Is it healthy for my 92 year old mother to live alone with a severe short-term memory deficit?

MWR1985,

I can only speak from my own experience!

After my Uncle passed, my Aunt (Alzheimer's) was unable to live alone. I witnessed her burning a rice bag in the microwave. She set the time for 20 mins instead of 2 mins. She also had the toaster on the highest setting and it caught on fire.

I was terrified of moving her into ALF!! And more terrified of leaving her alone!!

I will tell you that for my Aunt, ALF has been a Godsend!!

She is out socializing all day. They keep her busy! She is engaged and active!

I think in her case, if I had left her in her home, alone and isolated, she would have passed away by now.

It's a difficult situation!

Wishing you the best!!

Imho, there no doubt comes a time when an elder can NO LONGER live alone. My late mother was adamant about living alone. She started fires in her microwave, but never told me. And no doubt the elder will NOT speak up about these issues because they don't want to lose their independence. Prayers sent.

Unless someone spends significant time with an elderly person you really don’t know what goes on. My mother puts on such a show when people come over, it’s like a totally different person. When company comes over she can keep up the “show” for hours. When they leave she falls apart and the rest of that day and all of the next she is almost comatose. It totally wears her out. Before I moved in as her caregiver, she had fires on the stove, in the oven and sparks flying everywhere in the microwave. Opened the doors for every stranger who knocked. Answered telephone calls from strangers and talked with them like family. Would forget medications. Just beware, my mother became the best storyteller and lies like a rug. Very convincing. Good luck with your journey. I wish you peace with your decision.

An assisted living facility is a good choice for her if you are concern of her being alone. If she chooses to live independently, then she would benefit from constant nurse visits due to memory issues, she may get medication reminders, perhaps some light meal preps to prevent food from burning on the stove in case she forgets, and conversations.
The visits may occur a few times a day. It sounds like she may also feel lonely.

We tried to allow my FIL with dementia to live alone as long as possible. We unplugged the oven, and provided all his meals (so he could heat in the microwave and eat). We got him a smart thermostat so we could set it remotely, as he was always setting it way too high. Neighbors all knew his situation and offered to keep an eye out. Also got him a phone with GPS and only 3 buttons - his children and 911.

That allowed him to live a long time on his own. But the turning point was when he quit eating the meals we provided and slept all day. He was very frail when he moved here but is doing much better physically with a better diet.

We moved him here slowly, first a few days/week, then added days and finally told him we wanted him here permanently. I didn’t make it about his dementia, but that he was our family and we wanted more time with him and to help take care of him. We talked up big all the benefits of living here, lol. He grew attached to our dog and we told him the dog really missed him and their walks, that made the biggest difference in his saying yes (without a fight)

Lilfarmer67, your experience and handling of your FIL's journey and your wise insight on integrating him into your family is heartwarming.  You display a lot of wisdom and insight on the aging process.