I have been on this message board a long time. My dad finally went to hospital and i said "unsafe discharge" to anyone and everyone. I got POA away from my mom and He's in ltc. I am so deeply relieved. He's finally free from my mother's emotional and physical abuse. I'm finally free from the constant stress of managing caregivers, calling aps, uncovering new daily stories about the mess they created by refusing AL. When I told the caregivers to find new work, they both pointed out my mom shouldn't live alone. They're right but I cannot imagine trying to move her. She's so mean, so stubborn...she was hitting a man with Parkinson's! Granted, he was hitting her back but it was all so crazy, so unnecessary, so dramatic...I have called her a few times but I have no interest in seeing her or taking part in her care, even if it's doubtful she has food. What have others done with a toxic parent when the other is out? I feel bad but when I was 16, she told me "you are not my daughter" because I was cleaning my shoes wrong. It never got better. I have a sister.
If you don't want to do that, you can call APS like JoAnn suggests. I'm not good with leaving outcomes in other people's hands, however, and want to be sure I've done what I could. That's just me. When mom died, I wanted to be able to say I did all I could've done for her and suffered no guilt.
I'm happy to hear dad is away from the toxic home environment......my mother was quite mean to my dad, too. I truly hated seeing that, it was awful.
Whatever you decide to do, know that you've been an amazing daughter who's gone above and beyond for your parents. Best of luck to you.
Glad you got your Dad situated, you did good.
Let the State deal with Mom. Don't offer yourself anymore.