We didn't get along great growing up and I feel like she is mostly mean and accusing of me. She calls my daughter and talks bad about me, now my daughter takes her side and isn't talking to me. She tells my brother and anyone who will listen everything is my fault. I moved in with her to help but she says I am trying to take over when I am only trying to help her. Do people with Dementia know to pick on only who they want to?
One note about the daughter believing the grandmother: I've seen this happen when others don't know the degree of mental deterioration. They listen to someone like the grandmother complain and believe her because she sounds so clear and mentally sound. In this case, the daughter doesn't seem to understand that this is the disease talking. It's heartbreaking but not unusual.
There are times when family members aren't the best full time caregivers. Either because of family dynamics or because of dementia, the person with the disease is better off in the case of others through no fault of their caregiver. Remember, too, that not all dementia is Alzheimer's and some types of dementia bring about big personality changes, paranoia and even hatred of a single person in the family. If this happens, it helps no one to continue trying to be the primary caregiver.
The fact that you and your mother didn’t get alone before makes all of this harder. Likely, subconsciously, you want to show her that you are a wonderful daughter. She, on the other hand, is just getting worse. Don’t blame yourself. You’re in an impossible situation (if you want some peace). Try to get her care from other sources.
As for elder care, if you didn't get along growing up, you probably won't get along now. Once she takes this to the level of disrupting your relationship with your daughter, you are perfectly justified to move out.
You are in a tough spot because others believe her. They need to learn more about the type of dementia your mother has. Good luck
I care for my mom and just had a General Doctor giving her meds. At a certain point seems nothing worked. I simply had to quit GUESSING...and a psychiatrist took her off one drug, had her take a current med at night instead of day and added 1/2 a tablet of another. She is a changed person. She's 87, active so I didn't want to over-drug her. That's what I mean.
Bless you on your journey!! Keep always in mind it really IS the disease.
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