Is cussing part of dementia?

You truly have no control over the words coming out of his mouth; he probably has little control over his words as well. You can try diverting his attention to pleasanter topics and "words." Ultimately, the area of his brain that deals with impulse control is "broken." The words spew forth without check because he can't check them. If his behavior is too distressing for the family, you are right in placing him in a memory care facility where he can get the care he needs.

imavent41,

I'm sorry you don't agree with my response. You say none of us here are professionals. I've been an in-home caregiver for almost 25 years. I think I can call myself a professional at this point. Many of those years were agency-hired and many were private self-employed. These days I'm the sole caregiver to my elderly mother who on her best day can be described as difficult. I've cared for every kind there is. Mild, moderate, and advanced dementia. Verbally and physically abusive. Mentally ill. You name it, every kind.
You think it's wrong to treat an elderly person with dementia like a child? It's often necessary. So is rewarding them like one when they're cooperative. The caregiver has to stay in control of the situation. The same way a teacher has to stay in control of the class otherwise it will be total chaos. Or a parent. They have to make sure they've got a handle on things otherwise they can't stop the child who wants to have a tantrum and go crazy. If you think caring for a person with dementia is not a battle for control, you've got a lot to learn. Maybe when there's a staff of people in a care facility it's not, but in the home it certainly is and more so when the caregiver is family.
In homecare work the caregiver is usually alone and has to handle every situation themselves. We are responsible for the client and to get the work done. Begging and pleading with some stubborn, demented senior sitting in a soiled diaper doesn't get them cleaned up. Believe me a person recovers a lot easier from a bit of intimidation than they do from a UTI, skin infection, or incontinence sores.
The OP's father still possesses some level of self-control. He knows that being nice and cordial is the correct response when he needs or wants something. Or when it's a meal time. He then resumes the cussing and nasty behavior. That's a senior brat and you handle a senior brat the same way you handle a child one.
I have learned over many years of caregiving not to tolerate complaining or instigating. Both are common with elderly folks.
My mother does not have dementia. She does like to complain and instigate trouble though. She knows better than to openly provoke me into a fight. She'll make snide comments intended to be hurtful but about the meal and not directly to me. That's how she attempts at instigating because she wants to complain or fight. That's when the plate goes into the garbage. I don't tolerate complaining and I don't fight. Guess who doesn't do this anymore? My mother. She likes good, home-cooked meals more than she likes fight instigating and complaining. My guess is the OP's father probably does too.

I would start refusing what ever he is demanding and tell him why. SOMETIMES they are aware enough . My mom has heard me complain enough about her nose picking in front of me, so she tries to hide it now. Give him some consequences. The fact that he can control it when he wants something is proof that it is still a choice.

Keephope: It's a good idea for him to be placed in managed care.

My FIL was ex-navy. He could not complete a sentence without cussing. You did say FIL was nice sometimes, so he does know the difference. He just needs to be reminded to stop as soon as he starts.

"His son is fed up and we are currently making plans to place him in a facility as soon as possible." Good for you in taking the first step..........expect a whole lot more of the same, but never give in to tantrums.

Call "A Place for Mom" and see if they have listings where rapid placements can be handled, especially in light of your life threatening heart problems.

Ewww... Have you asked him why he cusses? Could it be that he doesn't know the proper words for whatever he wants to express?

My experience with my Mom's dementia is that she is not in the same emotional state all the time. Therefore, sometimes you can reason with her (which she may forget) and other times you cannot. However, if you can find the reason why he is doing what he is doing, then maybe you help him find the appropriate words or alter the situation so that he is less inclined to do it.

When he is behaving nicely, you can ask him why he cusses. Try many times on different days and see if you can figure out the reason. In one personal case, not with an elderly person, the person who came from another country, thought it was the appropriate behavior because that is what they do in the movies and he got his clues from appropriate behavior and language from the movies and television that he watched.

I'm assuming that you have already talked to his doctors and they don't know what to do either.

Until you can find a place for him, I'd suggest that you get him in-home caregivers or try to segment the house so that you can move to a different part of the house when this occurs or whether you can find him temporary housing (like a studio apartment next door, etc.)

Your and your family's mental health come first. Good luck!

My Father was a Very Conservative Minister for over 50 years. Imagine our shock and surprise when Alzheimer’s changed his commentary! I thought my Mother would die of embarrassment. No more trips out of the house for him!

Can you afford to get someone to come in and pay out of your pocket just to get a break

I believe dementia and Alzheimer’s walk hand in hand. Along the years it changes names but we pretty much see the same disheartening effects. It robs us of “ who we use to be.”
At all cost protect your sanity! Don’t feel ashamed of your decision to take him to a facility. We only wish to enjoy life and live in peace while we’re yet alive. Peace is everything!
Sometime a different setting and new unfamiliar faces can change their demeanor( sometimes).
So until he’s placed, observe when he is least angry( you’ve said while eating) so experiment with new or different foods. And look and observe for anything that makes him less irritable and run with it!
Lastly, ever heard “ if you can’t beat em, join em!” It may not be the correct or proper thing to do but, it might lessen your stress level. Just don’t curse at him directly, let it be of Worldly things or society or the color of the paint on the walls etc…
I do know we have to become creative and try something out of the ordinary!
Wishing you all a better and peaceful journey!💕

Yes, it certain may/can be a part of the diagnosis.
There are almost no "social inhibition" when Alzheimer's is involved and most thought is self-involved, without a lot of sympathy/empathy involved, and without a lot of social appropriate inhibitions.
There may also be small stokes in certain area of the brain. Some people who never cursed in their lives begin to do almost nothing but, and some who did almost nothing but curse, become gentle as lambs. You simply cannot predict the whole thing.
Having dementia is a bit like having your own thumbprint. No two are the same. It is a very individual thing. Speaking with the neuro-psyc, if there is one, can lead to getting a lot of information about your FIL's specific case (if you are POA or your hubby is). There are many fine articles specific to your question online just by googling "dementia and cursing".
Sure do wish you good luck. Know that this is almost NEVER purposeful, nor done maliciously.

My soft spoken Gpa began to cuss when he got far along in his dementia road. It was so unnerving for Gma, because I know he never swore.

There's no rules or rhyme or reason to why people do what they do as their brains slowly deteriorate.

I'm only 65 and not a 'potty mouth' by any stretch of the imagination...but as I have aged and gone through a few pretty rough life challenges, I find my language is not as 'clean' as I should have it. Am I losing it? Nope, not really, but I'm tired and sometimes a good swear word is the 'right' word. No excuse, just that I notice that I am often too tired to use 'pretty words', esp when I am super tired or frustrated. My filter is lifting, and I know it. Think of all the people whose filters are GONE.

If your FIL is capable of behaving nice and cordial as you say when he wants something or when eating, then the minute he gets it or is done eating the swearing and cussing begins this means he has control of himself. It's not the dementia talking.
He can control his behavior and while he lives in your house DEMAND that he do so. When he starts up with the cussing, give it right back to him. Tell him that if he's going to behave badly with the cussing and swearing to you and your family from dusk to dawn, he's going to be going very hungry. Many people have been sent to bed without supper for bad behavior when they were kids myself included, and that can be extended to senior brats as well. Your FIL has control of himself if he can be nice and cordial when he wants something or when it's time to eat. See how well he does with no supper tonight. Put locks on your cupboards and your fridge too. He'll knock off the overpowering controlling behavior and the cussing. Hunger tends to put a person to minding their manners.

Obviously, your FIL stimulation arises when he eats. When he finishes a meal, fun is over for him. Memory care would be a great place for him. They have activities and socialization for him AMF perhaps there will be less cussing. Also remember that he's losing his filters. It won't just be cussing. There will be other things as well.

Placement can be beneficial for all 3 of you. Your FIL will have more stimulation in his environment, and caregivers have an easier ability to 'tune out' the words when the person is not someone that they had a relationship with. For families, this sort of behavior is hard to live with..even though the brain knows that the language is due to the disease, those cusses still sting.
Placement does not mean you are abandoning him, but that you are no longer the first responder and 24 hour care giver. It does mean that you and your spouse get to have privacy, and conversations without his 'contributions.' You still have a role in his care, visiting and keeping track of his well-being, providing clothes, etc.

Before Alzheimer's hit, my mom was cordial and respectful to everyone. Once Alzheimer's came into our lives, she'd often curse at me, about nothing. I'd ask her, "Mom, do you want grits for breakfast, or an egg and toast, what would you like?" And she'd sometimes tell me to "Drop dead and go 'someplace warm.'" The first time she said this, I was appallled. The tenth time I was still somewhat mortified, but by the 20th time, I told her if that's where she wants me to go, I better bring sunscreen and a hat. You have to find humor where you can. I even write a book about our travails called, "My Mother has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." When she'd insult me like that, my husband would mouth the words, "It's not really your mother," and he was right. It was the disease talking, and I tried to remember that. Best of luck.

Filters that we have to get along in society break down with dementia and things that a person never did will surface.
Swearing, fondling themselves, exposing themselves, making in appropriate comments are examples of things that could occur.
Is he on medication for agitation or anxiety? If not they might help, if he is the dose might need to be adjusted. Discuss with his doctor. Keep in mind any medication does heave side effects and there are risks with the benefits.

I never once heard my dad utter a swear word growing up. I was totally shocked back in 2015 when he started swearing. Yep, social filter got progressively worse as the years went on.

Yes, it is. When the social filters in the brain are destroyed, aggressive instincts get released without any restraints. Actual physical aggression and verbal aggression will be on the lose. Nothing can be done about it, except put the patient asleep with heavy sedation.

My FIL does a lot if he is mad. He is the only real experience I have but I can say I have noticed in his memory care if there is any kind of tiff the language gets foul fast. So I would say probably normal. That does not mean you have to tolerate it, IMO. If Dad starts being abuse we just say ok we understand you are unhappy but we are not interested in joining in, we will call you_____ tomorrow or Tuesday or whatever, and maybe you will be ready to talk with us. I Know what is happening is not his fault and I can tolerate to point but I refuse to become his victim of abuse at the same time. I wish I had a better solution, and I wish you luck. It hard, it sucks and you need to take care of you too.

You cannot change him, so you will have to change you.

He is unable to change what he does.

He will continue to cuss because he has no awareness or control over what he says.

His son must understand that he and his father have reversed roles- dad is now the child and he, his son, is now the parent.

Think of dad as the naughty child. Just that image alone may be helpful to you.

Take good care of yourself and your husband, and move forward as quickly as you can with placing this unfortunate man.

Oh boy, yes. My mother swore like a sailor when she developed dementia, and she'd flip off my poor dad, too. The worst profanity I'd ever heard from either of them before that was "hell."

Yes, it is. No, you can't change his behavior but you can adjust how you react to him and his outbursts.

Here's a helpful article right from this forum:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-and-undesirable-behavior-changes-how-do-i-handle-dads-profanity-112079.htm

My maternal grandfather (so i was told; I only saw him a few times a year) got progressively worse at this till the end and now my mom is getting the same way. Neither did at all prior to their mental decline. I can't offer anything to help, other than my observation is it's part of the standard playbook.

Roger