Is it normal for someone with dementia to make up memories?

I have an entire folder on my computer called "Stories About Dan," and it contains emails I sent to myself chronicling the adventures of my mother's imaginary husband. He was a real person -- her first boyfriend when she was 15 -- but she hadn't seen him since 1944 and he'd been dead for 10 years when she conjured his visits up out of thin air.

He magically appeared as her new husband a few weeks after my dad died, and for the next 2 1/2 years we were regaled with tales of his heroism. He worked for NASA and was on the roof of the nursing home dismantling a satellite that had crashed there, he was a telephone lineman, and he was a private pilot for the Kennedys and flew the whole family to Hyannis Port for the funeral of a Kennedy grandchild (someone was always dying in that family dontcha know), and Dan not only flew the plane with one hand, he held the dying infant in his other as it expired. (It had been born with only half a head, you know.)

These tales went on and on, and she even convinced a visitor that she had indeed remarried to the extent that said visitor trotted off to the Rotary Club newsletter editor, shared the news, and it was published in their monthly newsletter!

That was a fire I never expected to have to put out!

If you never want to do this to your children, I suggest at the first major medical crisis in your life, you decline major medical treatment and let Nature take its course.

That's how things went in this country as recently as the 1940s -- Crisis --> decline over the course of months, not years --> death. Now we have far too much medical intervention that allows us to live long enough for our brains to fail before our bodies, and I'm not sure that's a good idea.

It’s normal around here. My mother’s broken brain has even made some of my life events her own. Most are harmless, some are hilarious. The only dangerous “memory” occurred the September she chewed me out daily because our pool heater broke. Parts were scarce - we’d deal with it in the spring. She claimed to be a lifelong swimmer and raged that she couldn’t swim her daily lengths. The reality is she hates and fears water, and cannot swim at all. We closed the pool early for her safety.

"Confabulation" is the stories the elders with dementia make up for God knows what reason, except that their brains are riddled with holes and no longer work properly. Yeah, they ARE 'making up stories' so you can call it whatever you like.........but they're invented stories that they believe, a/k/a confabulation. In fact, here is the definition:

Confabulation is a symptom of various memory disorders in which made-up stories fill in any gaps in memory.

My mother, when her dementia was advanced, started telling me these fantastic stories of how her 'girls' (at the Memory Care ALF) would take her and all of her belongings to a new & lovely hotel every night, but before hand, they'd take her to a fancy restaurant for a huge feast, and then to a club for some wonderful entertainment, then off to the fancy new hotel for the night. She'd say how exhausted she was from 'all that running around' when in reality, she'd never left the Memory Care campus.

When her Sundowning got bad and her false memories weren't so great, I got the PA to write her a script for Ativan .25 mgs which helped her A LOT, especially with the anxiety component. When hospice came on board, they increased the dose to .5 as needed, and she did quite well, all things considered. If you are going to take care of mom at home, get her PCP involved to write prescriptions as needed to help her AND you through this transition which can be very difficult. I don't think you're wrong to ask questions, or that your mom is 'wrong' to be acting as she is; it's just part & parcel of dementia which is a very difficult disease to manage for you, and for her to live through. #Truth. IMO, it's a lose-lose for all concerned; we lose ourselves in the caregiving role, and our mother's lose THEMSELVES to the dreadful disease they're afflicted with. I hate dementia with every ounce of my being.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2


Best of luck to you & your mom.

I do not think she is intentionally "making up memories"
What may be happening is she sees something and it gets filed in her brain.
With the screwed up filing system of dementia that visual "memory" may seem like a "real memory".
My thought on this is do not let it stress you or do not argue with her. An argument with someone with dementia is an argument that you will never "win". It will do noting but upset her and you.
So...go with the flow.
laugh
redirect
or if you want to see where this goes..ask her more questions. Sometimes there may be a nugget of fact mixed with the "memory salad".

Without a doubt.

My mom was always making up the most amazing, fabulous stories. I would look at her and just go 'whaaaaat'?

She was watching an ancient re-run of Bonanza and said, matter of factly--"Oh, did you know Dick (her brother who has been deceased for 5 years) had Michael Landon over to the house for a BBQ and a swim?" (Ok, yes, my uncle DID know Michael Landon, he was in the entertainment industry)...but since both men have been gone for some time--obviously this was a HUGE story. Mom was adamant that it had happened 'last week'. And said that they were just the dearest of friends. Well, this may or may not have been true in the 60's but was not likely a current event. I couldn't talk her out of it, so I just rolled with it.

All her stories had her coming out the 'belle of the ball' kind of thing. I know she doesn't mean it and where in her brain these stories are percolating...

I don't think it's unusual and I don't think there's anything to do to change it. Just roll with it. Mom was far more fun to talk to when she was 'in a mood' than normally.

I wonder what I will be like when I am more 'crazy' than I am now. And if my kids will be talking about ME on a board like this?

My mother thought she was going to marry Elvis. She bought the ring and would sit looking out the front window waiting for him. She sat in her special wheelchair pleating with her fingers whatever she could - a napkin, an afghan, the bottom of her jacket. It made her happy to have the memories of her courtship with him, even though it never happened. Died age 95, cause listed as dementia.

somehow this posted 2 times. Can't leave this blank so....to lighten up the day...
Hope everyone set their scale back 10 pounds this weekend.

TV and dreams become part of their reality. They can't tell the difference. Mom one time asked me if she had done this one thing. I said no, she said "must have dreamt it". Another time she told me the doctor wanted to talk to me. The Dr. was Dick VanDyke in diagnosis Murder. At the time I told her that was the TV and she seemed to realize it was.

Its all part of the brain dying.

I'm with you. I would never behave with my Kids the way/treat people the way she does, complain as she does. My Mom will be 80 in March. She makes up "memories" all the day long. I just tune out. I barely knew anyone her side of the family. She says she went to Loyola University in Chicago. Nope. She had my Sister at 18 & me at 20 and had moved to CA before I was born.

Your Mom is 96?!!! The thought of my Mom hanging on this long terrifies me. She is mean/nasty/arrogant/critical... Be good to yourself as best you can... How is your Mom's health? Do you have anyone else who pops around to visit-take a load off? You live with her? She has part time Caregivers? My Mom lives alone. I go up 2-3 times per month..

Yes it is normal. I would just let it go. there is medication for the anxiety, lorazepam, and I think what you’re describing is what we called sundowners where they get worse towards evening and winter time.

My Mrs. was very similar. Caution-the lorazepam can knock her out. we cut it up in quarters as best we could so as to calm her down versus knock out.
If you get a caregiver, get nanny cams for the protection of your valuables, sentimental or otherwise, actually just lock them all up, and the protection of her and to make sure they’re doing their job.
I had one caregiver everybody liked and I fired her and they asked why. I showed them the nanny cam tape where she was acting arrogant and rude and actually kicked the misses and gave her a bruise. Another caregiver wrote in the log that she got up all night and did her job but I checked the cam and she hadn’t done anything.
Also, Hide the medication or someone will give it to her to knock her out so they don’t have to deal with her.
You really need to look into all the caregiving stuff and get educated.
get help - sounds like you can see down the road that burn out is in your future if you don’t otherwise. Good luck and God bless you because you are her angel.😇