My mother-in-law has been having bowel movements either in the shower or on the porch. She’s tried to clean them up the best she can, but it is still obvious what’s going on. She has admitted to having digestive issues in the past, but when you ask her about it now she clams up and says she has no issues. My question is, is this normal? Is this something we should confront or discuss with a doctor? Is this something that precedes decisions on being able to live on her own?
Your MIL is probably embarrassed when asked about this which is why she clams up and won't talk about it. I wouldn't confront her because trying to manage this herself demonstrates her embarrassment. And who wouldn't be embarrassed?
Is she on medication that could cause this? Does she not feel the urge until it's too late? Is she eating or drinking something that disagrees with her? How long has this been going on? If it's a relatively new behavior I'd get her checked out by her doctor.
This would be something to consider when deciding if she can live on her own but it's not the straw that breaks the camel's back. There are numerous things that go into a decision that will allow her to live on her own and while incontinence is one of those things there are other things to consider first.