Is it dementia or anxiety/depression?

You have a tough one there. How old is she? And where is she now living? I find it hard to tell what the source of the behaviors are in a similar situation. I have oberserved that as they lose the ability to understand and keep up with the world around them, older folks seem to live in a smaller and smaller world..first just a few friends, then just in their house, finally mostly in their bed. or favorite chair...this even when they seem fairly healty otherwise...They want to be left alone because they cannot cope or feel they have any control...And it just gets worse...Is your MIL on any meds? Antidepressants sometimes help a bit...It seems you try to interact with her quite a bit...will she give you or your husband a POA so you can call the Dr. etc.

Boy this is a tough one. Signs of depression can often mask as confusion and memory loss. The challenge is that she might be dealing with all three: anxiety, depression and memory loss. Maybe she was depressed then her memory got worse which made the depression worse then she isolates etc... If she won't "allow" you to help her you're stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I agree with skinonna that you need to start working on the legal aspect of helping her by obtaining a POA or trying to dialogue with the doctor, which isn't always easy. At the very lease, a meeting with an elder law attorney to outline what your options are may make you feel better. Good luck!

That is a tough one! Dementia can also show signs of anxiety and depression. You definitely need a caring doctor's diagnosis. My Aunt is also a light hoarder and has Dementia but we could not remove her from the home because she lives with her 51 year old son that has Schizophrenia. We thought removing them both from the home would completely stress both of them out. So, we are in the process of slowly cleaning up to make their environment livable. Anyways, my aunt would not leave the house either. But, she got hooked up with a home-bound doctor that comes to her house to check up on her. Try contacting the local Senior center for some resources on doctors that make house-calls. Or, even try the company that delivers meals on wheels(Senior Serv in CA), sometimes they have vendors or resources that they can direct you to get a doctor to come out her. I hope that you can get her out of the house or find a house-call doctor!

Do not assume anything about why she falls asleep after eating. Only a qualified doctor can correctly diagnose conditions she may or may not have. If her condition is deteriorating, get a POA from her, and take her to the doctor yourself. It is your job to be her advocate and do not believe anyone with dementia who says they are "fine". They all want to believe nothing is wrong. Stay strong, be firm, and get her some needed medical help this nurse advises.

I have discovered that anxiety and depression and any related medications can complicate any other possible illnesses. Your mother in law's doctor cannot talk to you, but you can talk or write to the doctor. Your husband should help you by also signing any letter you might send. Sometimes doctors will pay attention to something in writing when they don't have time to listen. It shouldn't be that way, but many doctors are always on the run. If you make the doctor aware of your mother in law's past issues ( mention the hoarding), he or she is really required to act on information by examining your mother in law very carefully. An adult daycare center that provides supervision and activities may help all of you. Ask your health department for that kind of information. In the end, your husband may have to legally obtain POA in some form. The description you have given us of your husband's mother sounds like she needs some serious medical evaluation. Best wishes!

Hello TriciaU,

Our writer published an article that may be helpful to you regarding dementia and depression. I am attaching the link below.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-depression-link-158881.htm

Warm regards,
Melissa R.
The AgingCare.com Team

If she doesn't want you at MD appointments, the MD can sense it and won't work with you. I had the same problem; I stopped going. She knows she's losing it, eventually she will accept help, but likely insist it comes from her children. Stay in the background but monitor things and keep her son up to date.

pstiegman, your answer was totally not helpful. I can not allow her to go to the doc alone because the doc is then getting no information about her. For example, my mother in law was taking 2 blood pressure meds and wasn't telling the doc and wouldn't listen to me that one was stopped. Your suggestion is to just let her go on taking a double dose of meds so she doesn't get mad at me?! As for her daughter--she lives an hour and a half away. We moved my mil 5 min from us to take care of her. This is my role b/c we made it our repsonsiblity and my husband just can't take off work for every little thing. These blogs can be helpful but people should be careful what you presume.

I feel your pain. My MIL eventually overdid her coumadin and fell, hit her head and only then would accept help. It's like an addiction, you can't help her until she lets you.

TriciaU I have the same problem with my mother's doctor - he did the same, a short mental test, then said, "wow you did better than most people 20 years younger". Personally I think he's a chicken and doesn't want to be the "bad guy". Great, so I will get that designation. My mother says her doctor is her friend (ergo no access for me). I feel for you, walking a fine line to take care of them without angering them and starting down a really awful path. Good luck!