kimino Asked June 2022
Is it a wise decision to give up having children when my mother is very dependent on me financially?
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Is your mother receiving public benefits, like SNAP, Medicaid?
Your mother sounds mentally unwell. Children should not have to pay for parental support at the expense of their own financial well-being.
In your shoes, I would guide mom to your town's social support agency and let them help her apply for benefits.
"Mentally unwell". This word makes sense in some ways.
Thank you for highlighting this new perspective!
Regarding children, only you can ultimately decide. If you decide yes, don’t have her babysit as this will ultimately make her believe she is even more entitled to any part of your life.
"My new mantra...I am here to help people find a way, not be the way".
Expects be taken care of.. as a "dependant aging parent"?
She must be joking right?
She has 15 yrs until legal retirement age (where I live).
She sounds more like an entitled 15 yr old.
Time to pull her finger out, get a job & a life plan.
Or are there major health issues/disabilities to hurdle?
If she needs help, offer encouragement to find such help.. a Life Coach, Therapist or Mental Health support.
At age 26 and newly married, you and your husband should be thinking about your marriage and enjoying your youth. A gap to settle down the marriage before you have children is a good idea for most people, but ‘decisions’ right now are NOT a good idea. Your intentions for children should NOT be made on the basis that you have to support an irresponsible parent.
FYI, she can't get a job.. Because she doesn't want to work. I persuade her to open small kiosk so that she can make her own living but she said she has no confidence to do business or start something new. She always told me "I don't even know what should I do with my life...". This is so depressing.