Is It bad to want a "daddy free" day? - AgingCare.com

Is It bad to want a "daddy free" day?

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I'm exhausted. Plain and simple. I guess I just need to vent...

Another Father's Day came and went and not one of Dad's children called him (even the sister with the bratty daughter that was given the house). Granted, Dad was awful to most of his children, but the whiner in me just thinks it would have been a nice gesture.

Evil step mom (you know the one that's 26 years younger than him - gross) and her hubby took him to dinner (LONG, twisted, weird story with that one) and as usual, I was at job #2.

I just realized that I haven't had a true "me" day since this whole caregiving thing started, and I feel a little guilty to say that because my level of care doesn't compare to some of the others here. God Bless all of you who are still able to live with your loved one and care for them.

Maybe I'm just tired. I have this amazing new job on which I'm having a hard time focusing. I'm still working the part time job because I have a mountain of debt to cover as a result of the many firings, and under employment situations that resulted from caregiving...

I work 7 days a week. Two days a week I work two jobs back to back and I work my part time job every weekend. The last weekend I took off was Dad's birthday and I spent it with him and suffered the financial consequences.

I can't afford respite care. This forum is my only support system. The AL facility is great, but my own guilt compels me to visit Dad on the days that I'm not working the second job and call him at least twice a day when I can't visit.

Am I a victim of MYSELF??

Sorry to be all over the place. I'm exhausted...

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Thanks everyone! I guess I just needed to hear a kind word or two. Everyone here is truly amazing. You are the family I WISH I had! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!
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Thank you mincemeat. Yes, even the phone calls are frustrating. Talking to a dementia patient is sometimes like talking to a brick wall...
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Freqflyer! Thanks for that! I can relate to abandoning your own life for the sake of your parents. I was in a relationship when I brought Dad to my city to live due to his declining health. My relationship only lasted about 6 months after. Since then I've taken on the second job and between Dad and working, I have no time (or desire) to do anything else.

I've put on 20 pounds (I have no time or desire to work out anymore. I used to jog daily and hike every weekend), and I'm pretty crabby most days. I feel you!!

I am going to cut back the visits and work on "unspoiling" Dad some. I am also considering cutting back hours at the second job.
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Your dad is in a place where he is safe and cared for. You do NOT need to call him daily or see him that often. Take your me time. In fact, take a couple of weeks away from dad. He'll be OK! You'll come back refreshed and he probably won't have missed you that much.

I take Sunday off from my mom. My brother calls her on that day. She's in independent living and I do everything for her. I call her twice a day and then take her food (she doesn't go down to eat) a couple of times a week, along with helping her bathe, doing her laundry, etc. I've been at this for 14 years (9 years with both parents), so I've learned to pace myself. You can only do what you can do.

With you working seven days a week, I don't know how you do what you do. You're going to run yourself into the ground which won't do anyone any good. Your dad has made his bed with his other children. You do NOT have to make up for their lack of interaction with him. Call him a couple of times a week, visit once a week or when you can, but take a couple of weeks off so you can get your mojo back. Hugs!!
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No, you are not a Victim, but a true Carer, one that goes to the limit of onself, sacrificing out of love honor and duty! You do deserve time off though, its a must! You don't have to be there every single day for him, take a day off after your one job, where you don't have to rush to another, ffs! Tell him the day before, because you want him to know that you will be unavailable, but that you will be back, whether it's one day or 5, you do need to tell him! I'm so sorry that your siblings have let you down! It doesn't take much to give the old man a phone callon Father's day, but it's not your responsibility to ensure that they do this, but I understand your frustrations! I'm like you on this, as I would be upset too! You try to get some ME time in, you deserve it! Take Care!
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Yes it is ok to take a day off from your dad. Twice a day calls? Yup, you are creating your own prison. Ratchet it down and give yourself at least one day a week that you do not engage and do something for yourself. In my opinion. You are a trooper and I could not keep up the pace you have set.
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Tinyblu, time to slowly back off the visits to the Assisted Living to see your Dad. It's not like he is truly alone, there are people all around him if he wants company of others. You don't need to be his cruise director.

I know it is hard not to visit, but I had to start cutting back with my visits to my Dad, I needed some down time after 7 years of allowing my parents to continue with their own lifestyle while I had to change mine. I fell into the abyss and I am slowly crawling my way out of it. Thank goodness for my job, it helps keep me sane.

My Dad is now in a safe place and I need to realize that he has his caregivers with him all morning except Sunday, and he has physical therapy, so it isn't like he is alone. I now visit once a week for a half hour or so [his apartment is so very warm it is like walking into a hot flash]. I do call Dad late afternoons just before the first sitting in the main dining room to remind Dad it is time to get ready and start his walk to the dining room.
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