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I have been on this message board a long time. My dad finally went to hospital and i said "unsafe discharge" to anyone and everyone. I got POA away from my mom and He's in ltc. I am so deeply relieved. He's finally free from my mother's emotional and physical abuse. I'm finally free from the constant stress of managing caregivers, calling aps, uncovering new daily stories about the mess they created by refusing AL. When I told the caregivers to find new work, they both pointed out my mom shouldn't live alone. They're right but I cannot imagine trying to move her. She's so mean, so stubborn...she was hitting a man with Parkinson's! Granted, he was hitting her back but it was all so crazy, so unnecessary, so dramatic...I have called her a few times but I have no interest in seeing her or taking part in her care, even if it's doubtful she has food. What have others done with a toxic parent when the other is out? I feel bad but when I was 16, she told me "you are not my daughter" because I was cleaning my shoes wrong. It never got better. I have a sister.

Forgiving isn’t for the person who wronged you, it’s mostly for you, like a gift you give yourself to free you from holding onto a wound. “Forgive and forget” is a ridiculous old saying, forgiving is wise and helpful, forgetting isn’t really possible and robs you of learning from the experience. I hope you can reach a place of forgiveness and will move forward in continually protecting yourself in the future. No one deserves toxic behavior or abuse, no matter the cause. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Forgiving is possible. Talking is not if you are dealing with a cruel person. Therapy is probably a good idea for you.
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Reply to JustAnon
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It's tough to forgive an abusive mother. What I did with my mother was to make sure she had what she needed w/o investing too much time or emotion into HER. After 6 decades, I was more than done. I ordered lots of supplies on Amazon for her. Why not set up grocery delivery for yours from Wal Mart? I use their service for $99 a yr and it's great, especially now during a very bad flu season when dh and I are on immunosuppressive drugs. Charge the costs to moms card, as I did with my mother, and make sure she has the basics.

If you don't want to do that, you can call APS like JoAnn suggests. I'm not good with leaving outcomes in other people's hands, however, and want to be sure I've done what I could. That's just me. When mom died, I wanted to be able to say I did all I could've done for her and suffered no guilt.

I'm happy to hear dad is away from the toxic home environment......my mother was quite mean to my dad, too. I truly hated seeing that, it was awful.

Whatever you decide to do, know that you've been an amazing daughter who's gone above and beyond for your parents. Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Talk to your sister, let her deal with Mom. Let go of it all and take your life back.
Glad you got your Dad situated, you did good.
Let the State deal with Mom. Don't offer yourself anymore.
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Reply to Dawn88
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You need to call APS and ask them to evaluate Mom. Explain, you cannot care for her and refuse to. She is abusive, reason why you got Dad placed. If your told she needs 24/7 care, tell them you hold no POA and don't want to. That the State will need to take over her care and finances.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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