My husband is 76 and confined to a wheelchair because of a spinal cord injury (25 yrs ago). After 21 yrs together, he is now becoming abusive. A year ago, he was admitted to the hospital with a pressure sore. HE HAS BEEN READMITTED NINE TIMES SINCE THEN FOR THE SAME WOUND. I am a retired EMT and care for him. Problem; He refuses to cooperate. He stays in bed most of the time. He will not bathe. Will not brush his teeth. Will not self Cath. His bed is constantly wet, soiled and smells. He will not wear adult diapers. He will not keep a bandage on the wound and refuses to keep his hands washed. I care for my 98 yr Mom in our home. She has Alzheimer's and is bedfast. I try to explain to him about infection issues being so important with Mom. When I confront him with anything, He gets very angry and screams very nasty names at me. HE TRIED TO BREAK MY WRISTS. ALSO RAN INTO MY LEGS WITH HIS SCOOTER. I AM VISUALLY IMPAIRED from diabetes and have other diabetic issues with my legs. Years ago, I was married to a man who was very abusive. After 35 yrs , I left and found a good life. Now, I am old..... One time on admittance to the hospital , it was noted on the admit paper that he showed cognitive deficiency. Depression wasn't an issue. So my problem is; We have been together a Long time. He was never nasty. Now he is nasty a lot. He won't take care of himself. Won't take his meds. Won't do anything around the house. Stays in bed three days out of the week.TV can't be on. The dog isn't allowed to play with his toys! DEMENTIA? He won't go to the Doctor!!!
Are you feeling now that you cannot do this anymore? Because I don't see how you conceivably can.
Next hospital trip (and it will come soon enough) ask for a complete evaluation. I think that you are looking at a need for placement shortly on, if not now.
The non healing bedsore is, of course, life threatening, and your husband's inability to cooperate, and to continue to refuse movement and cleaning is actually at this point endangering his life.
This is way too much on anyone's plate. I am certain you know that. I am certain you are beginning now to face that. I hope you will keep us updated.
Whether or not your husband has dementia(sounds like he probably does, along with depression), you don't deserve to be treated the way he is treating you, and it's time to find a facility to place him in. Honestly, how much longer do you think you can continue to care for 2 people, plus yourself? You might want to start thinking of placing mom as well, although it sounds like she's the lesser of your problems.
You deserve so much better, especially in your latter years. Time to get get hubby the help he needs around the clock (in a facility), and perhaps mom too, so you can start taking care of yourself, and start enjoying your life again. It's not too late. At the rate you're going, you will be in the statistics where the caregiver dies before the person/s their caring for goes. Please start thinking about yourself, and quit putting others before your wellbeing. You're worth it!!
The question is, "is this man a danger to himself and others?"
Does he have a doctor? Call the doctor and ask her/him how to proceed.
The next time he attempts to injure you, call 911 and get him transported for a psychiatric eval. Refuse to accept him back into the home if placement is what is best for him.
Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos? Since he has already been dxed with cognitive deficiency, I would assume that he's got dementia. Explaining to him isn't going to help. Using Teepa's techniques might.
As a last resort, look up "Involuntary psychiatric hold" and the name of your state. Follow those procedures. It's probably the quickest way to get him the proper evaluation and treatment.