I have 1 brother age 40, single, no kids, lives 5 minutes away from my parents. He goes to there house once every couple months and calls my dad once ever 2 weeks. I help my dad keep my mom twice a week, my husband does all kinds of things around my parent's house. My dad comes over and watches football with us because I ask him to. My brother didn’t come to our family Thanksgiving because he went to his girlfriends (that was a first). My brother and I get along but we don’t talk much. It blows my mind how he has forgotten our parents. My brother knows my moms condition and even if being here bothers him why doesn’t he at least help my dad or do something with my dad while I have mom. We have always been a close family. My brother and I have been blessed with great loving parents. It’s come to a point where I had to call hospice to come in for my mom.Dad and I can’t move her, she’s stopped eating etc. She has suffered 10 years with Alzheimer’s. I asked dad should we call My brother and dad said no he’s to busy. I’m mad and hurt at the way he has done my parents but it’s not about me. Is it my responsibility to tell my brother hey look moms in hospice you need to do something before you regret it. He’s all about his girlfriend. 🤷🏻♀️
Call your brother. Tell him Mom has declined to the point of needing hospice. I would tell him she doesn't have much time if he wants to say goodbye. (My Mom passed about 2 weeks after she stopped eating and drinking) Then you have done your part and can never say "I wish I had told him".
I also want to say that you have been a good daughter. Never feel you didn't do enough.
I am sorry that you and your family are going through this horrible situation.
Hugs!!
You seem to have a lot of resentment over your brother having a girlfriend (after all of these years of being single) and thus missing the family Thanksgiving. Maybe he was with her at her parents?
Once you've let him know, it's out of your hands and is his decision on how he handles it. Everyone handles things differently and I have learned to respect that. For some, being part of the dying process is too painful. Others want to be present. Never an easy decision either way.
My hope for you is strength and peace through this.
Your dad is acknowledging that he knows he has things going on and things to do.
Bro is doing what he can and is able to do, as are you. Leave it at that, you cannot change others behaviors, you can only change your reaction.
I think that you need to search your heart, would you regret not telling him?
I think that you should tell him. It is difficult when the journey has been going on for a decade, you can't just give up everything to be there, yes he could be more present, but he obviously isn't even settled in his life.
Such a difficult time, Hugs!