Is it ever ok to say no to caregiving?

Absolutely not. You and only you know your limits. Stand your ground. You put in your time, time for sis to step up to the plate and be the back up. It was her idea against your advise. Don’t let her bully you into it.

YES SAY NO. Nobody else knows or cares what you need. You are the only one who knows your limitations. You are the only one who can stand up for YOUR needs. Please, stand up for yourself.!

Yes

It is always ok to say no. Your life is no less important than anyone elses. Tell your sister that you will assist with placing mom, but that is it. If she chooses to go another direction, that's fine, but that's on her. Tell her she can write songs about all that she does, but you won't be part of the lyric....

As many have said, no it's not. Hope you had/have the strength to take care of yourself, as you ONLY do what you can, the best you can, for your mother. Hugs.

It is ok to say no. I found it difficult and guilt ridden but followed through with it. They tried to guilt me and wanted to be sure that my sister in law would be compensated for her time since I would not be able to handle my mother much. I agreed. My brother and I are Co-POA’s. My mother is by no means wealthy, only her paid off home and a mediocre savings and a very small monthly income. I reminded them that I had told my brothers wife before my 94 year old mother had a fall, that if necessary I would not be capable of participating in her care for many reasons. I felt she would be better placed in assisted living. When she fell she was still living alone but across the street from my brother and his wife. They insisted on taking her into their home. My brother and his wife are financially set, they own several rental properties, royalties, great investments and my brother continues to work in tech with a very good income. His wife was a stay at home mom and the children are out on their own and they live in a huge beautiful home. My husband and I are financially in a low-end average income bracket. My mother is a handful and my brother came to know a side of her that she didn’t reveal to his family often. My family knew it all along. I knew there was no way I could handle her personality. I’m sure my brother has had many second thoughts on his decision. Soon after the compensation issue was addressed. He wanted me to come up with a figure that I thought his wife’s time was worth. I had done my homework on costs. I knew this would have cost either way. He came up with a figure of $3000 a month that included 24/7 care, food and transportation. My sister in law refuses to have help come into her home. It has been 4 years and she is now 98 and has severe dementia, incontinence and aphasia. Her savings is just about gone and her house across the street from my brother stays vacant with all her stuff still in there. My brother refuses to sell it for tax reasons. I knew my mental and physical health were more important than money that I could save for inheritance. My brother and his wife are hanging in there and I am thankful she is safe with them, I do not have to worry about her safety and that gives me piece of mind. It is ok to take care of yourself and have a good retirement for yourself.

Proud of YOU! Boundaries! Protect your physical & mental health!

It's 100% ok and you don't need anyone's permission. Women have this unspoken pressure to always be taking care of others and to be "people pleasers" and it's unfair to us all. This is why women often ask permission (like here) to assert their own boundaries. Only you know what you can give. If you're done, you're done. Make other arrangements for her care and don't feel guilty about it.