Is it bad of me to be tired of my mom being bitter, hateful, accusing me of taking from her, not appreciating anything and just mean?

With Dementia ur Mom should not be living alone. An Assisted living with a Memory care unit will suggest MC which cost more.

What stage do u feel Mom is in? My Mom was in her last stage by the time I placed her in LTC. For me, I thought at times her care was better than in the AL. You will get her in a LTC facility quicker if she pays privately. My Mom paid 2 months privately then went on Medicaid. If I had not had Moms house to deal with, it would have been perfect. All her needs were met. No more trying to get the best deals on Depends. No more being responsible for her prescriptions. I allowed the NH to become her payee for SS and her pension. I now could just visit and enjoy that some of my responsibilities were lifted.

I have a feeling ur Mom has been like this ur whole life so like Alva says, you have been conditioned. Her Dementia may be making it worse and there are meds.

It is now what Mom needs not what she wants. For you, you do not need to be her caregiver. Your responsibility is to find her a safe place for her to be cared for. You DO NOT deserve to be verbally abused even by a parent.

So find a nice place for Mom and visit when you feel like it. Let their doctor take over her care. And do not feel guilty.

So sorry that things are so difficult with your mom. Sounds mostly like it could be the dementia talking. Try your best to not take it to heart. Try to distance yourself mentally and let her crap roll off your back. AL is VERY expensive. One place I looked at is $5-6K/month. Whew.

Anyone dealing with this is tired of it. Don't be too hard on yourself.

If you were raised to be accepting of continuous abuse and to believe you are "bad", or "bad if you don't do as directed" it may be necessary now to seek out professional help. I don't think a whole forum full of people could convince you if there is some ideology you were taught, steeped in life long, that holds you responsible for your parent's happiness. I hope you can find some help to comb out your feelings and learn not to accept abuse. When we are so determined we are worthless and worthy only of abuse we will often seek out abusive relationships long after the abusing parent is dead. Please get help for yourself; you are worth the trouble to change.

There is no reason for you to tolerate verbal abuse, none. If her dementia causing this, you still need to stop being in her line of fire. Don’t move her back into your home. Call the Area agency on Aging and ask for advice on living options for her. When the verbal berating starts, leave or get off the phone each and every time. Don’t argue or explain just go. Of course you’re tired of it and for your own well being please stop listening to it

Tammy, what are your mother's finances? Can she afford Assisted Living? You wrote in your profile that she lived with you for 8 months. How did that come about that she came to live with you? Do you have siblings? Do you have POA? HCPOA?