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I got thrust into caregiving 5 years ago by the convalescent hospital staff. I was scared to care for my husband post stroke; however, the hospital staff assured me they would train me. They missed teaching me everything. I felt worthless and scared. I cry a lot. I got diagnosed as having situational depression. 5 years later, I'm angry, resentful, and lonely as H*LL. It is inappropriate to talk to my kids and my friends all have well spouses so they don't understand. Does anyone relate? I feel so alone!

Yes Mamabear there are more than a few people on here that are the same or near the same. Myself included. No family. No friends. Wife with dementia and aphasia and nearly everyone of her friends gone for one reason or another. No phone calls from anyone. Only mail is bills or junk. Can't really take her out since she has reached a phase that makes her argumentative.
I feel that I am alone, even with her in the house with me. No one to talk with. Neighbors only wave now. Haven't heard from any former co-workers in nearly eight years.
The only person I can talk with is my younger brother 2K miles away and he really isn't much help. Three nephews that I never hear from and a niece I don't want to hear from.
Other than a few videos of Teepa Snow, no training. Always get good grades wishes from the DRs. and nurses, every three to six months.
Just wondering if you may have tried to locate any support groups in your area? Many are or can be very helpful.
Have you ever hired anyone to tend to your LO while you take a day off? Or looked for volunteers in your area that might be available.
This is a rough and usually a thankless job.
I wish you the best .
Helpful Answer (19)
Reply to OldSailor
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Hello Mamabear, you are not alone. I care for my 93 year old mom, and know how you feel. Caring for a beloved one in this condition is a scary, lonely path. Relatives and friends part their own ways when you feel most lonely. Your beloved one may be too tired, and is not the same person any more. So you are left alone to make daily decisions, while you may not be certain if they are the right ones. At the same time you are mourning for the person, the love that slowly drifts away. When I feel really discouraged, I think that God, or the soul of our beloved ones, is still watching, and we have a goal, a destiny to reach. You are not alone, as God's blessings are with you for doing what you do every day, tiressly. For putting on a brave face and keeping up the care. There is nothing more noble, more loving, more superior in this life, as you care for someone who may be too sick and exhausted to understand. I am also very sad and tired, but your email made me feel better. Finally, we are not alone. And everything that we do matters. virtual hugs ...
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Reply to Lillyblue
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I Am Not Alone
by Kari Jobe

When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I'm standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
Oh, and I will not fear
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
You amaze me
Redeem me
You call me as Your own
You amaze me
Redeem me
You call me as Your own
You're my strength
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Reply to smeshque
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CrazyMama, Oldsailor, Lilyblue,
You may feel lonely, but you're not alone. We have each other!

Let's start a discussion thread about any and everything. We can talk about what we are thinking, feeling and doing. Any random stuff that drops in our heads. Big stuff, little stuff, links to good videos, funny ones, informative ones, silly ones, funny animals, or whatever. Random thoughts, questions about anything, like how to get rid of an opossum in my yard? Grrr......Cooking, hobbies, movies, jokes etc....

I think it will be fun!
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Reply to Pepsee
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Pepsee Jul 20, 2018
I made the discussion thread, it's called
* Caregivers Coffee Break*
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Unless you had chosen nursing as a profession I don't imagine you ever envisioned caring for anyone in the ways you have had to care for your husband, people can relate to helping someone for a few days or weeks of an acute illness but the continuous burden of years of care can weigh you down in ways they can never imagine. Even the little bit of training you received from the hospital staff is more than most of us ever get, we are all just amateurs stumbling from crisis to crisis with no end in sight.
I spent years caring for my mother at home and now in a nursing home, although I always considered her a good friend losing her to dementia can not compare to the heartache you must feel having lost your spouse, helpmate, other half. No, outsiders can never understand how completely your days and thoughts are bound up with the needs of someone else, only those who have been there can understand. Welcome to AgingCare, we are a group of individuals from around the world and from many walks of life but we are all caregivers willing to listen, support and befriend those like you who reach out.
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Reply to cwillie
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HI.. .I dont think its inappropriate to talk to your kids if they are old enough either and a support group ..even this one is a great idea. I think alot of caregivers or people that are basically shut-ins get involved with the internet. They become gamers or blog ..I sometimes go on something called SecondLife where alot of people from all over the world go. Yeah ok its fantasy but when reality is this hard .. Fantasy can be a real release and relief
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Reply to baskethill1
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MamaBear - yes, it is very lonely. My wife is handicapped and has dementia and beginning Alzheimers. I am care giver, cook, lawn maintenance, laundry expert, and chauffeur to doctor's appointments. I have a wonderful church family whom I never see outside of church. I am old on the outside, but young on the inside. I am surrounded by people yet terribly lonely. At the same time, I feel guilty about feeling that way. Our local grocery closed, so I have to drive 20 miles to the nearest grocery store, which means I have to leave her home by herself. If it wasn't for the Lord, the little men in white coats would have probably hauled me off long ago. I feel sorry for all of the people in my position but I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one.
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Reply to kywunder
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I think feeling lonely is normal for caregivers. Often times, I want to just keep driving and not look back. At times being lonely gets really bad and for lot of us, yes myself included, family and friends drift away. This web site is a great thing to have and it does help, but there are times when things can really get a person down. I just wish non- cargivers would understand more. If I had more time, I'd read more tings on here because they do help, my time is limited. Good luck and maybe you will be able to make or find some pen pals on here or something.
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Reply to RogerMOkie
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Hey my fellow lonely caregivers, I did make the discussion thread! It's called
** Caregivers Coffee Break**
Come and hang out when you feel lonely! ❤️
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Reply to Pepsee
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Carlea Jul 20, 2018
I am new here and only have my phone.. my Dad and step mom won't do internet... and I am not sure how to find you.. lol and Wi-Fi fades here!!
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Hi Mamabear and Everyone,

Mamabear...I am right there with you. When my honey first had his strokes I had to keep hold of his jacket when we were out or he would have stepped out in front of a car ...like a three year old. After 13 years he is at about age 16-18 (he is 66). At first I grieved the loss (where he could not see or hear it) of the man I fell in love with but steeled myself for the long haul. All went along pretty well even with his heart issues until last November. I began to feel lonely as we could not talk even as we had after his strokes. Everything set him off. By February (after his surgery to replace his defibulator with a combined pacemaker/defibulator) he had become verbally abusive and downright mean. (not physically). I have never felt so alone though he is here at home now. I do not want to be around him as after he threatened me physically while he was rehab it made me wary and not as open. I have learned to put a barrier up though he is not verbally abusive any more...just snarky occasionally. It is hard to battle the loneliness. Coming here to this forum has been my life saver. Today he told me not to make any appointments for his care without his say so... he said he has a say in it. Yes he does, so next time his providers call to make an appointment I am going to hand the phone to him and let him deal with it. Don't think that will work out well with him doing it but oh well...._____ happens. We have no family close and I hesitate to talk to my daughter who has more on her plate than she can handle. When things were at its worst I did clue my honey's brother and SIL (they are like a brother and sister to me too) to what was going on. They try to come up once a month now. But cannot talk to them with honey around as though he swears he has hearing issues, he can hear every word I say even if I am on the other end of the house. Ugh.

Pepsee...great idea on the discussion thread about any and everything. Please let me know when it is started (and I will watch for it).... sounds fun!
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Reply to Dusti22
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Pepsee Jul 20, 2018
I just made it Dusti, it's called
*Caregivers Coffee Break*❤️
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