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My brother helped a lil but he killed himself. My aunt was my outlet and support she killed herself. My dad who I also took care of just died he was one that help keep mom under control she listened better to him. I have no life if I go to store I put her to bed she calls because she got up and fell so gotta run back home. I'm so tired!!

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Iamstrong , yes it's normal to want to run away and you ARE strong. Stay strong and work with social services to get your mom placed in a home so that you and she can get on with life. You have been through far more than anyone should have to go through. It's time for you to take care of yourself. Let go of any guilt that you may feel for placing your mom in care. It's best for both of you. Your Area Agency on Aging may be able to help if you want to start. there. Please let us know how you are doing.
Carol
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The short answer to your question is YES IT'S NORMAL to wanna run away at times, so comfort yourself with your normal thoughts. Then do your best to remove the emotion that haunts you when you think of placing your mom in a care facility. From the information you shared it is clear that it's time. Don't kid yourself Iamstrong, it will not get any better until you make changes for both you and your mom to survive. Somewhere in your logic you know this - it's that emotion that likely holds you back. Caregiving burnout is REAL... it is threatening.... it will win if you don't take control. This isn't about how much you love your mom - don't measure the love, it's immeasurable. Strong doesn't mean killing yourself, it means you make tough decisions that will allow everyone a healthier life, including YOU!
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Not only is it normal, my running away FANTASY serves as a positive outlet and keeps me from going there in reality!!! find that I escape in bvarious ways and now that I OWN this as a positive way of coping, I go places in my head or even online that I would love to visit; France, Denmark, Bora Bora ect, If I'm cooking I just visualize myself in my car backing out of the driveway with no intention what so ever of returning. Sometimes in emergency situations if my mom and I are in the car and she has asked for the TENTH time is the a/c on I refuse to answer and flip the radio to the Classical station preset for such times. We need positive escape valves; but NOTHING beats planned escapes . Even something simple and cost free like this one; I have taken mom to church with no intention of remaining myself. I ask the ushers and her seat mate to just keep an eye out for movement then... I meander about until service is over and wow I'm refreshed! I do pray this helps
Andrea
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It is so unfortunate your brother and aunt chose to kill themselves rather than seek professional help in dealing with their depression. My condolences for all your losses and yes, I feel like running away about 50 times a day, but I just dream that for a few moments and then come back to reality. You do need some help and because you did not give us any information about how old your mother is, what challenges she has, or you, please let us know more so we can help. Best wishes!
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Don't know all the details of your situation but your mom should be in a care facility where she'll get 24/7 care and supervision. You've had more than your share of tragedy. You and mom will both be much better off if you can get her in care.
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I feel like running away every single day...and not telling ANYONE where I am !!! But, I know that's not quite the solution, but just to say it is...when I feel like running away, I do in my mind...I try to find a place where there's no phones, no bills/papers to look at, no errands to run, no voices of my parents wanting/needing something...no responsibility of any kind. I try to remember 'way back when' all I had to do was go mindlessly shopping, you know, the bumming around kind - that 'escape' kind of shopping...BUT reality is not that anymore. It is the responsibility, endless work of some kind...I try to explain to my husband but he is an OTR truck driver and he is detached from the whole situation and doesn't really understand. He says he does, but there is no way possible he can !!! Because when he is home, then obviously he wants to be 'first', and everyone 'second'...hard to deal with and when I try to explain he gets somewhat more flexible but still wants that 'first'...do many demands on me so then I want to run !!! I have set parameters for my parents, and I do try to set aside 'a do nothing time' for me...it sort of works, but in the back of my mind I know it is always hanging over my head that I have this ginormous amount of responsibility of family...I will eventually be able to get professional arrangements for my parents when the time is right, and it is almost right now...so, i just have to try and deal with things as best as I can for now. But at least I know my time is coming soon...this website provides alot of therapy for me so I don't feel so alone; I am not the only one who has this heavy load on my shoulders and I can feel a great deal of relief after I am on here. Thank you to all. Prayers out to everyone and the strength to persevere... have a nice day !!! :)
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Dear Ande1122 I absolutely adored your answer...this is exactly what I do at least once a day! I dream about packing an overnight bag, grabbing my passport and heading to the airport to catch a plane to nowhere. I often lay in bed early in the morning and dream that I am waking up somewhere else. Sooo glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. Thanks a million!
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Lamstrong, most of us didn't choose to be caregivers, it fell on us (like a ton of bricks). And ALL of us who were loaded down with the job we didn't want, want to run away! You would not be normal if you didn't want to flee. Yes, its time for your mother to go into a facility. I loved my mom, but it was time, I had no life. What I found is there are wonderful places. My mom didn't want to go, but she thrived once she was in. It was far better care for her and my life got 100% better. Start checking out assisted living places, many are terrific! I'm sorry for your losses, honey! Hang in there and listen to the advice the others give you here. There are bright, sunny, happy days heading your way, it's just hard to see when you're in the cloud. If you have more questions, just ask us here, we will help guide you...
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If care is not a solution to you and I know to some it isn't then take heart. I do one to one care and I am the sole carer and I know exactly what you mean about wanting to run away. Is there anyone ANYONE AT ALL that could come and sit with her for two hours just so you can get some me time. Perhaps the local church has someone who would volunteer. Perhaps there is a day centre that you might be able to take her to - even if you have to stay with her at least you can share some of your issues with like minded people and perhaps get together to share some of the care - two people could look after 3 for a day to give the third a day off. Its not quite like our babysitting coops but similar so that for every two days you share caring with another you get one day back. This site might help you:
greenamerica/livinggreen/carecoop
Obviously you have to conduct all the usual checks but it might be a way for you to get some much needed time for yourself xxxxxx bless you - remember without your health your mum has noone so it is vital you take care of yourself
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I am sorry for your situation.By the time you figure out what you will need to do to take care of yourself things will start getting better, you will see. I agree, your mom needs to be in in a home for both your sakes. I am sorry about you brother and your Aunt, suicide is not a solution. I hope you realize that. Take care of yourself.
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