Is it illegal for a home healthcare worker to take extravagant gifts?

Hwhitaker, you asked what agency you could contact. You've been told APS would be an appropriate choice. Have you contacted APS? If so, are they investigating?

This is one of three posts you've made on the subject. But in none of them do you describe what your BIL wants. Is he begging you to get him out of this mess? Is he telling you to mind your own business? Is he mentally competent?

If this exploitation has been going on 20 years, why is it just coming to your notice now? What kind of a relationship have you and your wife had with this man throughout his handicapped life? What kind of care have you been providing? Is there additional family? If so, what has their involvement been?

You say BIL is "living in an old trailer because he can't afford better for himself." Nonsense. He very obviously can afford pretty much whatever he wants. So if he is living in inadequate housing there must be another reason. Is the "old trailer" a luxury modular home that has been set up to meet his specialized needs? Has he asked you to help him find a better place? Have you offered?

If you managed to get his wife deported and repossess all of the gifts, how would BIL's life be improved? Presumably he'd have more money at his disposal. And that would be an improvement because ... ??

Deciding how to spend his wealth is one thing BIL can do independently. And yet that is one thing you wish to deprive him of. So, again, I ask what BIL's attitude is toward all this?

Referring to BIL's wife as a "home healthcare worker" in your title is very misleading. What is your real purpose in posting here?

Hwhitaker - one thing you didn’t mention... How does your BIL feel about all of this?


Also, is BIL receiving quality care? Are his dietary needs being met? Is he bathed and monitored for bed sores? Is his home kept clean? Is the wife transporting him to doctor appointments?


How old is your BIL and what are the expectations for his continuing quality of life? Does it look like the wife is committed to staying for the long haul? After all, she has been there for twenty years - so far - and gifts aside, caring for a quadriplegic is no easy thing - assuming there is quality care being provided.


You say say she’s been there for twenty years, but at what point did they marry? If it’s been a while I doubt agencies such as INS would have much interest in this being a fraudulent marriage- not to mention she now has four children born in the U.S. which would keep their mother in the country.


Are you or your wife able to talk to this woman? One thing she should be made aware of is - considering the exorbitant gifting if/when the money runs out BIL will likely be denied Medicaid for quite a while and that she - the wife - will be responsible for his care.

Hwhitaker, curious who is telling you about all these gifts of vehicles and that the brother-in-law is paying all of the bills? Why I asked was because the cost of the Cadillac Escalade was grossly exaggerated. And if he bought his "wife" a new house, why isn't he living in that house?

Just trying to putting the pieces of this puzzle together but it's not fitting.

My co-worker who is Canadian and married an American husband and has been here over 20yrs recently went under investigation because homeland security was questioning the validity of her marriage...ie: was she manipulating the marriage to live in the states... If this woman is using him to live in the states would the marriage be valid??

Unethical, yes. Illegal, No.

Why should the marriage be fraudulent? - or, more to the point, invalid? It cannot have taken place without your BIL's free consent. And if he wishes to end it, goodness knows he has grounds for divorce. Why isn't this just up to him?

Which leads to Snoopy's questions: is there anything preventing your BIL from exercising his rights? Can he communicate fully? - and if so, is he in regular contact with people besides his wife and her niece? (And, if not, how do you come to be so well informed about how his money is being spent?)

In any case there is nothing to prevent your wife from seeking advice from the usual agencies responsible for the protection of vulnerable adults. If she has genuine concerns about her brother's welfare, she should contact APS and take it from there.

If, on the other hand, her concerns are primarily about his money's welfare and his spending it freely on what she - she would not be alone in this - considers to be entirely unworthy causes, that's a bit different. Very natural, but not of interest to the authorities I shouldn't have thought.

I'm sorry, Hwhitaker, how terribly tragic for your brother and your entire family. Does your brother have any cognitive issues -- does he have any sense that this is going on and if so, how does he feel about it? I wonder if calling APS regarding a vulnerable elder might be of any help. However, I do think that after all this time, the authorities will probably regard her as simply as his wife not as his former home healthcare worker. They may not be too interested in that part of the story at this point.

I hope APS might have some feedback for you about how it looks to them.

My brother-in-law, my wife's brother, was shot while working at a job. He was shot in the neck and paralyzed from the neck down. The company that he was working for was found negligent and he won a very large settlement. I know that it sounds hard to believe, but yes he really does have that much money. He should be able to take very good care of himself, but these ladies are taking full advantage of him and taking all of his money. Yes, he is legally married to the lady, but the marriage should be fraudulent. She just married him to get her citizenship and his money. She doesn't even live with him.

Bumping for content details to duplicate post.

Hwhitaker, sounds like your brother will be filing bankruptcy soon.

I’m sorry to be noisy but...


Your talking over $400,000. in six brand new SUV’s and trucks, plus two houses - plus the credit cards. That’s about a cool $1.0 million dollars... and your quad brother is living in a mobile home?


May I ask where the money is coming from. I ask for two reasons: 1. Your story is very difficult to believe. 2. If in fact your brother has significant financial resources at his disposal- if we could believe your story is on the level - knowing his accurate financial situation would certainly make it easier to provide actionable solutions.


I apologize if I’m out of line here - but, seriously?

Errr....

Well. Whatever you think of their unusual domestic arrangement, this home healthcare worker is in fact your brother's wife.

As far as I am aware, there is no jurisdiction in which it is illegal for a man to give his wife extravagant gifts. Though on a personal note I might add with some asperity that you could've fooled me...

To return.

This is your brother or your brother in law? If the latter, your sister's husband, or your wife's brother?

And what has his family been doing in terms of providing care for him over the last twenty years?

And looking at some details in the history - two houses while he lives in a slum trailer, all those vehicles, four children born to his wife not his own - if you were reading a post like that written by somebody else would you find it entirely credible?

Is she a citizen now? Does your brother know about all of her activity?? 20 years is a long time for her to be in his life.. Was it not obvious before?