than my husband, and that was just long enough to go the grocery store! Anyway, no one can tell you when it's time for you to put your mother in a facility. I trust that you will know when the time comes, especially since you already said you have no life and you are so tired! Perhaps you could look into getting some kind of respite care? Call your local Area Office on Aging and see if they have any programs that can help you. I know in our case they had a program available to provide respite care to family members for so many hours a week at a discounted price based on my mom's income. So you might want to check into that just so that you can get a little break from time to time. You deserve it!

Yes after nine years i have been wanting to run away for 7 of them...everyday....

I feel like running away almost every day. I feel like a caged animal. After a morning of dealing with my Mother paranoia and my sister screaming at me, I feel drained. There are bills to be paid, laundry, cooking, cleaning, endless...My husband took my mother to a wonderful facility in KC to check out and now she is just being more paranoid. She sets around and makes up crazy things in her head and I can hardly take another minute. My husband is going to MAKE her go there in Sep. I understand about the caregiver dying before the patient. After my fall a couple weeks ago, I just can't get to feeling better. I know it is stress. I am totally overwhelmed. I am again in a FOG. My mother says she hates the caregiver I hired after looking 2 years. Again, it is the guilt of not wanting her to be upset with me. God, when am I going to grow up and be strong.

I love the replies here, and those fantasy run away trips. Even without parent problems I think we all do that.
I know my sister when the parents were not coping, but became demanding. Then refused any help/care provided saying they wanted their independence, but would phone her that very afternoon. Got to the stage of leaving in reality and gave a years notice that she was shifting far far away.
But Pa died and Ma with 6mths of much hell and confusion for all, is now safely in a dementia rest home. and everyone can enjoy what life is about.
It is not wrong, or failing, or being selfish to need the help of a rest home........ its how coping for everyone is about.
I am heading towards the old age status myself, but am coming to realise that when one falls, has absolutely no injury but a bruise and ego squash. BUT cannot get up, then that is a signal they are no longer independent and need care.
For a good 10yrs prior to my Pa's death, he was for ever calling the ambulance, or getting my Ma to call when ever he fell over. In hindsight, that was a signal they should have been assessed for a rest home village situation.
Therefore if you mother falls, she needs to be told, that if she cannot get her self up again, then she needs 24/7 professional help.
AND you can go for your run away dream ride

Some ways I's taken a mind vacation:
==Listening to music or nature sounds [Youtube has lots to choose from--some go for 8 hours or more].
==Meditating/praying/listening for that still small voice
==Hang a just-the-right-toned wind-chime outside a window or door, so you can hear it sometimes--it's a tiny thing, but can interrupts a stress episode a bit.
==Lay on a towel or blanket in the garden for about 30 minutes or so, or walking barefoot in the garden, getting earth-contact [it's called 'grounding'].
==Have a cup of favorite tea, and maybe reading a book.
==Hide in plain sight: we lived in a tiny house, so I'd go into the front porch room, and just be there quietly--Mom didn't usually think to look there for me, because it was mostly used for storage. At one point I put a walking machine there, and used that a bit-at-a-time, and headphones with music, book or seminar; other times there was a chair to sit and read a little while; the room had lots of windows, so lots of daylight to lift mood.
==Being mindful of everything around me that was good.
==Being grateful for everything, large or small.
==Using a supplement called "5-HTP" to help balance moods, making it easier to handle stress. It helps balance neurotransmitters; only needs about 100 mg per day to do it, and it's cheap....but if you are taking anti-depressants, talk with your Doc before using it, as it helps raise serotonin levels, too.
==Have a spa day, get a massage, soak in a hot tub, or find a sauna--do this at least once a month, if you can, or at least occasionally. Students might charge less, or do a massage for free as part of their necessary practice hours for training.
==Spend a bit of time at the public library, or with a group you volunteer with.
==Reach out to talk with groups like this one, online-
-it's very good, and helpful, to know you are Not Alone! We've all had experiences, and can share how we handled them. You can get some great information and morale support here.

Very good advice here--I agree.
It's a harsh situation you are in for so long!
You have gone through so much!
It shows you ARE strong--firmly understand that!
But even the strongest heroes, need respite, need rest from their hardships.

I often felt like running away--in fact, I sorta did, but, it was more like hiding from her while still in the house, just to take a mental escape--it was not enough.
After 6 years, it got so bad, the small breaks created by dropping her off to do her shopping [which should have been supervised!], were not enough for me to re-set my senses from her terroristic behaviors.
It was too much.

Anyone carrying that level of stress so long, would feel messed up by it.
PLEASE work with social services, to get your mom into a care facility,
or at least have care-workers come to the house, to give you respite..

If you chose having a care worker come to the house, make sure Mom's legal paperwork is set up so that no one can change it---that has sometimes happened [a few home-care workers, or sometimes relatives, have tried, or done, a take-over their person's money and property, by taking them to a new lawyer and making new wills, POA's, etc.--this can be avoided, but it requires some legal help and documents].

You can still be part of her care-team, if you want, even if she's in a care-facility, but at least you would be able to start living life, get some respite, some healing for yourself, and find your genuine self again.
Please keep us posted how you are doing!

It's my husband I'm running away from - daily - although I know he cannot be left alone at night. He's 8 years older than I and is losing mobility, which isn't quite gone yet; he's also got mild cognitive impairment - just enough to sufficiently magnify his ego-centrism and negative personality traits so that the last thing I want or need to do is be constantly at his side. Dunno how I'm gonna handle it if/when things progress to the point where he can't be left alone at all; but right now I plan errands and such so that I get out for at least a coupla hours almost every afternoon, in addition to the 1-2 hours I regularly devote to the gym early each morning. And that's what's keepin' me sane...

Even doing everything and singing while you are doing it doesn't keep caregiver burnout away. I do daydream about being somewhere else, but other than caring for my not so nice to me mom, I have a husband on dialysis. Whole thing isn't easy, but I love them both. I do try and sit outside for a few minutes to refresh me. Life is tough.

oh my...just the fact that so many of your loved ones took their lives is unbelievable. I know I can't afford to put my parents in a convales home because it would cost $7000 a mo. each!! Thank god my brother takes care of them twice a week or I would be in a mental institution...for sure!! It's extremely mentally and physically demanding to care for elderly parents if they sick and can't take care of themselves. Is there a caregivers group where you can get this off your chest and hear aaaaallll the similar stories? My heart breaks for you...wish there was something I could say to help!!

You are not alone. I'm a caregiver to my 94 year old mother and 100 year old father.......and yes......I take care of 2 elderly parents. I moved back home into there house that they've owned for almost 60 years and its a full time job. I had to quite my job, quite school and not go to the gym as much as i used to. I have extreme anxiety and want to run away on a daily basis. I live near a park that also has a zoo so I go on many walk, even in a snow storm just to get out. I always feel alive after getting out of the house. Hang in there and so sorry for your loss.

You are not alone. I'm a caregiver to my 94 year old mother and 100 year old father.......and yes......I take care of 2 elderly parents. I moved back home into there house that they've owned for almost 60 years and its a full time job. I had to quite my job, quite school and not go to the gym as much as i used to. I have extreme anxiety and want to run away on a daily basis. I live near a park that also has a zoo so I go on many walk, even in a snow storm just to get out. I always feel alive after getting out of the house. Hang in there and so sorry for your loss.